Staying Together After Horrible Comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was a ridiculous tiff but one of 10 in the last month.

We were leaving our son's late baseball game Friday and stopped at McDs drive through. There were a bunch of his team mates families in line behind us. The person at the drive through window forgot to include one order of fries we'd paid for. Husband insisted on staying put until we got what we paid for. I was embarrassed that we were holding up the line and just wanted to drive off. He got angry and I told him he was acting "deranged" about some fries. He said I was ridiculous and it spiraled into a fight that lasted the drive home.

I slept on the couch and this was his comment the next day.

You were wrong and he was right. I understand his problem.

He was right in the moment, but then he escalated the situation by telling her he didn't want to be married to her anymore and was only staying for the kids. Now those words will linger between them even if they stay together.

do you REALLY think OP has not acted out at her DH like this before? Think about it for a second - OP concerns is about herself and only herself so one would think this is running thread in their relationship. And one (man or woman) can only take so much - perhaps that moment in the car was the proverbial straw.

[Anonymous]

So many people assuming she’s the only problem here. Such a bizarre thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people assuming she’s the only problem here. Such a bizarre thread.

Agree. While I see his point, I see hers too. I hate holding up lines and she was just trying to be nice to those behind her. She was tired too. He could have let go of the fries and moved on.

[Anonymous]

Op, calling the spouse “deranged”
(In front of the kids
For wanting to wait for McD fries)
is the the first to go nuclear in this scenario.

I thought she was calling him deranged for his anger, rather than wanting the fries.

This is one of those scenarios where i expect both people come off poory and are reactive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people assuming she’s the only problem here. Such a bizarre thread.

Because she started it over something really really small and silly. Without her initial blow up the rest would not have happened and I wonder if that critical attitude is how she always is with the husband hence the rest of the arguments she says they have had.

The husband didn't end it well but he ended like I would expect of someone being constantly criticised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a car with at least 3 people in it. She says that ONE of their fry orders were missing, which means that other fry orders were in the bag. Seems that she was suggesting that they just split the orders of fries among themselves. So, you get a few fries less, but that doesn't mean you're missing out entirely on the fries you were craving. This wasn't a situation where he'd get no fries. For all we know, she'd be the one to get zero fries. Drop the pity for the poor husband with no fries since he was going to get some no matter what.

Really you think people pay for things and then leave without getting the item they paid for. I know we both check before we drive off to make sure it's all there.

I get the feeling with some posters if if had of being the woman wanting to wait for the fries it would not have been a problem and the man getting angry for having to wait would be called abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who has anxiety at the McD drive thru? That is irrational.

If husband if dealing with escalating anger issues from his wife based upon
irrational things he may have hit his limit.

My ex husband flew off the handle at really irrational things.
It is tough to be the spouse in those situations.

Exactly if OP is getting anxiety going through a McDonalds drive thru then she needs meds because I'm not sure how someone lives day to day with that level of anxiety.

I think she got frustrated with him because she was in a mood and she lashed out. It's irrational but it's on the op to fix her emotional problems whatever they may be.

It's not on the husband to take whatever she dishes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people assuming she’s the only problem here. Such a bizarre thread.

DCUM's favorite past time is finding ways to make sure they don't have to have a shred of empathy for an OP.

[Anonymous]

OP is a controlling bitch and it's about to make her a single mom.

How you like them apples?

[Anonymous]

9 pages and OP has not returned.

[Anonymous]

Y'all are way too focused on the fries here. I imagine (but can only imagine in the absence of op) that the husband's anger is a big problem. Both are probably complicit in building up resentment.

Op, it's not impossible to move beyond very hurtful comments and a pattern of frequent fighting and negativity. But it does take work and desire to make it work from both parties. I wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a controlling bitch and it's about to make her a single mom.

How you like them apples?

Please don't insult us like that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you both may need some help. Maybe it had already been a long and tedious day. I don’t know all of the circumstances but I think this may be just a symptom and not the real problem. Please realize that a family is a precious blessing!!!! Keeping it intact and loving is a real challenge. Sometimes you just need a break or a fresh perspective. I suggest you call this number-855 382 5433- and ask them to help you find a counselor that can maybe just listen, give you a fresh perspective or just help you to regroup. I am praying for you and your family. PS if you can’t do this for yourself, please do this for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I doubt the OP is still reading these (pretty rough) replies, but I wanted to offer a suggestion. I was in a relationship that involved pretty awful fights (usually one big one every couple months that resulted in couch sleeping and threats of divorce), and a lot of verbal abuse. We tried couples counseling and it didn't really work (actually made things worse, as we ended up rehashing arguments in front of the therapist and he just sort of sat there). Anyway, I found a great book called Love without Hurt about verbal and emotional abuse that saved our marriage. The author also does monthly marriage bootcamps (he's in the DC area). My husband went to it and it really changed everything for us. My husband ended up giving the book to his parents (where this whole cycle began) and it helped them a lot too.