Staying Together After Horrible Comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this will cheer you up and maybe you will see the negative comments differently.
https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/mind-blindness-affects-moral-reasoning-in-autism/

Are you suggesting that she or he has autism?

She most likely not because she cared about the people in line and she considered big picture.

You’re stupid. I hope you’re not a psychologist or doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I can't tell you how depressing it is that my options are either lose my kids for half their childhood, or stay married to you."

My husband said this to me after a fight Friday night. I'm so tired of the battle. I just want to let it all go.

OP, hugs, you must feel so hurt to hear something so hurtful and devastating over such a little problem as fries.

The problem was her calling him DERANGED over him wanting to wait one minute for fries he ordered and paid for.

She.
Escalated.
It.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I can't tell you how depressing it is that my options are either lose my kids for half their childhood, or stay married to you."

My husband said this to me after a fight Friday night. I'm so tired of the battle. I just want to let it all go.

OP, hugs, you must feel so hurt to hear something so hurtful and devastating over such a little problem as fries.

The problem was her calling him DERANGED over him wanting to wait one minute for fries he ordered and paid for.

She.
Escalated.
It.

+1. I don’t understand the mentality that OP should be allowed to say any hateful thing she wants and her DH should swallow it with a smile.

[Anonymous]

Any possibility he’s having an affair?

[Anonymous]

OP: what is your marriage like otherwise?? I highly doubt this was an isolated incident.

You obviously should not have called him “deranged” especially in front of your son, and he also didn’t need to say what he said this morning. You both communicated very poorly here.

The scenario itself (obviously) isn’t the issue. Does DH frequently overreact? Do you frequently blow up at him like this?? Does he always do the overreacting “ooh now our marriage is overrrrr” type comments?? The whole things sounds altogether over dramatic. on both sides.

That said: I’d frankly have LIKED to have said what you did (or similar) to my own DH at times. Why? Because he overreacts and has a fit about the most mundane things - mine would’ve wanted to wait but also would’ve been going on and on about incompetent McDs workers, everyone is so lazy these days, blah blah. Was it something like that??? Or was he waiting patiently? I have to work very hard to keep my tongue in check, and careful to “soothe” and validate my DH as some pp’s have suggested (oh honey why don’t we pull over to the side- in a nice voice). It’s exhausting. But it is in my control and I’ve learned how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the opinion of other people is more important than you DH? So your response to this fear that other people might be judging or upset at you is to call your DH a derogatory name?

You need to be in therapy to figure out why other people are more important that you spouse.

Nailed it

Most people would consider calling spouse deranged derogatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait... telling someone they are acting "deranged" is namecalling?

Yes.

Since when is waiting for your fries at Mcd's justify someone calling you "deranged."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the other posters.

My guess is that your husband has a temper and has no sense of when it's appropriate to let something go.

I agree with you. I suspect there was some issue that was holding up the fries, and your husband, instead of just dropping it, chose to argue with the person in the drivethrough and make a scene and hold up the line.

You understand that you have to deal with the other people (the teammates in the cars waiting in the line) in the future, and it's better just to let the fries go and not make a scene.

Other PPs don't understand what it is like to be with someone who NEVER lets anything go, who is always the one making a scene. I suspect the "deranged" comment is because his behavior was disproportionate to the situation (as in, not getting your fries really doesn't merit throwing a fit and making a scene).

Don't do counseling. Make a plan to leave him.

Feminazi finally made it! We were getting worried. Did church just let out?

NP. "Feminazi? Step away from the MRA subs, they're rotting your brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I can't tell you how depressing it is that my options are either lose my kids for half their childhood, or stay married to you."

My husband said this to me after a fight Friday night. I'm so tired of the battle. I just want to let it all go.

OP, hugs, you must feel so hurt to hear something so hurtful and devastating over such a little problem as fries.

The problem was her calling him DERANGED over him wanting to wait one minute for fries he ordered and paid for.

She.
Escalated.
It.

+1. I don’t understand the mentality that OP should be allowed to say any hateful thing she wants and her DH should swallow it with a smile.

Plus 1, husband is probably tired of hearing her escalating fights over stupid stuff. Who starts a fight over waiting for a fry order at McD's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I can't tell you how depressing it is that my options are either lose my kids for half their childhood, or stay married to you."

My husband said this to me after a fight Friday night. I'm so tired of the battle. I just want to let it all go.

Generally this type of comment comes from a spouse who is really tired of the fights. Having a fight with your spouse over a McD incident is ridiculous.

You have a role in this if you are escalating things into fights over extremely minor issues.

I'd get counseling for yourself on how to handle day to day stressors.

If you don't resolve this for yourself it will continue if you get divorced and you move onto a new partner. No man in America wants to leave
a McD fry behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

Some of the McD's don't have the pull off areas. It really depends on the McD. Some you have to sit there and wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the opinion of other people is more important than you DH? So your response to this fear that other people might be judging or upset at you is to call your DH a derogatory name?

You need to be in therapy to figure out why other people are more important that you spouse.

Not entirely fair. He got angry first. Why on earth is this problem worthy of anger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

Yup, fries are the best part. You never want to be shorted on fries. McDonalds always has a line and like PP says they have special parking for order issues.

I know everyone is having fun piling on and I hate to interrupt, but it kind of sounds like they wanted OP'S husband to pull off to the side and he refused, insisting to stay put. OP?

ITA. Op can you describe the incident in better detail? You’re getting piled on here...but I am curious about exactly how this escalated to you calling him deranged. Was he seriously just wanting to wait quietly and politely for fries and you called him deranged out of the blue!? Or was he making a fuss of some sort before you said that? Either way, you shouldn’t have said that, but context would be helpful.