Not ready to become exclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should make sure he understands you are only interested in sex. He may not fully grasp that just because you're not exclusive. He may decide he doesn't want to have you around his child.

You didn't understand what I said. No interest to be introduced to his child or relatives. I also wouldn't sleep with him and someone else in parallel, and I don't only want him for sex. He's a very decent, successful and smart man. I just enjoy company of other attractive men, too, and want to keep my options open. My dating style is to see someone for a few months, then move to next person until I meet someone who matches me both in attraction level and where we are in life. I want to have a joint house with a partner, not blend families with anyone who has children, and I want that sooner than later. The wait with this person would be just too long, I don't see that working out for me long term

The way you describe it here gives me the sense that this man - and all other attractive men for that matter - kind of owe your their companionship on your terms until you’re done with them, with you giving nothing of real substance in return other than sex. You need to cut this guy loose now and not insist to all of us that you want to use him in the way you use others and have him be ok with it. He won’t be and deserves to find someone on his wavelength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sociopathic behavior

+1. People who “want it how they want it” and also want absolution for their behavior are real pieces of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should make sure he understands you are only interested in sex. He may not fully grasp that just because you're not exclusive. He may decide he doesn't want to have you around his child.

You didn't understand what I said. No interest to be introduced to his child or relatives. I also wouldn't sleep with him and someone else in parallel, and I don't only want him for sex. He's a very decent, successful and smart man. I just enjoy company of other attractive men, too, and want to keep my options open. My dating style is to see someone for a few months, then move to next person until I meet someone who matches me both in attraction level and where we are in life. I want to have a joint house with a partner, not blend families with anyone who has children, and I want that sooner than later. The wait with this person would be just too long, I don't see that working out for me long term

The way you describe it here gives me the sense that this man - and all other attractive men for that matter - kind of owe your their companionship on your terms until you’re done with them, with you giving nothing of real substance in return other than sex. You need to cut this guy loose now and not insist to all of us that you want to use him in the way you use others and have him be ok with it. He won’t be and deserves to find someone on his wavelength.

OP here - see my update above. Nobody uses anyone. Maybe you are just envious of the women who can get relationships with very eligible men on their own terms and their wavelength and timeline?

[Anonymous]

OP is dodging the age question. It's OK to be old, just let us know we can put your decision making skills in context lol

[Anonymous]

OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is dodging the age question. It's OK to be old, just let us know we can put your decision making skills in context lol

We are both in our 40s. Yes, I don’t want to be strung along while he’s raising his child. My timeline is tighter than his to find the right partner and move in together. But he’s the best I’ve met so far, so no point to backtrack from relationship, under certain conditions. I don’t want to invest in it more than he can de-facto invest/commit to in the near perspective. Action, not words matter to me. In the meantime, I’ll be dating socially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

Thank you - committed relationships can take many forms IMHO. It wasn’t a sin in France for a married woman to appear in court and flirt with other men. I don’t know why I’m judged for being honest .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

What a weird post, no one called OP such names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

Thank you - committed relationships can take many forms IMHO. It wasn’t a sin in France for a married woman to appear in court and flirt with other men. I don’t know why I’m judged for being honest .

I thought the whole point is that you (OP) don’t want a committed relationship just exclusive sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

Thank you - committed relationships can take many forms IMHO. It wasn’t a sin in France for a married woman to appear in court and flirt with other men. I don’t know why I’m judged for being honest .

I thought the whole point is that you (OP) don’t want a committed relationship just exclusive sex.

What is the point of me limiting my dating options if he can’t offer moving in together for at least 3 years? Yes, I like him. But I am so enjoy dating, and benefits of single life. Until I meet someone who can become that partner to me, in day to day life. Until then, what is the point in limiting my social dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is having a FWB. Tell him you are only seeking casual arrangements and don't see this going farther. He will probably bolt, because men don't like it when a woman does what they always do, but at least you were honest.

OP here - it’s not a casual relationship already. We talk and text several times a day, about lives, careers, music etc. But he knows I’m still dating others and on the apps (I told him I understand he can do the same). I just don’t feel like the level of practical commitment he can offer given his work and parenting restrains is what I need

This is still casual. i talk to my platonic friends every day, too. You aren't even sleeping together.

To compare, I have a man I have been dating for two years. We talk/text every day, see each other every week ( 1-3x) and we have gone on trips together. But it is still casual because we have no commitment to each other. You can't have a non-casual relationship unless you are committed.

[Anonymous]

OP wants a guy to give her sex on her terms, while getting other men to buy her dinners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is dodging the age question. It's OK to be old, just let us know we can put your decision making skills in context lol

We are both in our 40s. Yes, I don’t want to be strung along while he’s raising his child. My timeline is tighter than his to find the right partner and move in together. But he’s the best I’ve met so far, so no point to backtrack from relationship, under certain conditions. I don’t want to invest in it more than he can de-facto invest/commit to in the near perspective. Action, not words matter to me. In the meantime, I’ll be dating socially

You’re a total nutcase

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

Thank you - committed relationships can take many forms IMHO. It wasn’t a sin in France for a married woman to appear in court and flirt with other men. I don’t know why I’m judged for being honest .

I thought the whole point is that you (OP) don’t want a committed relationship just exclusive sex.

What is the point of me limiting my dating options if he can’t offer moving in together for at least 3 years? Yes, I like him. But I am so enjoy dating, and benefits of single life. Until I meet someone who can become that partner to me, in day to day life. Until then, what is the point in limiting my social dating?

Commitmentphobe. It’s called deepening and strengthening your relationship with your partner. No one is going to put up with your crap for 3 years. Can’t have it both ways and expect to find anything but casual sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is having a FWB. Tell him you are only seeking casual arrangements and don't see this going farther. He will probably bolt, because men don't like it when a woman does what they always do, but at least you were honest.

OP here - it’s not a casual relationship already. We talk and text several times a day, about lives, careers, music etc. But he knows I’m still dating others and on the apps (I told him I understand he can do the same). I just don’t feel like the level of practical commitment he can offer given his work and parenting restrains is what I need

This is still casual. i talk to my platonic friends every day, too. You aren't even sleeping together.

To compare, I have a man I have been dating for two years. We talk/text every day, see each other every week ( 1-3x) and we have gone on trips together. But it is still casual because we have no commitment to each other. You can't have a non-casual relationship unless you are committed.

OP here. What is the difference then between your relationship and what I want ? That you both can sleek with others ? I think adding sexual exclusivity and telling each other if we want to add other partners into it at least is more ethical and safe.