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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.[/quote]

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

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Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue.  My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.[/quote]

Thanks for posting this.  I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid.  It’s not awkward.  We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together.  I hate that some people are so judgmental about it. [/quote]

I wouldn’t say most people are judgmental as much as they don’t want to date you or people like you who vacation with your exes; however, clearly from this post we can see that there are others like you out there, so you all should get together and date each other when you’re not spending time with your exes. Problem solved. [/quote]

Of course people should only date people they’re comfortable with.  But clearly a lot of people on here are judgmental about it, calling it weird and saying all divorced people split holidays (just 2 examples). In my case ya we split the holiday (we don’t sleep in the same house) but we’ll do a meal and activity together.

My ex and l were both invited to a major holiday at a mutual friends and both accepted after confirming with each other and host that it was cool.  Former bestie asked her to disinvite one of us.  Host told us bestie was looking for someone to blame for the divorce because she was uncomfortable hanging out with us together.  She prioritized her comfort over us doing what we thought was best for our kid.  Host invited both of us and it was cool, but my close relationship with former bestie was pretty much over after that.  So anyhow - please don’t judge when people prioritize their kids.  Don’t call it weird.  I realize this is a bit off topic and I’m not dating, I’m sure l have too much baggage for some people.  I think mid 40s, single and no baggage is hard to come by though.[/quote]

Your former bestie does not have to prioritize your child over her discomfort.  
You DO need to prioritize your child over your discomfort.

Your situation is different as it involved a group dynamic, not a “forever family” going on a vacation together.

You can do things that aren’t typical, even if you are called weird for it and still respect yourself.  Think of yourself as a trailblazer, don’t look to others for validation and keep on trucking with your situation if it is working for you.  I am not saying any of this to be mean, just to tell you that your post reads you feel bad about the entire situation and not being “normal.” As someone who has  had baggage practically from birth at a certain point, you have to realize that you live your life for you not for what other people think of you. [/quote]

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