Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what works for you. The benefits of breastfeeding are widely overstated. You can’t tell which kid was breastfeed or formula fed once they get older. I’ve know breastfed kids who were always sick compared to their formula fed siblings even though breastmilk is suppose to give the baby antibodies. Don’t feel ashamed or guilty. People put so much pressure on breast milk or formula but don’t realize that the first year is so insignificant I’m comparison to the rest of your sons life. It won’t matter a year from now how you fed him.

I agree with this. There’s nothing wrong with people asking if you’re breastfeeding (it’s mixed up in all the other subjects of conversation about new parenting for lots of folks) but anyone who responds to “we’re formula feeding” with anything other than a conversational pivot to how THAT’s going is a jerk. Your ped will probably ask several times because they didn’t read your chart properly and as this thread demonstrates there’s a ton of weird pro breastfeeding propaganda cloaked as medical expertise unfortunately. I think the poster who sent their husband to appointments may have been onto something.

Congratulations on your baby, OP. You’re doing great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

NP
How is that out of bounds? The OP Is actually being considerate by getting presents for the mom and not just the baby.

You all sound like socially awkward weirdos. For example, why would I sent someone oatmeal raisin cookies or breast thistle milk if they're not breastfeeding?

Ew. I am so glad I don't have friends like you. I BFed my twins but I don't need your lactation cookies as a gift. You are nuts and have no boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

[Anonymous]

I find this line of questioning and badgering really insensitive.
People have a variety of reasons not to BF and one of them is being a survivor of assault or sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

NP
How is that out of bounds? The OP Is actually being considerate by getting presents for the mom and not just the baby.

You all sound like socially awkward weirdos. For example, why would I sent someone oatmeal raisin cookies or breast thistle milk if they're not breastfeeding?

Ew. I am so glad I don't have friends like you. I BFed my twins but I don't need your lactation cookies as a gift. You are nuts and have no boundaries.

NP. Seriously, that is boundary transgressive and creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

You are one of those people who want a village but only on your terms. I clearly said if its a woman I am close to I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs I might ask HIM if he knows. Believe it or not, most people are not weird about whether mom had a csection or not- have you seen the pictures of women in the operating room. Guess what- they post them!
I send gifts for mom because she is important. I traditionally send gift for a baby during a baby shower.

Sending nursing related gifts to someone struggling with nursing would be rude. I dont send specific gifts unless I know they are breastfeeding but I always drop off snacks and TLC products. The extra caddy is because a lot of moms dont anticipate a c-section and you arent supposed to navigate stairs frequently. Its got a gift receipt. No one told me about how it would hurt to cough or laugh and so I think that is a helpful gift. If you only want help for what you know already then I expect YOU to take care of it. I dont except to read your mind about what you need. and apparently I am not allowed to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

You are one of those people who want a village but only on your terms. I clearly said if its a woman I am close to I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs I might ask HIM if he knows. Believe it or not, most people are not weird about whether mom had a csection or not- have you seen the pictures of women in the operating room. Guess what- they post them!
I send gifts for mom because she is important. I traditionally send gift for a baby during a baby shower.

Sending nursing related gifts to someone struggling with nursing would be rude. I dont send specific gifts unless I know they are breastfeeding but I always drop off snacks and TLC products. The extra caddy is because a lot of moms dont anticipate a c-section and you arent supposed to navigate stairs frequently. Its got a gift receipt. No one told me about how it would hurt to cough or laugh and so I think that is a helpful gift. If you only want help for what you know already then I expect YOU to take care of it. I dont except to read your mind about what you need. and apparently I am not allowed to ask.

Off topic: but I breastfed and a mom from one of my support groups (so not someone I knew super well) whose child was a few months older than mine brought me some the (excellent) lactation cookies she’d learned to make for her wife. I was so grateful! It doesn’t have to be weird and intrusive people.

Anyway, OP, I’m sorry people are being obnoxious about your choices. As others have said at least this passes passes quickly — no one I know asks about breastfeeding after the first several months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

You are one of those people who want a village but only on your terms. I clearly said if its a woman I am close to I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs I might ask HIM if he knows. Believe it or not, most people are not weird about whether mom had a csection or not- have you seen the pictures of women in the operating room. Guess what- they post them!
I send gifts for mom because she is important. I traditionally send gift for a baby during a baby shower.

Sending nursing related gifts to someone struggling with nursing would be rude. I dont send specific gifts unless I know they are breastfeeding but I always drop off snacks and TLC products. The extra caddy is because a lot of moms dont anticipate a c-section and you arent supposed to navigate stairs frequently. Its got a gift receipt. No one told me about how it would hurt to cough or laugh and so I think that is a helpful gift. If you only want help for what you know already then I expect YOU to take care of it. I dont except to read your mind about what you need. and apparently I am not allowed to ask.

Off topic: but I breastfed and a mom from one of my support groups (so not someone I knew super well) whose child was a few months older than mine brought me some the (excellent) lactation cookies she’d learned to make for her wife. I was so grateful! It doesn’t have to be weird and intrusive people.

Anyway, OP, I’m sorry people are being obnoxious about your choices. As others have said at least this passes passes quickly — no one I know asks about breastfeeding after the first several months.

Yep, my kids are 10 and 13 and I can't remember the last time I was asked if I breastfed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

Wonderful use of the strawman argument! 10/10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP here. This has nothing to do with it being sexual. I said I have sensitive nipples that get chaffed easily and feel bruised and that if it hurts after normal daily activities or sexual pleasure, it will definitely hurt much worse when breastfeeding a baby who eats every 2-3 hours for at least the first 4 months. I chose not to breastfeed because I know it will painful on top of my issues with sensitive nipples. I did hand express to give him colostrum which is the most important thing he gets. It’s better that I’m a happy and my baby has a mom who doesn’t dread feeding him or being in pain 24/7. My husband can feed during the night so I’m more well rested and have the energy to take care of my baby. He is happy and healthy and growing on formula. The studies I’ve read and some doctors I talked to say breast milk benefits are overstated and it’s had minimal benefits. I’m happy with my decision not to breastfeed because that means a happy mom for my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

I find it so selfish that someone would choose their sex life over feeding their baby. You can put nipple licking/sucking on hold for a few months op (or hey, I’ve heard some men love breast milk). Try something new. There’s a big wide open world of sex play out there that you have yet to explore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP never said this and actually said the exact opposite in a prior post. I guess it’s much easier to make an argument on lies to further push your narrative.

I breastfed two kids and guess what? Both were often sick and no amount of breast milk helped. I have close friends who breastfed and their kids were always sick. Two of the formula fed kids surprisingly were the least ones to be sick and they were far more advanced than their breastfed siblings. It may be coincidence but breast milk has really no benefit and is filled with toxins and carcinogens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

I find it so selfish that someone would choose their sex life over feeding their baby. You can put nipple licking/sucking on hold for a few months op (or hey, I’ve heard some men love breast milk). Try something new. There’s a big wide open world of sex play out there that you have yet to explore.

OP here. You took a small piece of what I said and trying to twist it. I said breast play is a huge part of intimacy that has lead to issues and I know beats feeding will be much worse. I didn’t say I didn’t want to breastfeed for intimacy purposes or that I valued it more. I was making a comparison that if my nipples are already sensitive and bruised after intimacy, it will be much worse breastfeeding a baby every 2-3 hours or more for at least 4 months. It has nothing about intimacy.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you care so much how a stranger feeds their baby? You sound a little weird and crazy.