In an affair, who "wins"? The wife or the mistress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, cheaters and home-wreckers deserve each other. No moral and just man or woman would have an affair while in a moral, legal and social contract. No other person with morals and self respect would have an affair with that person. Its not only about marriage but kind of person these people are. If they don’t have personal and moral standards, they can’t be good partners to anyone.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Such a weird idea, the idea that somebody who "gets" a sleezy broken man is the winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird idea, the idea that somebody who "gets" a sleezy broken man is the winner.

(Or woman, I just said man because that's what the title referenced)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend wins. Most of the “other women” I’ve known like the freedom while being the one he treats as special. The mistress isn’t being cheated on - the wife is. The husband never broke his vows to his mistress - he broke them to his wife. The wife still has to watch him clip his toenails, stink up the bathroom, watch him watch TV, etc. The girlfriend gets dinners out and an attentive lover.

The girlfriend is wasting her life in a dead end relationship instead of finding someone to love her full time.

Not PP but I would rather be the girlfriend than the wife in this situation.

But affairs are never that glamorous in real life. Only for the top execs. Most men are not taking the women out in public, no dinner, no overnights because they will get caught. And, they aren't purchasing expensive gifts, or much of anything because their spouses would notice.

The real deal is what is talked about on reddit and medium---a bunch of losers meeting up in the back of cars or cheap hotels or the woman's house when the husband is at work.

I know people in affairs who never even at out at dinner any night, ever. They were afraid to be seen getting coffee or lunch together.

A lot of women have a gold-digging, sugar baby high flier fantasy that is so far removed with how mundane and pathetic cheating is in the DMV.

See, maybe this is why your husband cheated on you. Anyone with a sex drive could see the fun of daily backseat romps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend wins. Most of the “other women” I’ve known like the freedom while being the one he treats as special. The mistress isn’t being cheated on - the wife is. The husband never broke his vows to his mistress - he broke them to his wife. The wife still has to watch him clip his toenails, stink up the bathroom, watch him watch TV, etc. The girlfriend gets dinners out and an attentive lover.

Aahhh outdated in today’s world.

In the DMV it’s online married people hooking up. Middle of the day, leave no trace. No fancy hotels, vacations or dinners.

It’s the wife going on the vacations to Europe, the Michelin star restaurants and date nights, and the thoughtful gifts. My ex planned massive surprise parties and dinners for me while his married AP got 40 min in the Marriott during the day once or twice a month and an unsigned card or bottle of wine.

But, you are correct about seeing the grooming as every day things. But she never woke up next to him.

They both lost as both spouses dumped them.

Would you please stop imagining all affairs like your husband's? I saw my AP every day, spent more time talking to her than anyone else in my life by a mile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend wins. Most of the “other women” I’ve known like the freedom while being the one he treats as special. The mistress isn’t being cheated on - the wife is. The husband never broke his vows to his mistress - he broke them to his wife. The wife still has to watch him clip his toenails, stink up the bathroom, watch him watch TV, etc. The girlfriend gets dinners out and an attentive lover.

The girlfriend is wasting her life in a dead end relationship instead of finding someone to love her full time.

Not PP but I would rather be the girlfriend than the wife in this situation.

But affairs are never that glamorous in real life. Only for the top execs. Most men are not taking the women out in public, no dinner, no overnights because they will get caught. And, they aren't purchasing expensive gifts, or much of anything because their spouses would notice.

The real deal is what is talked about on reddit and medium---a bunch of losers meeting up in the back of cars or cheap hotels or the woman's house when the husband is at work.

I know people in affairs who never even at out at dinner any night, ever. They were afraid to be seen getting coffee or lunch together.

A lot of women have a gold-digging, sugar baby high flier fantasy that is so far removed with how mundane and pathetic cheating is in the DMV.

See, maybe this is why your husband cheated on you. Anyone with a sex drive could see the fun of daily backseat romps.

😳

I have got to get off this website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girlfriend wins. Most of the “other women” I’ve known like the freedom while being the one he treats as special. The mistress isn’t being cheated on - the wife is. The husband never broke his vows to his mistress - he broke them to his wife. The wife still has to watch him clip his toenails, stink up the bathroom, watch him watch TV, etc. The girlfriend gets dinners out and an attentive lover.

Aahhh outdated in today’s world.

In the DMV it’s online married people hooking up. Middle of the day, leave no trace. No fancy hotels, vacations or dinners.

