Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Bil and his wife didn’t disclose it until their baby was born. They have a history of miscarriage and infertility. It was a bit uncomfortable not acknowledging her huge pregnant belly towards the end of her pregnancy. But I realize this is not about me so whatever they want to do is fine!

Because you are normal and compassionate. OP doesn't appear to be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

Do you guys have a history of eating disorders or general dislike of your body pre pregnancy? Sounds like you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

Do you guys have a history of eating disorders or general dislike of your body pre pregnancy? Sounds like you do

2nd pp. I don't. I even loved my body pregnant. My coworker came in this morning talking about how big I am and kept saying "Wow, wow" regarding my stomach and I want to run and hide. Wish I could call in sick daily. I think I'm just not used to people commenting on me physically constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And that's the attitude that results in people not sharing things with you.

My family is so darn gossipy and dsyfunctional that I assume every word that comes out of my mouth, or any observations about my appearance make the rounds immediately.

Which is why I didn't tell them when we were trying to get pregnant.

Ha, same. I'm sure my brother is thrilled my mother is sharing the details of his vasectomy with me (and probably everyone else). Then again, my brother is well into his 30s and still overstates with her, so clearly he either hasn't learned yet and never will, or he just doesn't care that everyone now knows about his slightly unusual anatomy.

If he does, too late now!

Pp here; my aunt gossiped to me that our family friend had a vasectomy and supposedly he didn't tell his wife and lied about why he was having pain. They already have four kids. His mom confided in my aunt and she told everyone she could.

Now everyone in our circle knows, except supposedly his wife. Will bet money he has no idea most of his extended family and friends know, because he thought he was confiding in his mom. Whoops.

I keep mouth firmly shut around my whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

Do you guys have a history of eating disorders or general dislike of your body pre pregnancy? Sounds like you do

Thank you for this totally irrelevant and unhelpful contribution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

Do you guys have a history of eating disorders or general dislike of your body pre pregnancy? Sounds like you do

No, sweetie, it's just that some people (unlike you) don't relish extended attention and focus, especially from non-family/close friends.

Run along now, take another selfie. Be sure to post about what you had for lunch today--the world cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, wait, wait... YOU broke the baby news to your mom? Nope, that's against the rules! I don't care if your SIL is waddling around your house 7 months pregnant; no one gets to tell other family members about the pregnancy except the expecting couple!

Wrong. OP has an obligation to her mother. Can you imagine if OP's mom didn't find out until after the baby was born, and OP had to admit that she knew and ALSO kept it from mom like her a$$hole brother did? It is bad enough that she found out so late, and anyone who doesn't protect their mother from that kind of pain and humiliation is a terrible child.

You have got to be kidding me.

Who gets ~humiliated~ because their adult child chose to not disclose a pregnancy? Perhaps people should consider how their behavior impacts their relationship with their family and in laws.

Nobody has a right to know except the parents and who the mothers doctor is. Nobody is entitled to know what’s going on with your body.

You are over the top. This is an odd scenario, period. Gimme a break - any reasonable, rational person would agree. That doesn’t mean OP should do anything about it. Her very natural hurt feelings are hers alone to work through - but they’re totally understandable.

[Anonymous]

^^Just because it is an odd scenario doesn’t give OP the right to blab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, dcum has the most unnatural, unhealthy views on family relations.

Your brother and his wife's handling of this pregnancy is as weird as weird can get. It is beyond bizarre.

The only normal thing about the whole thing is you calling your mom and asking if she knew.

Your poor mom.

This is as weird as eff.

Totally agree! I'm so shocked at how many people think OP's reaction is off! WTH? Do you all have terrible family relationships? Sorry, but not sharing this news is a sign that you do not hold your family in close regard and that seems to be what is upsetting OP, and rightly so, if she didn't know her brother felt this way about the family before now. Many of the reason others are posting about why they may be acting this way are absolutely spot on... but in many families some of those reasons would be why you call family first and right away. It sounds like OP didn't realize her brother wasn't close to the family until just now. So yeah, it would hurt a lot to find out this way. Frankly, this isn't about the baby ... its about OP realizing her brother doesn't view family the way the rest of them do.

I totally agree. In general I find the level of bitchiness on the ‘Family Relationship’ board to be both high and highly annoying. Not sure why it’s centralized on this part of the board, but it’s definately noticeable and irritating AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Bil and his wife didn’t disclose it until their baby was born. They have a history of miscarriage and infertility. It was a bit uncomfortable not acknowledging her huge pregnant belly towards the end of her pregnancy. But I realize this is not about me so whatever they want to do is fine!

You sound like a great in law!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

Do you guys have a history of eating disorders or general dislike of your body pre pregnancy? Sounds like you do

2nd pp. I don't. I even loved my body pregnant. My coworker came in this morning talking about how big I am and kept saying "Wow, wow" regarding my stomach and I want to run and hide. Wish I could call in sick daily. I think I'm just not used to people commenting on me physically constantly.

I've said before it amazes me how coworkers, complete strangers, anyone just commented on my body when I was pregnant. You look too big/too small/too swollen, etc. It also didn't end after birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a late loss (21 weeks) and it was a terrible and private battle. This made me scared to announce my next pregnancy until a viability age of about 26 weeks. My in laws were so so so mean and rude about it. I had to then explain my first loss and then they were mad they didn't know about that baby!!!!!! It did serious damage to the relationship. Tres lightmy here. The not wanting a shower, the late announcement, the no registry, these all scream "sensitive situation" to me. You never know what their last has held.

This is probably what happened OP - I didn't announce my second pregnancy (first live child) until I was 24 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 8 pages but wanted to say that I would have preferred not to tell any family about my pregnancy. If I hadn't been visibly pregnant at Christmas I might have tried not to tell. I hadn't experienced a loss but was very conflicted about getting pregnant at all, and hated the way everyone stared at me and talked about my body. I knew that MIL, in particular, would be nosy and invasive. I am otherwise close to my family and talk to parents and ILs every week.

Same. I just HATE talking about my pregnancy. I'm 37 weeks pregnant now and can't WAIT to be done so no one can openly talk about my body again like this.

Do you guys have a history of eating disorders or general dislike of your body pre pregnancy? Sounds like you do

2nd pp. I don't. I even loved my body pregnant. My coworker came in this morning talking about how big I am and kept saying "Wow, wow" regarding my stomach and I want to run and hide. Wish I could call in sick daily. I think I'm just not used to people commenting on me physically constantly.

I don't mean to sound nasty, but you might want to grow a thicker skin. Having a child invites all kinds of commentary that you'll need to let go or you'll seriously hate life.

[Anonymous]

I have not had that experience. I think if you cultivate the self-presentation that you’re not looking for advice, people are warier about giving it.