He's vacationing with his ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine for him to do that if it works for him and his kids, and it’s fine for it to be a dealbreaker for you.

Agree. Only you know if it’s a deal breaker for you.

Regarding the ghosting part, reminds me of that movie - maybe he’s just not that into you. If he’s really into you he’d at least send a text saying the work week is nuts and sorry l haven’t been in touch. Not let it go a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine for him to do that if it works for him and his kids, and it’s fine for it to be a dealbreaker for you.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re insecure AF.

You'd be cool with the guy you're seeing traveling across the country to spend a major holiday with his ex-wife? I guess I must be insecure too then.

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis…? If you’re confident, you shouldn’t give a F. Guess you’re not confident. 🤷‍♂️

[Anonymous]

My H & I are separated & have been for several years. Zero chance or interest in reconciliation. Live in different states. He has a GF (divorced mom of two elementary kids). He comes to stay at my place (kids are with me) every other weekend. We are doing Xmas together with my mom, sister & family like we always have. I remain very close / connected with my SILs. He says (& I believe) that the GF is fully aware & OK with the situation. We split all child & household expenses 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H & I are separated & have been for several years. Zero chance or interest in reconciliation. Live in different states. He has a GF (divorced mom of two elementary kids). He comes to stay at my place (kids are with me) every other weekend. We are doing Xmas together with my mom, sister & family like we always have. I remain very close / connected with my SILs. He says (& I believe) that the GF is fully aware & OK with the situation. We split all child & household expenses 50/50.

He pays 50/50 for a place he stays in 4 nights a month and has to celebrate holidays with your family to see his kids? I can see how that works well for you! Not much has changed for you but why no divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H & I are separated & have been for several years. Zero chance or interest in reconciliation. Live in different states. He has a GF (divorced mom of two elementary kids). He comes to stay at my place (kids are with me) every other weekend. We are doing Xmas together with my mom, sister & family like we always have. I remain very close / connected with my SILs. He says (& I believe) that the GF is fully aware & OK with the situation. We split all child & household expenses 50/50.

He pays 50/50 for a place he stays in 4 nights a month and has to celebrate holidays with your family to see his kids? I can see how that works well for you! Not much has changed for you but why no divorce?

He lives in our much bigger, nicer house in the other state and I continue to pay 50% of the costs of running that house that I only spend a few weeks in all year. He remains on all my excellent insurance policies (car, heath, dental, vision, etc.). I think it’s a net loss for me unless you consider time with kids which is my #1 priority. We will ultimately divorce although no plans for that, for now. We are considering a legal separation. I think the reason we haven’t done anything so far is finances. It is definitely unorthodox which we recognize. Nobody else needs to be OK with it except I guess his GF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H & I are separated & have been for several years. Zero chance or interest in reconciliation. Live in different states. He has a GF (divorced mom of two elementary kids). He comes to stay at my place (kids are with me) every other weekend. We are doing Xmas together with my mom, sister & family like we always have. I remain very close / connected with my SILs. He says (& I believe) that the GF is fully aware & OK with the situation. We split all child & household expenses 50/50.

He pays 50/50 for a place he stays in 4 nights a month and has to celebrate holidays with your family to see his kids? I can see how that works well for you! Not much has changed for you but why no divorce?

He lives in our much bigger, nicer house in the other state and I continue to pay 50% of the costs of running that house that I only spend a few weeks in all year. He remains on all my excellent insurance policies (car, heath, dental, vision, etc.). I think it’s a net loss for me unless you consider time with kids which is my #1 priority. We will ultimately divorce although no plans for that, for now. We are considering a legal separation. I think the reason we haven’t done anything so far is finances. It is definitely unorthodox which we recognize. Nobody else needs to be OK with it except I guess his GF!

Oh you are rich/ UMC so you can configure your lives to suit you. I get it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H & I are separated & have been for several years. Zero chance or interest in reconciliation. Live in different states. He has a GF (divorced mom of two elementary kids). He comes to stay at my place (kids are with me) every other weekend. We are doing Xmas together with my mom, sister & family like we always have. I remain very close / connected with my SILs. He says (& I believe) that the GF is fully aware & OK with the situation. We split all child & household expenses 50/50.

He pays 50/50 for a place he stays in 4 nights a month and has to celebrate holidays with your family to see his kids? I can see how that works well for you! Not much has changed for you but why no divorce?

He lives in our much bigger, nicer house in the other state and I continue to pay 50% of the costs of running that house that I only spend a few weeks in all year. He remains on all my excellent insurance policies (car, heath, dental, vision, etc.). I think it’s a net loss for me unless you consider time with kids which is my #1 priority. We will ultimately divorce although no plans for that, for now. We are considering a legal separation. I think the reason we haven’t done anything so far is finances. It is definitely unorthodox which we recognize. Nobody else needs to be OK with it except I guess his GF!