It’s the wife going on the vacations to Europe, the Michelin star restaurants and date nights, and the thoughtful gifts. My ex planned massive surprise parties and dinners for me while his married AP got 40 min in the Marriott during the day once or twice a month and an unsigned card or bottle of wine.

But, you are correct about seeing the grooming as every day things. But she never woke up next to him.

They both lost as both spouses dumped them.

Would you please stop imagining all affairs like your husband's? I saw my AP every day, spent more time talking to her than anyone else in my life by a mile.

And yet you kept your wife and felt no problem with this setup? This is what I don't get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one wins. The wife is humiliated, the mistress has low self-esteem and low morals, and the husband is a POS. The mistress and husband are actively bad people and the wife is a victim.

Yup. Everyone including kids lost. Its a loose loose situation for everyone involved.

It's loose alright!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wife

Why?

Alimony the house the kids and the mistress gets the leftovers, if any + the stress the exDH complains about and the resentment
Biggest Loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

As the girlfriend he cheated on you as he was married with a wife.

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but I was the OW and didn't feel cheated on at all that he was still having sex with his wife. I knew all about her looseness and stinkiness, and I had to keep up appearances with my H just like he did with his W. Shrug. No reason to feel jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won

And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.

No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this.

Keep telling yourself that. People talk.

Cat ladies talk. But who cares what cat ladies talk about.

Yup, people whose loose character has been exposed and who fell in eyes of their spouses, children and others in their circle are used to it. They’ll shamefully justify their behavior.

Lol, first of all, I was the original poster of this story and I have not replied at all until now. Second of all, I have absolutely not a single care about what people think or say. I'm a man, not a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

As the girlfriend he cheated on you as he was married with a wife.

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but I was the OW and didn't feel cheated on at all that he was still having sex with his wife. I knew all about her looseness and stinkiness, and I had to keep up appearances with my H just like he did with his W. Shrug. No reason to feel jealous.

I don't even understand her idiocy. IS she just saying she was a married cheater or is she saying she cheated with a married man while single and is now a cheating wife.

No matter where those cookies crumble, it's clear she is a dishonest, lying whore which oddly she seems very proud to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been both the girlfriend and the wife. The girlfriend position is far, far better and not humiliating. The girlfriend (or at least in my case) never gets lied to. The girlfriend isn’t being cheated on.

Think about it: when the girl friend’s friends see her out on a romantic date with the married guy, they have nothing to gossip about. When the wife’s friends see the same situation, they do.

As the girlfriend he cheated on you as he was married with a wife.

I'm not the PP you're responding to, but I was the OW and didn't feel cheated on at all that he was still having sex with his wife. I knew all about her looseness and stinkiness, and I had to keep up appearances with my H just like he did with his W. Shrug. No reason to feel jealous.

I don't even understand her idiocy. IS she just saying she was a married cheater or is she saying she cheated with a married man while single and is now a cheating wife.

No matter where those cookies crumble, it's clear she is a dishonest, lying whore which oddly she seems very proud to be.

So she is a wife whose husband now complains to his AP about her? I have no idea. She sounds like she is trying to say she's been on both sides--but really it sounds like she was the cheater in both instances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird idea, the idea that somebody who "gets" a sleezy broken man is the winner.

(Or woman, I just said man because that's what the title referenced)

They don't. One of them (or both) ends up cheating again down the road and they never trust each other...because would you trust a woman who was banging you while her husband was at work. I think he'd be wondering all the time if she were doing it to him too....and vice versa. This is why they never end up in marriages (though you'll get the anecdotal pps coming on to say how they achieved ever-lasting love with their cheat partners)...everything ever written, surveyed and studied on the subject gives it about a 2% of going to long-term/marriage with an increased 65% of divorce for this subsequent marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I divorced my wife, married my AP, and we are now raising my kids while my ex-wife is going on about her (preferred) abstinent life. So I'd say everyone pretty much won


And everyone around you knows your new wife is kind of a cheap whore. They’re just too polite to say it to your face.


No one cares- at all. Or even thinks about this

Not true at all. Everyone I know would think both adults are gross, would not trust either one and people would definitely gossip about it - even though they might be polite to the adults in person.

Not the PP but nope. Most people do not care.

In the few cases I can think of where someone we know has married their AP, the new couple is warmly welcomed to social events and the XW has gone off the deep end with crazed bitterness. I will admit that in one case the AP was quite young and that raised some eyebrows, but now that we've gotten to know her she's actually lovely.