Not ready to become exclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP wants a guy to give her sex on her terms, while getting other men to buy her dinners.

If you read above, I don’t go for dinners with other men. It’s simple coffee dates and chatting online. I’m rarely interested in second-third dates . Anyone I would go out for a seated dinner would be a very serious contender for exclusive sex. Takes a year for me to find that level of attraction with someone who checks all the boxes. At that point I would already drift away from my current partner. That’s how breakup happened in my prior two relationships

[Anonymous]

Op, stop justifying yourself to idiots. Live your life and don’t doubt yourself. I totally understand you and would be doing the exact same. And I won’t be returning to this thread… perhaps it’s time to leave the forum altogether.
-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you do not deserve all the abuse you're getting here. I sometimes have felt this way and several of the people I've dated have felt this way. When you don't have kids but do have options, this kind of thing happens all the time. It can really hurt when you're the one trying to get more serious. It's usually no big deal when you're the one who has genuine feelings but you aren't ready to commit. You may not end up satisfied, but you're not a C#nt, in my opinion.

Thank you - committed relationships can take many forms IMHO. It wasn’t a sin in France for a married woman to appear in court and flirt with other men. I don’t know why I’m judged for being honest .

I thought the whole point is that you (OP) don’t want a committed relationship just exclusive sex.

What is the point of me limiting my dating options if he can’t offer moving in together for at least 3 years? Yes, I like him. But I am so enjoy dating, and benefits of single life. Until I meet someone who can become that partner to me, in day to day life. Until then, what is the point in limiting my social dating?

Commitmentphobe. It’s called deepening and strengthening your relationship with your partner. No one is going to put up with your crap for 3 years. Can’t have it both ways and expect to find anything but casual sex.

Why I as a woman have to put up with him living his life on his terms and not being able to move in with me in 1.5 year, for example ? What if he meets someone in these 3 years he would immediately propose to, and introduce to his child? I would feel totally stupid for making someone a priority whereby I wasn’t a priority for them, despite all the romantic words

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted earlier asking why the man would want to be with you under those conditions, but the fact that you are both in your forties changes EVERYTHING for me. You are also financially secure and gorgeous, which, as I said, causes men to be more flexible.

In your life situation you do not have to bow down or limit your options for any man. If you can't live your dream, who can? Women like you will always have their pick. I'm glad you had the honest conversation and wish you well going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just be upfront now. If the roles were reversed wouldn’t you want to know?

When the roles are reversed she is going to mad that he is sleeping with other woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is dodging the age question. It's OK to be old, just let us know we can put your decision making skills in context lol

We are both in our 40s. Yes, I don’t want to be strung along while he’s raising his child. My timeline is tighter than his to find the right partner and move in together. But he’s the best I’ve met so far, so no point to backtrack from relationship, under certain conditions. I don’t want to invest in it more than he can de-facto invest/commit to in the near perspective. Action, not words matter to me. In the meantime, I’ll be dating socially

OP this is PP who asked the age question. Thanks for letting us know. Wish you luck, didn't mean to be cruel, also helps explain the overthinking here a bit vs younger. I think you should just be open with the guy. Don't overthink it. Just be direct and let the chips fall where they may.

Let us know how it goes. I expect he'll get attached to you, you'll get bored with him and you can move on guilt free knowing you were up front about what's going on. Let him decide what's right for him given the above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted earlier asking why the man would want to be with you under those conditions, but the fact that you are both in your forties changes EVERYTHING for me. You are also financially secure and gorgeous, which, as I said, causes men to be more flexible.

In your life situation you do not have to bow down or limit your options for any man. If you can't live your dream, who can? Women like you will always have their pick. I'm glad you had the honest conversation and wish you well going forward.

Lol

[Anonymous]

As long as you are 100% upfront and open about what you want and don't want - then do whatever you please. As long as the other person has full knowledge of what they are and aren't getting into - you are adults - be as casual or non monogamous as you want to be.

