Staying Together After Horrible Comments

[Anonymous]

Have any of you ever been to or worked at McDonald?
It takes seconds to grab missing fries. Or if they’re out of fries and making the next batch, the next cars would need to wait an extra minute anyway.
And what’s McDonalds without hot fries?!
Now who’s the deranged one?

[Anonymous]

So the opinion of other people is more important than you DH? So your response to this fear that other people might be judging or upset at you is to call your DH a derogatory name?

You need to be in therapy to figure out why other people are more important that you spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the opinion of other people is more important than you DH? So your response to this fear that other people might be judging or upset at you is to call your DH a derogatory name?

You need to be in therapy to figure out why other people are more important that you spouse.

Nailed it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the opinion of other people is more important than you DH? So your response to this fear that other people might be judging or upset at you is to call your DH a derogatory name?

You need to be in therapy to figure out why other people are more important that you spouse.

Nailed it

Yup. OP this is on you.

[Anonymous]

You were way too worried about the line behind you. Seems reasonable to infer that is the case with a lot of things regarding what others think of you and your family, which manifests itself in ways that would bother a spouse.

[Anonymous]

As others have said- your husband's comment probably comes from the fact that he sees that you don't value him. That is a depressing realization after you've promised your life to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:McDonalds only takes a few seconds to add fries to an order. He was right. But that doesn’t matter. It sounds like you guys are at the breaking point, probably both snapping at each other over minor things constantly. I don’t think he said that because he feels it’s all “you”— it sounds more like he’s miserable with the dynamic between you. It sounds exhausting for you both. Counseling could really help.

And since OP is also clearly miserable. . . . best response so far IMO.

[Anonymous]

God. I think the exact same thought about my husband muitiple times a day every day.

OP, you are making your DH miserable. Calling him deranged because he wanted to wait to get what he paid for??? Why do you value him less than random people behind you? Why do you think it’s okay to say derogatory things to him in front of your kid?

[Anonymous]

And all this was done in front of your DS!? WTF is wrong with you two?!

Both of you need to get your asses to counseling. With luck, you'll work through your serious communication and respect issues but you both damn well better learn how not to make your kids feel like shit while engaging in petty, yet damaging, interactions. How the f*ck do you think your DS feels about this? McDonald's was supposed to be a treat after a ball game and you two totally ruined. Bet he never wants to do THAT again. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Counseling can help you. Please do this for your kid. Both of you.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the other posters.

My guess is that your husband has a temper and has no sense of when it's appropriate to let something go.

I agree with you. I suspect there was some issue that was holding up the fries, and your husband, instead of just dropping it, chose to argue with the person in the drivethrough and make a scene and hold up the line.

You understand that you have to deal with the other people (the teammates in the cars waiting in the line) in the future, and it's better just to let the fries go and not make a scene.

Other PPs don't understand what it is like to be with someone who NEVER lets anything go, who is always the one making a scene. I suspect the "deranged" comment is because his behavior was disproportionate to the situation (as in, not getting your fries really doesn't merit throwing a fit and making a scene).

Don't do counseling. Make a plan to leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team dh on this one. His was a pretty reasonable position. Why did you push so hard on this?

+1. You're ridiculous, OP. Who cares if you know the people behind you at the drive-thru? What, people you don't know matter less and deserve to wait?

Plus, no one (stranger or teammate) is going to blame you for waits at a drive-thru. They're going to blame the incompetent McDonald's employees.

Sounds like you have untreated anxiety, or are just one of those damn annoying people who deeply cares what other people think every second of every day. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the other posters.

My guess is that your husband has a temper and has no sense of when it's appropriate to let something go.

I agree with you. I suspect there was some issue that was holding up the fries, and your husband, instead of just dropping it, chose to argue with the person in the drivethrough and make a scene and hold up the line.

You understand that you have to deal with the other people (the teammates in the cars waiting in the line) in the future, and it's better just to let the fries go and not make a scene.

Other PPs don't understand what it is like to be with someone who NEVER lets anything go, who is always the one making a scene. I suspect the "deranged" comment is because his behavior was disproportionate to the situation (as in, not getting your fries really doesn't merit throwing a fit and making a scene).

Don't do counseling. Make a plan to leave him.

There are kids involved. Why are you suggesting she walk away without trying any sort of counseling or intervention, especially when she acknowledges she contributed to the name calling in this argument and needs to make some changes too? She is going to have to look her kids in the eye and tell them, in the event of the divorce, that they tried everything they could to make it work. So they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the opinion of other people is more important than you DH? So your response to this fear that other people might be judging or upset at you is to call your DH a derogatory name?

You need to be in therapy to figure out why other people are more important that you spouse.

Nailed it

This. 1000%

[Anonymous]

Here’s how you stay together: you say, “I’ve thought about our McDonalds fight and I realize I was totally in the wrong. It was way out of line for me to call you deranged. And I guess this must be a pattern of me being unreasonable and abusive that I never noticed. I’m sorry I am making you feel trapped in misery. I don’t want you to be miserable. I’m goi g to find a therapist and seriously work on my shit. When you’re up for dinner t and see a change in my behavior, maybe you would be willing to go to marriage counseling w Th me?”