He's vacationing with his ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not date a guy who ghosted me for a month.

I also would not date a guy who vacationed with his ex.

Move on.

This. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be okay. It’s a way for him to actually spend Christmas with his girls.
Would you rather he prefer to hang with his new girlfriend? Yes, it could be weird or it could be a sign he’s a connected involved dad that’s willing to compromise. I’d reserve judgement.

OP: Part of being divorced is splitting holidays though. You don't continue to act like you're a nuclear family.

Ugh, OP you don't get it. No, divorce =/= never spending holidays together. They'll be a family forever. That's what happens when you have children together. His kids are a higher priority than you and if he's a decent parent then they always will be. You're the stereotypical jealous, insecure woman with no kids who's threatened by the Dad's commitment to his family. Any decent stepmom would support this commitment and be a source of love and support for the kids, not competing with them like you are. You're not stepmom material.

Plus the whole ghosting you for a month is reason enough to walk away. You need to find someone without kids so you both can be DINKS together.

OP: Who said I didn't have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do this. There’s absolutely nothing going on. Kids are 13 and 10. They love it. It is not confusing for them. It demonstrates that they are the most important people to both of us and that we’re a family, differently configured. We date, we know each other’s partners, we support their kids. Family and friendships can be more inclusive and the kids can be loved and supported by a group of safe adults that honor the relationships that are important to them. People are complex, life is long, kids aren’t stupid and can handle nuance. However, this doesn’t really sound like a situation for you. Do yourself, that guy, his ex, their kids, and the future people each might date who would would be a better fit, a favor. Walk.

You won’t really know how your kids feel about this until they are adults.

My divorced parents did this when I was a kid and my siblings and I loved it. Maybe the PP's kids won't, but just putting this perspective out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not date a guy who ghosted me for a month.

I also would not date a guy who vacationed with his ex.

Move on.

This. You can do better.

Totally agree. There's no need to put up with nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

I wouldn’t say most people are judgmental as much as they don’t want to date you or people like you who vacation with your exes; however, clearly from this post we can see that there are others like you out there, so you all should get together and date each other when you’re not spending time with your exes. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Huge difference between doing “some
Holidays” together meaning a couple of hours at one exes place and vacationing together. Holidays I can understand and full on vacation with a hotel stay or overnight together: I wouldn’t want to date you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

I wouldn’t say most people are judgmental as much as they don’t want to date you or people like you who vacation with your exes; however, clearly from this post we can see that there are others like you out there, so you all should get together and date each other when you’re not spending time with your exes. Problem solved.

Of course people should only date people they’re comfortable with. But clearly a lot of people on here are judgmental about it, calling it weird and saying all divorced people split holidays (just 2 examples). In my case ya we split the holiday (we don’t sleep in the same house) but we’ll do a meal and activity together.

My ex and l were both invited to a major holiday at a mutual friends and both accepted after confirming with each other and host that it was cool. Former bestie asked her to disinvite one of us. Host told us bestie was looking for someone to blame for the divorce because she was uncomfortable hanging out with us together. She prioritized her comfort over us doing what we thought was best for our kid. Host invited both of us and it was cool, but my close relationship with former bestie was pretty much over after that. So anyhow - please don’t judge when people prioritize their kids. Don’t call it weird. I realize this is a bit off topic and I’m not dating, I’m sure l have too much baggage for some people. I think mid 40s, single and no baggage is hard to come by though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

I wouldn’t say most people are judgmental as much as they don’t want to date you or people like you who vacation with your exes; however, clearly from this post we can see that there are others like you out there, so you all should get together and date each other when you’re not spending time with your exes. Problem solved.

Of course people should only date people they’re comfortable with. But clearly a lot of people on here are judgmental about it, calling it weird and saying all divorced people split holidays (just 2 examples). In my case ya we split the holiday (we don’t sleep in the same house) but we’ll do a meal and activity together.

My ex and l were both invited to a major holiday at a mutual friends and both accepted after confirming with each other and host that it was cool. Former bestie asked her to disinvite one of us. Host told us bestie was looking for someone to blame for the divorce because she was uncomfortable hanging out with us together. She prioritized her comfort over us doing what we thought was best for our kid. Host invited both of us and it was cool, but my close relationship with former bestie was pretty much over after that. So anyhow - please don’t judge when people prioritize their kids. Don’t call it weird. I realize this is a bit off topic and I’m not dating, I’m sure l have too much baggage for some people. I think mid 40s, single and no baggage is hard to come by though.

Your former bestie does not have to prioritize your child over her discomfort.
You DO need to prioritize your child over your discomfort.

Your situation is different as it involved a group dynamic, not a “forever family” going on a vacation together.

You can do things that aren’t typical, even if you are called weird for it and still respect yourself. Think of yourself as a trailblazer, don’t look to others for validation and keep on trucking with your situation if it is working for you. I am not saying any of this to be mean, just to tell you that your post reads you feel bad about the entire situation and not being “normal.” As someone who has had baggage practically from birth at a certain point, you have to realize that you live your life for you not for what other people think of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

I like how you are cherry-picking and completely ignoring the fact that it is not the vacationing together factor alone that OP is worried about and that most posters are saying is a red flag: ***he also ghosted her for a month.***

Are you actually saying that someone who ghosted her for a month and is vacationing with his family is not a red flag? The ghosting for a month alone would be a red flag! Can you really say otherwise with a straight face?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

I like how you are cherry-picking and completely ignoring the fact that it is not the vacationing together factor alone that OP is worried about and that most posters are saying is a red flag: ***he also ghosted her for a month.***

Are you actually saying that someone who ghosted her for a month and is vacationing with his family is not a red flag? The ghosting for a month alone would be a red flag! Can you really say otherwise with a straight face?

I thanked her because I’ve been called weird (and other things) for doing stuff together with my ex and kid. In our situation it’s best for the kid. It’s off topic. Happens all the time on DCUM. Of course the ghosting sucks. I’m not giving advice to the OP.

[Anonymous]

You're not weird for this. If it bothers you, it bothers you. Enough said.

I don't personally think it's weird. They're clearly trying to keep it cool for the kids. How long have they been divorced?

If it's less than 2-3 years, it makes even more sense. As the kids grow older I would expect less of this.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I don't think this is weird but I am divorced with a kid and I get the co-parenting dynamic. It isn't for everyone.

ExDH and I co-parent very "closely" for some. This was a big deal for a lot of guys when I was dating and I broke things off with them rather quickly and early on because of it.

I don't go on trips to see his family because I don't really care for them but he occasionally came with me to see mine as he likes them and they like him. Also, most importantly, our DS was fairly young at the time (under 5 years old), and travelling with a little kid can be a lot.

As DS grew older, ExDH didn't tag along as much. I've since re-married and ExDH never comes on our vacations. We do attend events of his though (i.e. sports, school programs, lessons, etc.) and if oour son insisted or expressed really wanting the two of us to do a trip, we probably would and my DH would come along. We're all adults and are civil with one another.

How long has this guy been divorced? If it's fresh, everyone is still transitioning and the parents are trying to keep some things "normal" for the kids at this time. I think as the girls grow older this will be less of a thing but never go into a situation expecting it to change.

If this relationship has a future, I would ask him about it, as in, does he intend to go on vacations with them indefinitely into the future or will it change as the children get older.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine for him to do that if it works for him and his kids, and it’s fine for it to be a dealbreaker for you.