Staying Together After Horrible Comments

[Anonymous]

I think a counselor can help OP and spouse with
fighting techniques and what is appropriate.

It sounds like there were 10 of these type of fights
in the past month.

[Anonymous]

This whole incident is stupid IMHO.

OP it is obvious to me that you (1) have serious marital problems that have nothing to do with the incident in question and (2) BOTH of your are disrespectful and have trouble controlling your tempers

To me, the things you both said to each other are things we sometimes “think to ourselves” - we are all human- but would not actually SAY to our spouse. There is a serious element of disrespect on both ends.

You are getting piled on but I see your DH as equally responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

ITA. Op can you describe the incident in better detail? You’re getting piled on here...but I am curious about exactly how this escalated to you calling him deranged. Was he seriously just wanting to wait quietly and politely for fries and you called him deranged out of the blue!? Or was he making a fuss of some sort before you said that? Either way, you shouldn’t have said that, but context would be helpful.

She said he got angry first then she called him deranged but most posters are ignoring his anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

ITA. Op can you describe the incident in better detail? You’re getting piled on here...but I am curious about exactly how this escalated to you calling him deranged. Was he seriously just wanting to wait quietly and politely for fries and you called him deranged out of the blue!? Or was he making a fuss of some sort before you said that? Either way, you shouldn’t have said that, but context would be helpful.

She said he got angry first then she called him deranged but most posters are ignoring his anger.

Not exactly. She got embarrassed and wanted him to drive off without his purchased fries, THEN he got angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole incident is stupid IMHO.

OP it is obvious to me that you (1) have serious marital problems that have nothing to do with the incident in question and (2) BOTH of your are disrespectful and have trouble controlling your tempers

To me, the things you both said to each other are things we sometimes “think to ourselves” - we are all human- but would not actually SAY to our spouse. There is a serious element of disrespect on both ends.

You are getting piled on but I see your DH as equally responsible.

^^^^ this.

[Anonymous]

He order fries at McDonalds.

She told him he was "deranged" for waiting for the fries.

Sure, issues may run deep with this couple, but in this case, OP's gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

OP said she wanted to “drive off,” not pull forward into the waiting spot. Most likely he took a minute when they handed him the food to check the order, and when he saw they forgot a fry, he had to wait until the worker came back to the window to ask for it, then had to wait a moment for them to get another fry. OP didn’t want to wait for him to ask for it, she wanted him to just leave without it. You can’t pull into the waiting area if they don’t even know you’re waiting for something, and you’re not supposed to pull into that spot unless the worker asks you to, because if you pull into that spot, someone has to take he time to leave the building and bring you your food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this will cheer you up and maybe you will see the negative comments differently.
https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/mind-blindness-affects-moral-reasoning-in-autism/

Are you suggesting that she or he has autism?

His comment the next day was definitely Aspie. that or he is a bonafide A-hole or half out the door.
Aspie's say cutdown stuff like that weekly.

[Anonymous]

That's the worst thing he's said to you? Hold on to him with both hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this will cheer you up and maybe you will see the negative comments differently.
https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/mind-blindness-affects-moral-reasoning-in-autism/

Are you suggesting that she or he has autism?

His comment the next day was definitely Aspie. that or he is a bonafide A-hole or half out the door.
Aspie's say cutdown stuff like that weekly.

DP. I think the more likely answer is “half out the door.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any possibility he’s having an affair?

Oh I’d say definitely! Anyone who insists on waiting 30 seconds for the full drive thru order is usually getting some dirty damp and deep on the side. It’s a scientifically proven correlation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I can't tell you how depressing it is that my options are either lose my kids for half their childhood, or stay married to you."

My husband said this to me after a fight Friday night. I'm so tired of the battle. I just want to let it all go.

Sounds like a Shock and Awe comment. Did it work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Google - husband with undiagnosed Asperger's.

OMG he doesn't have Asperger's because he wanted to wait for his fries at McDonald's. He realised they hadn't given him something that was paid for and waited for them to get it. We routinely check what we have before driving off. It really isn't a big deal.

You were embarrassed because you held up the line. Who cares, you weren't holding up the line, the staff at McDonald's were and everyone behind you knew you were waiting for your food. I doubt they even noticed you took 10 seconds longer than someone else. Why did you get so embarrassed at how you were perceived by other school parents there. Its because you were embarrassed that you blew up. To tell you the truth that isn't a normal reaction.

OP you were in the wrong. You called him deranged which is going way over board in this situation. There is a lot more going on than this though. You have been fighting a lot. Sit down and think about the real issues because fries isn't it.

Name calling isn't nice. What DH said to you wasn't nice. Your comment was just as horrible as his. You both need to think about fighting fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

ITA. Op can you describe the incident in better detail? You’re getting piled on here...but I am curious about exactly how this escalated to you calling him deranged. Was he seriously just wanting to wait quietly and politely for fries and you called him deranged out of the blue!? Or was he making a fuss of some sort before you said that? Either way, you shouldn’t have said that, but context would be helpful.

She said he got angry first then she called him deranged but most posters are ignoring his anger.

Yes he got angry first because he wanted to wait for fries he has paid for and enjoys. However OP thought he was waiting too long and told him not to worry about the fries. OP seems to think that waiting for fries at McDonalds is a huge thing so she got huffy at him and told him to go - I would bet there was an eye roll when she said it as well. Op wouldn't have smiled sweetly and said "Oh honey lets go, you can have my fries". No it would have been spat out at him with a filthy glare "Just go already, why are you holding everyone up for your stupid fries". Her DH has reacted angrily probably at her going off again over something minor he has done, I bet it's a common occurrence at the moment.

Because he got angry she called him deranged. His anger is not misplaced.

[Anonymous]

How did you even know that multiple of your kid’s teammates were in line behind you? How could you see that far behind you in the drive-thru? This is so odd and I’m trying to picture how it went down. Obviously a symptom of a much larger issue, but I’m totally on team DH here so I wonder if there’s some detail we’re all missing.