In an affair, who "wins"? The wife or the mistress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

Most men aren’t taking her out in public. And over half are screwing married women. So they are doing it during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

Most men aren’t taking her out in public. And over half are screwing married women. So they are doing it during the day.

We would be gossiping about our skank friend dating a married man and how she couldn’t get a single guy. She would not be admired or idolized. Quite the contrary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

I guess karma did it’s work.

[Anonymous]

The intentional use of “bastard children” is to paraphrase the PPs attitude. I know many SMBC, and none of them is having an illegitimate child from an affair and passing it off as “SMBC.” That you make this assumption is really appalling and hideous. They are totally upstanding and moral women and probably better people than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The intentional use of “bastard children” is to paraphrase the PPs attitude. I know many SMBC, and none of them is having an illegitimate child from an affair and passing it off as “SMBC.” That you make this assumption is really appalling and hideous. They are totally upstanding and moral women and probably better people than you.

Why on earth would this be different than a woman who gets pregnant by her boyfriend who doesn’t want children and decides to keep the baby? That’s a SMBC too, as is someone who has IVF, as is someone who gets a donation from a friend. I don’t quiz my single mother friends about the origins of their children and I think it’s weird if you do.

[Anonymous]

No one wins, not even the husband. Been there…

[Anonymous]

No one.

In fact everyone loses - especially the women involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DH wins.

Why?

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the situation.

The winner is the one who doesn't care anymore first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

As the girlfriend he cheated on you as he was married with a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one wins. The wife is humiliated, the mistress has low self-esteem and low morals, and the husband is a POS. The mistress and husband are actively bad people and the wife is a victim.

Yup. Everyone including kids lost. Its a loose loose situation for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The intentional use of “bastard children” is to paraphrase the PPs attitude. I know many SMBC, and none of them is having an illegitimate child from an affair and passing it off as “SMBC.” That you make this assumption is really appalling and hideous. They are totally upstanding and moral women and probably better people than you.

Why on earth would this be different than a woman who gets pregnant by her boyfriend who doesn’t want children and decides to keep the baby? That’s a SMBC too, as is someone who has IVF, as is someone who gets a donation from a friend. I don’t quiz my single mother friends about the origins of their children and I think it’s weird if you do.

Why assume anything other than a choice to become a parent openly and honestly instead of assuming their children originated in secrecy, deceit and scandal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend wins. Most of the “other women” I’ve known like the freedom while being the one he treats as special. The mistress isn’t being cheated on - the wife is. The husband never broke his vows to his mistress - he broke them to his wife. The wife still has to watch him clip his toenails, stink up the bathroom, watch him watch TV, etc. The girlfriend gets dinners out and an attentive lover.

The girlfriend is wasting her life in a dead end relationship instead of finding someone to love her full time.

Not PP but I would rather be the girlfriend than the wife in this situation.

But affairs are never that glamorous in real life. Only for the top execs. Most men are not taking the women out in public, no dinner, no overnights because they will get caught. And, they aren't purchasing expensive gifts, or much of anything because their spouses would notice.

The real deal is what is talked about on reddit and medium---a bunch of losers meeting up in the back of cars or cheap hotels or the woman's house when the husband is at work.

I know people in affairs who never even at out at dinner any night, ever. They were afraid to be seen getting coffee or lunch together.

A lot of women have a gold-digging, sugar baby high flier fantasy that is so far removed with how mundane and pathetic cheating is in the DMV.

Speaks volumes about the quality of the region’s marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

And the girlfriend gets to know, deep down, that her only real value is in being a hole for someone to stick it in.

[Anonymous]

I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won