Brother and SIL didn’t disclose pregnancy. Feeling like they are excluding family?
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Anonymous
Wrong. OP has an obligation to her mother. Can you imagine if OP's mom didn't find out until after the baby was born, and OP had to admit that she knew and ALSO kept it from mom like her a$$hole brother did? It is bad enough that she found out so late, and anyone who doesn't protect their mother from that kind of pain and humiliation is a terrible child. |
Anonymous
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In this day and age, infertility, miscarriages and difficult pregnancies are widely discussed, and you STILL DON'T GET why they might not be sharing this news in a "normal way"? And you broke THEIR news to your mom?
You ignorant, selfish cow. |
Anonymous
You have got to be kidding me. Who gets ~humiliated~ because their adult child chose to not disclose a pregnancy? Perhaps people should consider how their behavior impacts their relationship with their family and in laws. Nobody has a right to know except the parents and who the mothers doctor is. Nobody is entitled to know what’s going on with your body. |
Anonymous
| It's clear that they have had some infertility struggles. I would give them all the grace and space you can muster. Be happy for them but let them set the tone for how to proceed. If you haven't experienced loss then you may not understand how they are dealing with pregnancy. |
Anonymous
Oh shut it. Clearly the brother wasn't treating the information as something special that he wanted to share with the mom himself. Who knows when the family would have found out if op hadn't scheduled a BBQ on Labor Day? I went through the whole infertility journey myself for years. We were careful about telling family when I finally did get pregnant, but we certainly didn't share it over text as an afterthought like op's brother did. |
Anonymous
That's an f'ed up view on family. Do you think it's normal to hide a pregnancy from your parents and siblings? |
Anonymous
I don't believe OP has come back to answer any questions yet, so yes, while it's not typical, I don't think we can assume OP's brother is in the wrong here. It's possible he's distanced himself from a dysfunctional family and they only speak every few months as a formality. |
Anonymous
You sound weak. I hosted 30 relatives when my son was 5 days old. Granted it was just take out -but still |
Anonymous
Doesn’t sound like they were hiding it. Why do you feel you’re entitled to know about someone else’s pregnancy? |
Anonymous
How are they "hiding" the pregnancy? By not having a huge announcement, baby showers, gender reveal parties, etc? Ugh. As someone who had my share of losses, had to deal with grieving said losses while dealing with unfortunate comments from my family, not to mention I am very introverted, I too waited to share my pregnancy news. Until you have walked in these shoes, don't judge. From my experience, it is my information to share when I want, how I want. The thing is, my siblings were over the moon excited for me, not wondering how the news impacted them. A lesson it seems OP should learn... |
Anonymous
| I can understand why someone would wait to announce a pregnancy. There are many reasons someone may wait a long time to announce: if they are very private people or if they have struggled with infertility/miscarriage or if your family is not close/there is dysfunctional history there or if they are having health issues/high risk pregnancy etc etc. However, for your brother to just casually text about it in response to your question about a Bbq is very strange. what's also strange is that you would text 3+ months in advance about a BBQ, which is usually a casual get together not planned that far out. Did you suspect something was up that caused you to reach out to them? |
Anonymous
The baby is due in three months. They didn't intentionally share the information, they only told op because it conflicted with an event she was planning to host. I would be very sad if my sibling so nonchalantly shared such important news, and at the same time didn't inform our parents. I had my share of infertility and miscarriages myself - I get keeping the information quiet for a while. But no, this is not a normal way of relating to siblings and parents, and I understand op being upset. |
Anonymous
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Well, 6 months does seem late to announce it to family - but could they have had losses and are just not wanting to jinx it? I waited until 15 weeks to tell my family. Because we'd had so many losses up until then, including one at 13 weeks.
As to wanting no visitors until the 1st week at home, I totally understand that. I told DH no visitors in hospital at all - and luckily my family lives far away so they couldn't barge in, while his family is respectful and came over when we were ready for visitors. As for the shower, some of my Jewish friends did not have showers. It's not unusual in some cultures. Shower them with gifts once the baby is here. |
Anonymous
Because family members share important events with each other? Did you keep your pregnancies from your parents and siblings? This isn't a co-worker or friendly acquaintance. |
Anonymous
BS. The only proper reaction is "I'm so sorry." They don't need to make it about themselves. |