Just don't screw people around or play head games or use people to get your needs met. By id life surely most people are past that and can be clear on what and who they want. I have zero time for people who lie, omit deceive or can't adult yet and communicate. Fine if you are 16 and figuring out life, not fine in your 40s when you people expect others to act like adults and be honest and open about what they want or don't want. Nothing worse than trying to date in your mid 40s and running into people who haven't matured since 16.

[Anonymous]

The guy wants to be in an exclusive relationship. Please be kind and let him know ASAP that you aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Ick

Anonymous wrote:F here, dating a little over a year after a long marriage and divorce. Initially I was looking for a long term partner, but after some time on the apps I realized that dating on its own brings me a lot of joy and self-reflection of what I'm looking for in a relationship. I don't sleep around (didn't really date in my 20s before I got married). But I enjoy company of different men and won't pass on offers of dates with those I'm really attracted to, even if I'm sleeping with someone else already.

There is someone touching base if I'm seeing others, and I told him yes I do date others, too. He has a younger child, it will be separate households situation for a while. I see no point in stopping seeing others, since co-habilitation is not in the cards. I don't want to commit to anything if we are not really partners in day to day life. I feel like I owe it to myself to meet different people, enjoy the sex and social aspects of dating, and eventually meet someone who can offer me a real partnership.

We haven't slept yet, and I do want to try. In practical terms, I would spend some weekends with him and some with others (non-sexually but I don't want to stop going out socially with others or remove profile from the apps).

Shall I tell this about my dating intentions with him upfront and honestly, or since he's not pressuring too much on exclusivity and we are not there, to hold on this conversation until after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy wants to be in an exclusive relationship. Please be kind and let him know ASAP that you aren’t.

OP here - but I am wanting the exclusive sexually relationship, too! I wouldn’t sleep with others, won’t travel out of town for date weekends with anyone but him, would only invite him to events with my friends. But I don’t feel like I can commit to stop being introduced to other men socially, because my partner is on a different timeline and stage of life in building what I consider a full relationship

[Anonymous]

Of course you tell him. Simple conversation

Before this goes any further, I just want to be sure you know that I am not ready to be exclusive right now. I am still dating other people. I am not looking for a sexually exclusive relationship. I like you and spending time with you but I just want to be sure you know that I am only looking for casual for now.

Then he can decide if he is in or out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you tell him. Simple conversation

Before this goes any further, I just want to be sure you know that I am not ready to be exclusive right now. I am still dating other people. I am not looking for a sexually exclusive relationship. I like you and spending time with you but I just want to be sure you know that I am only looking for casual for now.

Then he can decide if he is in or out.

Did you even read what I wrote ? I am interested in sexual exclusivity with him , but he of course can go out and meet other women. I have enough data in my hands to trust he won’t sleep around: he’s very mono and concerned in that sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you tell him. Simple conversation

Before this goes any further, I just want to be sure you know that I am not ready to be exclusive right now. I am still dating other people. I am not looking for a sexually exclusive relationship. I like you and spending time with you but I just want to be sure you know that I am only looking for casual for now.

Then he can decide if he is in or out.

You’ve totally misunderstood what OP wants. She does want a sexually exclusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you tell him. Simple conversation

Before this goes any further, I just want to be sure you know that I am not ready to be exclusive right now. I am still dating other people. I am not looking for a sexually exclusive relationship. I like you and spending time with you but I just want to be sure you know that I am only looking for casual for now.

Then he can decide if he is in or out.

Did you even read what I wrote ? I am interested in sexual exclusivity with him , but he of course can go out and meet other women. I have enough data in my hands to trust he won’t sleep around: he’s very mono and concerned in that sense.

That doesn't really make sense - who are these other men you are going to date who know up front you aren't interested in this every becoming a relationship or anything sexual? You just want to use other men for what? Get them to buy you dinners? Where are you going to find men who want to date casually knowing it will go nowhere?

It isn't that hard to be honest. Tell the guy you are seeing what you want and don't want and what you plan to do and not do and let him decide if he is in or out.