Staying Together After Horrible Comments

[Anonymous]

"I can't tell you how depressing it is that my options are either lose my kids for half their childhood, or stay married to you."

My husband said this to me after a fight Friday night. I'm so tired of the battle. I just want to let it all go.

[Anonymous]

Put it back on him: “Sounds like you’re in a tough spot. What are you going to do about it?”

[Anonymous]

Guess you should reflect on your behaviour towards him and decide whether he has a point. If yes, see a counsellor together. If not, get divorced ASAP.

[Anonymous]

How do you feel about being married to him?

[Anonymous]

Always two sides. What did you say to him?????

[Anonymous]

OP here. It was a ridiculous tiff but one of 10 in the last month.

We were leaving our son's late baseball game Friday and stopped at McDs drive through. There were a bunch of his team mates families in line behind us. The person at the drive through window forgot to include one order of fries we'd paid for. Husband insisted on staying put until we got what we paid for. I was embarrassed that we were holding up the line and just wanted to drive off. He got angry and I told him he was acting "deranged" about some fries. He said I was ridiculous and it spiraled into a fight that lasted the drive home.

I slept on the couch and this was his comment the next day.

[Anonymous]

In that argument, you were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Team dh on this one. His was a pretty reasonable position. Why did you push so hard on this?

[Anonymous]

I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

[Anonymous]

McDonalds only takes a few seconds to add fries to an order. He was right. But that doesn’t matter. It sounds like you guys are at the breaking point, probably both snapping at each other over minor things constantly. I don’t think he said that because he feels it’s all “you”— it sounds more like he’s miserable with the dynamic between you. It sounds exhausting for you both. Counseling could really help.

[Anonymous]

Have you guys done marriage counseling? Individual therapy for you? That fight frankly sounds odd - most people would expect to get their full order and it’s hard to imagine arguing the other way. Are you especially sensitive about the opinions of others? What was driving that thought process?

[Anonymous]

What have you both tried to improve the situation? Have you done counseling? Sometimes two people can just get into a bad reactive cycle, and it can get better if you are both willing to do the work. If you also feeling done, it is possible to have an amicable divorce, live close, both see your kids most days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP on the original issue. Since there was a long line, it doesn't make sense to hold everyone up over a single order of fries.

But I would also say name-calling and cruel comments (both sides) are not okay.

Um, the fries are the best part! Very few people would just drive off knowingly not having their whole order. Besides, at McD’s if it will take a while, they direct you to one of the parking spots and bring it out to you. It’s not like they were going to hold up the line for 10 minutes or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:McDonalds only takes a few seconds to add fries to an order. He was right. But that doesn’t matter. It sounds like you guys are at the breaking point, probably both snapping at each other over minor things constantly. I don’t think he said that because he feels it’s all “you”— it sounds more like he’s miserable with the dynamic between you. It sounds exhausting for you both. Counseling could really help.

That comment isn't because of one missed order of fries. What is really going on?

[Anonymous]

You called your husband deranged because he was expecting to get what he paid for?

I can only imagine how miserable it must be being married to you.