Not ready to become exclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you're tormented over.

In this day and age, outside of very strict religious sects, people assume that a relationship is not exclusive unless there has been a conversation on it. No one I know would go on dates with only those they see as marriage material right from the beginning. And I've personally not had any man want to be exclusive with me before testing me out in bed, sex. And vice versa on my part, BTH.

Is he asking you to be exclusive? And you're worried about losing him b/c you want to be dating as a free agent? Is he asking you to take your profiles down?

Not yet, but he's asking if I'm dating others (I said yes I do but I don't sleep with anyone). He did state that would be an expectation to be exclusive if we are longer together. My issue is that I already know it won't be long term, but he feels like it's a long term thing and I feel a lot of responsibility that I don't want to take, or even make it worse for him after we sleep

Then follow your MO and cut him loose and get on to the next one. What are you complaining about? This is how you choose to function.

But I do want to try having sex with him, he's very nice and passionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you're tormented over.

In this day and age, outside of very strict religious sects, people assume that a relationship is not exclusive unless there has been a conversation on it. No one I know would go on dates with only those they see as marriage material right from the beginning. And I've personally not had any man want to be exclusive with me before testing me out in bed, sex. And vice versa on my part, BTH.

Is he asking you to be exclusive? And you're worried about losing him b/c you want to be dating as a free agent? Is he asking you to take your profiles down?

Not yet, but he's asking if I'm dating others (I said yes I do but I don't sleep with anyone). He did state that would be an expectation to be exclusive if we are longer together. My issue is that I already know it won't be long term, but he feels like it's a long term thing and I feel a lot of responsibility that I don't want to take, or even make it worse for him after we sleep

Then follow your MO and cut him loose and get on to the next one. What are you complaining about? This is how you choose to function.

But I do want to try having sex with him, he's very nice and passionate.

Are you the person who has s** with the guy in a car then got upset when you saw another car in his driveway, by any chance?

In either case - just do what you want to do, and you can do it ethically if you just tell the other person your intentions! F*** him if you want - but tell him you're seeing other people, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you're tormented over.

In this day and age, outside of very strict religious sects, people assume that a relationship is not exclusive unless there has been a conversation on it. No one I know would go on dates with only those they see as marriage material right from the beginning. And I've personally not had any man want to be exclusive with me before testing me out in bed, sex. And vice versa on my part, BTH.

Is he asking you to be exclusive? And you're worried about losing him b/c you want to be dating as a free agent? Is he asking you to take your profiles down?

Not yet, but he's asking if I'm dating others (I said yes I do but I don't sleep with anyone). He did state that would be an expectation to be exclusive if we are longer together. My issue is that I already know it won't be long term, but he feels like it's a long term thing and I feel a lot of responsibility that I don't want to take, or even make it worse for him after we sleep

Then follow your MO and cut him loose and get on to the next one. What are you complaining about? This is how you choose to function.

But I do want to try having sex with him, he's very nice and passionate.

Are you the person who has s** with the guy in a car then got upset when you saw another car in his driveway, by any chance?

In either case - just do what you want to do, and you can do it ethically if you just tell the other person your intentions! F*** him if you want - but tell him you're seeing other people, too.

No I didn't have s.. in the car with anyone and then saw other cars on the driveway, what is it about?

[Anonymous]

If this isn't a troll I completely disbelieve that you can hold an intellectual conversation as you claim to with this man, or any man, or at all. You seem to have the maturity of a teenager.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say you don’t want to hurt him by not bedding him, but how do you think she will feel if you do and then also don’t express that you don’t want anything long term with him?

Cut him loose as you don’t want to be with him. You want what you want, which is fine, but you want him only on your terms. You have to communicate with him so her gets to make a choice about what he wants based on your answers and intentions.

I don’t think what you want is wrong, but it may not work for you everyone, and he gets to make that choice for himself. Use your words. Stop using people. Even if you pay your way, his intentions and time mean something.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a catch. Cut him loose, he'll find someone quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll I completely disbelieve that you can hold an intellectual conversation as you claim to with this man, or any man, or at all. You seem to have the maturity of a teenager.

Men don't always want only intellectual conversations, you know?

[Anonymous]

Not really sure what the problem is. Tell him: "I really like you, but I'm not looking for exclusivity right now". The ball is in his court after that. He'll either agree or he won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really sure what the problem is. Tell him: "I really like you, but I'm not looking for exclusivity right now". The ball is in his court after that. He'll either agree or he won't.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really sure what the problem is. Tell him: "I really like you, but I'm not looking for exclusivity right now". The ball is in his court after that. He'll either agree or he won't.

+ 1

But I think the issuen is she IS sort of looking for exclusivity. She wants them to be exclusive in a sexual nature and not in a dating nature. And he may be fine with that. I for one wouldn't be interested in this arrangement if a guy wanted that for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really sure what the problem is. Tell him: "I really like you, but I'm not looking for exclusivity right now". The ball is in his court after that. He'll either agree or he won't.

+ 1

But I think the issuen is she IS sort of looking for exclusivity. She wants them to be exclusive in a sexual nature and not in a dating nature. And he may be fine with that. I for one wouldn't be interested in this arrangement if a guy wanted that for me.

Yes, she wants her cake and eat it too.
Horny and wants to have sex with him.
And if sex with him is good, wants it to keep going as exclusive sexual partners.
But still wants the freedom to keep dating and have other male attention.

[Anonymous]

Just be honest with yourself and him. You want an exclusive F buddy. You’ll sleep with him but date other and he can date others but you want him to only sleep with you. You remind me so much of a good friend of mine who treated and treats dating exactly like you do. She’s been single for over ten years and she’s miserable. She’s incredibly attractive though, so she still gets asked out frequently by different men. But she is incredibly unrealistic.

I think you should just make your profile clear that you want someone to have sex with exclusively but if they aren’t everything you’re looking for in a partner you’re going to continue to ho around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be honest with yourself and him. You want an exclusive F buddy. You’ll sleep with him but date other and he can date others but you want him to only sleep with you. You remind me so much of a good friend of mine who treated and treats dating exactly like you do. She’s been single for over ten years and she’s miserable. She’s incredibly attractive though, so she still gets asked out frequently by different men. But she is incredibly unrealistic.

I think you should just make your profile clear that you want someone to have sex with exclusively but if they aren’t everything you’re looking for in a partner you’re going to continue to ho around.

OP here - but I am not miserable I’m happy single and with my lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I don’t fully understand. But yes, you need to tell him you are looking for sexual exclusivity but don’t see long-term potential and will continue dating in pursuit of a permanent partner. And that when you find someone better-suited, you will be ending things. He deserves to know that there is no end-game - this is temporary dating/sexual exclusivity until you find someone better. It’s only fair.

He may opt out, which is fine - you’re not that invested anyway.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like someone I know. She's now continuously circling the block because she's not as appealing as she used to be and has already "dated" half of the Pentagon.

I will never understand wanting one of the biggest perks of exclusivity (access to safe sex) without being willing to earn it with all the other things (time, affection, partnership). You want lots of male attention and freedom of movement, but sexual monogamy? It sounds like you're enamored with the idea of having men compete over you but aren't willing to truly take a chance on a relationship. You want the illusion of options without the responsibility of choice. At least when a man has these sorts of delusions he knows that he'll at least need to pick up the tab for dates.