Oh you are rich/ UMC so you can configure your lives to suit you. I get it now.

She is just lying in wait and hoping to snag dish man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H & I are separated & have been for several years. Zero chance or interest in reconciliation. Live in different states. He has a GF (divorced mom of two elementary kids). He comes to stay at my place (kids are with me) every other weekend. We are doing Xmas together with my mom, sister & family like we always have. I remain very close / connected with my SILs. He says (& I believe) that the GF is fully aware & OK with the situation. We split all child & household expenses 50/50.

He pays 50/50 for a place he stays in 4 nights a month and has to celebrate holidays with your family to see his kids? I can see how that works well for you! Not much has changed for you but why no divorce?

He lives in our much bigger, nicer house in the other state and I continue to pay 50% of the costs of running that house that I only spend a few weeks in all year. He remains on all my excellent insurance policies (car, heath, dental, vision, etc.). I think it’s a net loss for me unless you consider time with kids which is my #1 priority. We will ultimately divorce although no plans for that, for now. We are considering a legal separation. I think the reason we haven’t done anything so far is finances. It is definitely unorthodox which we recognize. Nobody else needs to be OK with it except I guess his GF!

And yet he has a serious GF? Sounds like borderline bigamy! As well as a huge waste of resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my kids would have appreciated an opportunity to vacation with both parents at age 10. It would have been awful for me (my XH was abusive) so I never considered it.

Hi! ACOD here. My parents tried doing things like joint holiday celebrations (at the recommendation of my mother’s quack therapist). It was awful and every one of my several siblings and I (and we’re all very different types of people) hated it.

Another ACOD here. I just posted, but in contrast to you my siblings and I really liked it when our divorced parents did things together with us. As a (married) mom, I can appreciate what they did even more now. It gave my brothers and I an understanding that relationships are complex and that even if marriages end, a type of caring relationship can continue. My siblings and I talk about this all the time, and how it has given us relationship skills.

Thanks for posting this. I’m divorced with a 10 year old and my ex and l do some holidays together for our kid. It’s not awkward. We get along pretty well as long as we’re not living together. I hate that some people are so judgmental about it.

Depends what holiday togethers are. Do a local activity with the kids is understandable. Traveling to Bermuda together for the holidays to me is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not date a guy who ghosted me for a month.

I also would not date a guy who vacationed with his ex.

Move on.

No need for the subsequent pages, this is all you need to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re insecure AF.

You'd be cool with the guy you're seeing traveling across the country to spend a major holiday with his ex-wife? I guess I must be insecure too then.

+2 for apparently being insecure/ having standards for my men

This is casual and I would be more concerned about month silence than spending time with his kids and their mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not date a guy who ghosted me for a month.

I also would not date a guy who vacationed with his ex.

Move on.

+1, it’s just not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a guy I've been seeing casually for a little while. We lost touch for a month or so, but he reached out to me and said he wanted to see me again, apologized for the silence, and said he would do better with his communication (which he has). However, he told me he is vacationing with his ex-wife and their twin girls (kids are 10) to see her family in Colorado for Christmas. I find this super weird, and I don't really want to be involved with anyone who is vacationing with their ex-spouse. I know we're not committed to one another or anything like that yet, but it still gives me all kinds of red flags.

Am I alone in this? I'm thinking of just walking away from the situation.

OP, an interesting way to crack this nut would be to plan to join them on the Colorado journey but a little bit on the down low. Staying with them could be awkward and would blow your cover, so perhaps you pose as a neighbor who just happened to drop by, or an Uber eats driver or some other delivery or transactional support person (Gas co.?) who can show up once or twice and get a look-see at the overall dynamic between them and who’s-doing what. Your significant other would know it was you, and the kids, but the ex would just think you were “Kathy” from Uber Eats or whatever. Would give you more info on which to make your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a guy I've been seeing casually for a little while. We lost touch for a month or so, but he reached out to me and said he wanted to see me again, apologized for the silence, and said he would do better with his communication (which he has). However, he told me he is vacationing with his ex-wife and their twin girls (kids are 10) to see her family in Colorado for Christmas. I find this super weird, and I don't really want to be involved with anyone who is vacationing with their ex-spouse. I know we're not committed to one another or anything like that yet, but it still gives me all kinds of red flags.

Am I alone in this? I'm thinking of just walking away from the situation.

OP, an interesting way to crack this nut would be to plan to join them on the Colorado journey but a little bit on the down low. Staying with them could be awkward and would blow your cover, so perhaps you pose as a neighbor who just happened to drop by, or an Uber eats driver or some other delivery or transactional support person (Gas co.?) who can show up once or twice and get a look-see at the overall dynamic between them and who’s-doing what. Your significant other would know it was you, and the kids, but the ex would just think you were “Kathy” from Uber Eats or whatever. Would give you more info on which to make your decision.

Please ignore the stalker advice.