Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

Do you also check in on the status of a new mother's perineum?

NP--I send new moms perineum cream. An always appreciated gift

[Anonymous]

OP send your husband to the Dr appts! I did a combo BF and formula but just didn't want all the pressure and BS from the pediatrician and LCs after having issues and PPD with my first.

Covid was a great excuse (only one parent could go) and I was recovering from my C-section.yadda yadda. They actually asked him to send me for the next appt and he said No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are two wildly different things:

1) Family/friends - that is not appropriate, tell them to back off. Seriously. Start responding to "why aren't you breastfeeding? You should breastfeed!" with "I didn't ask and I'm really tired of people saying, that it's rude." And feel free to escalate to "F off." Unsolicited parenting advice is the pits.

2) Pediatrician - I'm fed is best, but yes, there are some small health benefits to breastfeeding for babies, and those small benefits might be a bit larger right now with covid, so this falls under the pediatricians area of concern and interest. This is your decision, and your pediatrician should support you in what you choose, BUT it's also their job to discuss this with you. Them "probing for why you're not" is their job - to discuss your baby's health and things that may affect it.

Doctors can give advice when asked. Otherwise, it is none of his business what a patient chooses. Doctors are not supposed to judge a patient's decision. I am sick of the "I am doctor and, therefore, am infallible and you do as I say.". Horse hockey! OP, you do what is best for you and tell the rest to mind their own business.

You sound like you have a lot of pent up issues.

[Anonymous]

Your choice. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

NP
How is that out of bounds? The OP Is actually being considerate by getting presents for the mom and not just the baby.

You all sound like socially awkward weirdos. For example, why would I sent someone oatmeal raisin cookies or breast thistle milk if they're not breastfeeding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

Thanks for being Exhibit A of the kinds of judgmental Bs OP shouldn’t be having to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

WTF???

She has chosen to formula feed. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is so much easier. I would give it a try. I hated formula feeding because of having to make and warm the bottles and wash everything. Popping him on the breasts was so much easier.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

No need to be nasty about it.

DP here. Doesn't sound nasty to me. Sounds like an accurate summary of what OP said. Its only "nasty" if you view it from a defensive point of view.

No. Try “you have chosen to formula feed” instead of OMG EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRRRYYYYYYY!

Morons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

Talk about mixed messages. This is the subtle FU all new moms get from judgmental people.

No. It’s not a mixed message. It’s factual. Facts don’t change just because you don’t like them.

No. Not facts. Opinions.

[Anonymous]

I recently stumbled across a baby guide from the 1920s, which encourages breast feeding and giving detailed instructions for making your own formula if you in can't.

What I found very interesting was, according to this book, "15 years before" its publication the reader would be "hard-pressed" to find breastfeeding moms, but the practice was making a return and had all these benefits, etc.

Anecdotally I heard from a couple of women who are now on their 50s that they were DIScouraged from breastfeeding, even offering injections to stop the milk supply??

This is orthogonal to the question of which is better, but isn't it funny how there's nothing new under the sun?

[Anonymous]

I chose not the breast feed (yes, “didn’t even try”). The pediatrician asked, but I just ended every conversation. The good news is the inappropriate probing and questions do end as your baby gets older. So it sucks that people suck (as so many of the PPs have shown you), but it does end.

[Anonymous]

Do what works for you. The benefits of breastfeeding are widely overstated. You can’t tell which kid was breastfeed or formula fed once they get older. I’ve know breastfed kids who were always sick compared to their formula fed siblings even though breastmilk is suppose to give the baby antibodies. Don’t feel ashamed or guilty. People put so much pressure on breast milk or formula but don’t realize that the first year is so insignificant I’m comparison to the rest of your sons life. It won’t matter a year from now how you fed him.

[Anonymous]

I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.