In an affair, who "wins"? The wife or the mistress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend wins. Most of the “other women” I’ve known like the freedom while being the one he treats as special. The mistress isn’t being cheated on - the wife is. The husband never broke his vows to his mistress - he broke them to his wife. The wife still has to watch him clip his toenails, stink up the bathroom, watch him watch TV, etc. The girlfriend gets dinners out and an attentive lover.

The girlfriend is wasting her life in a dead end relationship instead of finding someone to love her full time.

Not PP but I would rather be the girlfriend than the wife in this situation.

But affairs are never that glamorous in real life. Only for the top execs. Most men are not taking the women out in public, no dinner, no overnights because they will get caught. And, they aren't purchasing expensive gifts, or much of anything because their spouses would notice.

The real deal is what is talked about on reddit and medium---a bunch of losers meeting up in the back of cars or cheap hotels or the woman's house when the husband is at work.

I know people in affairs who never even at out at dinner any night, ever. They were afraid to be seen getting coffee or lunch together.

A lot of women have a gold-digging, sugar baby high flier fantasy that is so far removed with how mundane and pathetic cheating is in the DMV.

Speaks volumes about the quality of the region’s marriages.

You think this is confined to a region? This happens all over. Ever heard of 'Jerry Springer'--it's in low income, high income, cities and rural areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this.

Keep telling yourself that. People talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

The truth is nobody cares. They’re too focused on their own lives.

[Anonymous]

I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won


And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.


No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this

Not true at all. Everyone I know would think both adults are gross, would not trust either one and people would definitely gossip about it - even though they might be polite to the adults in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won


And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.


No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this

Not true at all. Everyone I know would think both adults are gross, would not trust either one and people would definitely gossip about it - even though they might be polite to the adults in person.

+1. Everyone is polite to your face, but when someone new moves to the neighborhood, one of the first things the neighbors will share about you is the cheap affair that led your current marriage.

But don’t worry, when you eventually divorce again and move away, people will forget about you.

[Anonymous]

I am a wife and have never been a mistress but in my younger days I did have a few female friends who dated married men. One of them wanted the MM to leave his wife for her. It DID come off as a competition to me. She seemed to want to "win" and it seemed to be a "pick me" thing more than it was about the actual guy. Several of us were blunt with her and said things to the effect of "you'd be winning someone willing to cheat on the person he'd made a commitment to." Nothing we said mattered, she was in deep. He strung her along for months, his wife found out, he never left his wife and my friend was crushed. I don't understand the competition aspect but I can tell you that it exists and from what I saw, NO ONE wins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The intentional use of “bastard children” is to paraphrase the PPs attitude. I know many SMBC, and none of them is having an illegitimate child from an affair and passing it off as “SMBC.” That you make this assumption is really appalling and hideous. They are totally upstanding and moral women and probably better people than you.

Why on earth would this be different than a woman who gets pregnant by her boyfriend who doesn’t want children and decides to keep the baby? That’s a SMBC too, as is someone who has IVF, as is someone who gets a donation from a friend. I don’t quiz my single mother friends about the origins of their children and I think it’s weird if you do.

You are not their friend, lady. I have three single mom not-by-divorce friends and know exactly where their children came from. One was donor egg+donor sperm, one was adopted, the third was own egg+donor sperm. I was there for the fertility treatments and the decisions. You are a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife and have never been a mistress but in my younger days I did have a few female friends who dated married men. One of them wanted the MM to leave his wife for her. It DID come off as a competition to me. She seemed to want to "win" and it seemed to be a "pick me" thing more than it was about the actual guy. Several of us were blunt with her and said things to the effect of "you'd be winning someone willing to cheat on the person he'd made a commitment to." Nothing we said mattered, she was in deep. He strung her along for months, his wife found out, he never left his wife and my friend was crushed. I don't understand the competition aspect but I can tell you that it exists and from what I saw, NO ONE wins!

And the absolute crazy thing about this (which is almost always universally the case)---the wife does NOT EVEN know she is in the competition! You have one woman doing absolutely everything with a leg up and all the info on the wife and the husband that is positioning herself in the best possible light 24/7 when she is with him---and even then...

it's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife and have never been a mistress but in my younger days I did have a few female friends who dated married men. One of them wanted the MM to leave his wife for her. It DID come off as a competition to me. She seemed to want to "win" and it seemed to be a "pick me" thing more than it was about the actual guy. Several of us were blunt with her and said things to the effect of "you'd be winning someone willing to cheat on the person he'd made a commitment to." Nothing we said mattered, she was in deep. He strung her along for months, his wife found out, he never left his wife and my friend was crushed. I don't understand the competition aspect but I can tell you that it exists and from what I saw, NO ONE wins!

And the absolute crazy thing about this (which is almost always universally the case)---the wife does NOT EVEN know she is in the competition! You have one woman doing absolutely everything with a leg up and all the info on the wife and the husband that is positioning herself in the best possible light 24/7 when she is with him---and even then...

it's pathetic.

Yes! The mistress is all about sex and ego boosting. She doesn't have to deal with bills and chores and kids. I'm amazed that anyone thinks a cheating husband is a prize to be won!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a wife and have never been a mistress but in my younger days I did have a few female friends who dated married men. One of them wanted the MM to leave his wife for her. It DID come off as a competition to me. She seemed to want to "win" and it seemed to be a "pick me" thing more than it was about the actual guy. Several of us were blunt with her and said things to the effect of "you'd be winning someone willing to cheat on the person he'd made a commitment to." Nothing we said mattered, she was in deep. He strung her along for months, his wife found out, he never left his wife and my friend was crushed. I don't understand the competition aspect but I can tell you that it exists and from what I saw, NO ONE wins!

And the absolute crazy thing about this (which is almost always universally the case)---the wife does NOT EVEN know she is in the competition! You have one woman doing absolutely everything with a leg up and all the info on the wife and the husband that is positioning herself in the best possible light 24/7 when she is with him---and even then...

it's pathetic.

Yes! The mistress is all about sex and ego boosting. She doesn't have to deal with bills and chores and kids. I'm amazed that anyone thinks a cheating husband is a prize to be won!

It's pathetic when they spend 100% of their time being the best at every position, give him anything he wants, be dressed to the nines any time they see him...and they can't seal the deal competing against a woman that is real and doesn't even turn it on or have time to bring her best look, energy 24/7. That should hit the ow self-esteem real good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this.

Keep telling yourself that. People talk.

Cat ladies talk. But who cares what cat ladies talk about.

[Anonymous]

Well, cheaters and home-wreckers deserve each other. No moral and just man or woman would have an affair while in a moral, legal and social contract. No other person with morals and self respect would have an affair with that person. Its not only about marriage but kind of person these people are. If they don’t have personal and moral standards, they can’t be good partners to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this.

Keep telling yourself that. People talk.

Cat ladies talk. But who cares what cat ladies talk about.

Yup, people whose loose character has been exposed and who fell in eyes of their spouses, children and others in their circle are used to it. They’ll shamefully justify their behavior.