He's vacationing with his ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was at a small gathering last week with a friend, his ex wife and her new husband. Walked in on conversation where h he was finalize details of winter break trip with his ex wife’s husband. It will be him, ex, new husband and two kids, 11 and 14. He puts the kids first and though they had their issues while married, he genuinely happy to see her happy. And he is happier. They never speak negatively about each other.

Maybe not your cup of tea. But he could just be a mature guy, whose marriage didn’t work out but still has a great relationship with kids.

OP: You missing the part about the ex having a NEW HUSBAND? That's a pretty big piece of the puzzle. I'd feel pretty differently if his ex-wife had a new husband too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re insecure AF.

You'd be cool with the guy you're seeing traveling across the country to spend a major holiday with his ex-wife? I guess I must be insecure too then.

NP. Yes, I would be fine with it. If this is a problem for you, you should not date men with children.

[Anonymous]

If I was very casually seeing some guy, non exclusive and on and off and he had an issue with me having Christmas with my ex and kids, I would be done with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was very casually seeing some guy, non exclusive and on and off and he had an issue with me having Christmas with my ex and kids, I would be done with him.

It's probably very easy to say that, but you'd never form a new relationship if you're always hanging onto your ex husband and running to him every holiday season. It would be weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re insecure AF.

You'd be cool with the guy you're seeing traveling across the country to spend a major holiday with his ex-wife? I guess I must be insecure too then.

I’m sure he wants to be with his kids. I for one admire that he is able to have a good relationship with his ex for the sake of his kids.

This. OP will not be able to handle a good coparenting relationship with the ex. Nothing wrong with it. But he is not the right guy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt “vacationing together” is the right phrase. I’d assume he’s in a hotel while she is staying with family. He’ll get some skiiing in and maybe catch up on work emails and join them for Christmas Eve and some part of Christmas day, maybe take the kids out to a movie so mom can meet up with college friends, etc. you don’t know what the kids are going through and it might have been important to them to spend time with both parents at Christmas.

Oh, dear. Sure he's in a hotel. I'm sure he was invited to join up with family so he could stay in a hotel.
I'm not a spring chicken anymore (I have grandkids) so I can't say I'm versed in how couples conduct themselves these days, but let's think logically for a moment, shall we? Would you invite someone to stay with your family if they had to foot the bill for a hotel? What's in it for these kids then? What's in it for him? That implies he's entirely separate from the festivities. Is he doing his own meals? Is he being dropped off at night? Anyone who falls for this was born yesterday.

I don’t think you understand with a lot of divorces look like now. If you have grandkids and divorces in your day, look drastically different than they do now. I am PP who is divorced and I can assure you I wasn’t even having sex with a man that I was married to for a decade. We did not have sex for seven years, but I would go on vacation with him to be with the kids only and no one is messing around. We don’t want to miss any moments with our kids because life is too short. We cannot be married. We cannot live in the same house and we cannot share money but we can bear to be together for a week for our kids and no there’s nothing else going on. People really have to start understanding that when people are doing 50-50, custody divorce looks drastically different than divorce is used to look and people have to put all this crap aside and coparent, which is very different than having strict strict boundaries like the past that really is not good for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

That's not the issue though. I'm sure the kids will love it, as I'm sure they'd love if Mom & Dad got back together. OP is asking if YOU would be okay dating a man who did this.

I’m happily remarried, but I would rather have dated a man who had a friendly relationship with his XW than one that was contentious, so sure. DH and his XW visited 3 colleges with their son, about 6 months after we started dating. I never thought twice about it. Not exactly a vacation, but they were together for most of the day, every day, for six days. They ate meals together and I’m sure had a lot of laughs. It didn’t cross my mind to worry. That was more than a decade ago. I forgot it happened until you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be okay. It’s a way for him to actually spend Christmas with his girls.
Would you rather he prefer to hang with his new girlfriend? Yes, it could be weird or it could be a sign he’s a connected involved dad that’s willing to compromise. I’d reserve judgement.

OP: Part of being divorced is splitting holidays though. You don't continue to act like you're a nuclear family.

Yeah, F those kids and their family, that’s what I always say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be okay. It’s a way for him to actually spend Christmas with his girls.
Would you rather he prefer to hang with his new girlfriend? Yes, it could be weird or it could be a sign he’s a connected involved dad that’s willing to compromise. I’d reserve judgement.

OP: Part of being divorced is splitting holidays though. You don't continue to act like you're a nuclear family.

Yeah, F those kids and their family, that’s what I always say.

Don't be purposefully obtuse. That's hardly what OP is saying at all. I can tell this thread is populated by mommies who hope to keep their claws in their husbands when and if they divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be okay. It’s a way for him to actually spend Christmas with his girls.
Would you rather he prefer to hang with his new girlfriend? Yes, it could be weird or it could be a sign he’s a connected involved dad that’s willing to compromise. I’d reserve judgement.

OP: Part of being divorced is splitting holidays though. You don't continue to act like you're a nuclear family.

Yeah, F those kids and their family, that’s what I always say.

Don't be purposefully obtuse. That's hardly what OP is saying at all. I can tell this thread is populated by mommies who hope to keep their claws in their husbands when and if they divorce.

Maybe it’s full of fathers.

[Anonymous]

Let me fix the title for you, OP.

"He's going to Colorado to bang his ex-wife and play house so he can come home and get back in bed with me while pretending to be a great dad. Am I justified to dump this POS?"

There you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be okay. It’s a way for him to actually spend Christmas with his girls.
Would you rather he prefer to hang with his new girlfriend? Yes, it could be weird or it could be a sign he’s a connected involved dad that’s willing to compromise. I’d reserve judgement.

OP: Part of being divorced is splitting holidays though. You don't continue to act like you're a nuclear family.

Yeah, F those kids and their family, that’s what I always say.

Don't be purposefully obtuse. That's hardly what OP is saying at all. I can tell this thread is populated by mommies who hope to keep their claws in their husbands when and if they divorce.

Maybe it’s full of fathers.

Certainly! Fathers who wanna bang both their ex-wives and their girlfriends. I have little doubt there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was very casually seeing some guy, non exclusive and on and off and he had an issue with me having Christmas with my ex and kids, I would be done with him.

It's probably very easy to say that, but you'd never form a new relationship if you're always hanging onto your ex husband and running to him every holiday season. It would be weird.

I vacation with my ex and DCs and my new BF could not handle it. Even though we have no physical relationship and have not had for over a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was very casually seeing some guy, non exclusive and on and off and he had an issue with me having Christmas with my ex and kids, I would be done with him.

It's probably very easy to say that, but you'd never form a new relationship if you're always hanging onto your ex husband and running to him every holiday season. It would be weird.

I vacation with my ex and DCs and my new BF could not handle it. Even though we have no physical relationship and have not had for over a decade.

Girl-- cause it's WEIRD.

[Anonymous]

How long has he been divorced? It might be too soon for him to be dating.