Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

What is the difference? You are clearly just shaming the new mom who "refuses" to breastfeed? To what end? Formula is fine for the other kids and its just fine for the baby with the mom with working breasts who chooses differently. You are just being an a$$hole.

I was the PP, but not the first poster.

No i am SHAMING new moms, but i will ASK THEM if they are breastfeeding since its the natural processed that has allowed humans to be alive. Upon their response that they aren't, the conversation pivots to something new.

I was highlighting that you were throwing out "whataboutisms" to distract, as they are not comparable to a new mom as they physically do not have the option to breasfeed.

so many typos ... apologies

[Anonymous]

I think many know that breastfeeding can be hard (latch, tongue tie, supply, etc) so that’s why they’re offering suggestions and asking. I agree it’s a fair conversation topic but hopefully dies down for you since it’s clearly not something you want to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

Do you also check in on the status of a new mother's perineum?

NP--I send new moms perineum cream. An always appreciated gift

another np and YES i ask about their perineum! I always ask if my fried tore, and how they are feeling (physically) ... we talk about the joys of the fear around that first post partum poop!

I mention nipple shields and you call me crazy, this lady talks about tearing her perineum, but she's totally fine!!

Btw, I didn't write the other thing, so there are at least two crazy people on here, but perineum lady is normal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP here. This has nothing to do with it being sexual. I said I have sensitive nipples that get chaffed easily and feel bruised and that if it hurts after normal daily activities or sexual pleasure, it will definitely hurt much worse when breastfeeding a baby who eats every 2-3 hours for at least the first 4 months. I chose not to breastfeed because I know it will painful on top of my issues with sensitive nipples. I did hand express to give him colostrum which is the most important thing he gets. It’s better that I’m a happy and my baby has a mom who doesn’t dread feeding him or being in pain 24/7. My husband can feed during the night so I’m more well rested and have the energy to take care of my baby. He is happy and healthy and growing on formula. The studies I’ve read and some doctors I talked to say breast milk benefits are overstated and it’s had minimal benefits. I’m happy with my decision not to breastfeed because that means a happy mom for my son.

If you had talked to a lactation consultant about this, she would have told you about nipple shields, but since you didn’t care to ask, you don’t know that there are ways to breastfeed if you have sensitive nipples such that they won’t hurt after the fact. I used them because maniples were flat and my child couldn’t latch. But it’s probably too late and I suspect the pain issue isn’t the real reason you’re not doing this anyway so....

OP here. Again, why do you care how others feed their child? You sound like an obsessed weirdo who shames women who don’t breastfeed. Please get some help. You would be less crazy if you minded your own business.

Ooooo-kay, calm down. I wrote ONLY the bolded and not anything else. And I agree with all the people who think you are being way sensitive about this. Consider getting help yourself - postpartum anxiety is a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

Do you also check in on the status of a new mother's perineum?

NP--I send new moms perineum cream. An always appreciated gift

another np and YES i ask about their perineum! I always ask if my fried tore, and how they are feeling (physically) ... we talk about the joys of the fear around that first post partum poop!

I mention nipple shields and you call me crazy, this lady talks about tearing her perineum, but she's totally fine!!

Btw, I didn't write the other thing, so there are at least two crazy people on here, but perineum lady is normal!

Lol I would honestly prefer to talk about perineum and tearing than breast feeding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP here. This has nothing to do with it being sexual. I said I have sensitive nipples that get chaffed easily and feel bruised and that if it hurts after normal daily activities or sexual pleasure, it will definitely hurt much worse when breastfeeding a baby who eats every 2-3 hours for at least the first 4 months. I chose not to breastfeed because I know it will painful on top of my issues with sensitive nipples. I did hand express to give him colostrum which is the most important thing he gets. It’s better that I’m a happy and my baby has a mom who doesn’t dread feeding him or being in pain 24/7. My husband can feed during the night so I’m more well rested and have the energy to take care of my baby. He is happy and healthy and growing on formula. The studies I’ve read and some doctors I talked to say breast milk benefits are overstated and it’s had minimal benefits. I’m happy with my decision not to breastfeed because that means a happy mom for my son.

If you had talked to a lactation consultant about this, she would have told you about nipple shields, but since you didn’t care to ask, you don’t know that there are ways to breastfeed if you have sensitive nipples such that they won’t hurt after the fact. I used them because maniples were flat and my child couldn’t latch. But it’s probably too late and I suspect the pain issue isn’t the real reason you’re not doing this anyway so....

OP here. Again, why do you care how others feed their child? You sound like an obsessed weirdo who shames women who don’t breastfeed. Please get some help. You would be less crazy if you minded your own business.

Ooooo-kay, calm down. I wrote ONLY the bolded and not anything else. And I agree with all the people who think you are being way sensitive about this. Consider getting help yourself - postpartum anxiety is a real thing.

i am one of the perineum moms and I agree.

it's unclear if it's all been OP, or other mom's who are sensitive about their methods for feeding their child ... but the extreme reactions and argumentative defensive responses to people pointing out it's a reasonable think to ASSUME, leads me to think someone needs some PPA help (and I say that in the most non-snarky way that I can state it!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

What is the difference? You are clearly just shaming the new mom who "refuses" to breastfeed? To what end? Formula is fine for the other kids and its just fine for the baby with the mom with working breasts who chooses differently. You are just being an a$$hole.

I was the PP, but not the first poster.

No i am SHAMING new moms, but i will ASK THEM if they are breastfeeding since its the natural processed that has allowed humans to be alive. Upon their response that they aren't, the conversation pivots to something new.

I was highlighting that you were throwing out "whataboutisms" to distract, as they are not comparable to a new mom as they physically do not have the option to breasfeed.

so many typos ... apologies

It’s not the typos - your misogyny is showing…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

What is the difference? You are clearly just shaming the new mom who "refuses" to breastfeed? To what end? Formula is fine for the other kids and its just fine for the baby with the mom with working breasts who chooses differently. You are just being an a$$hole.

I was the PP, but not the first poster.

No i am SHAMING new moms, but i will ASK THEM if they are breastfeeding since its the natural processed that has allowed humans to be alive. Upon their response that they aren't, the conversation pivots to something new.

I was highlighting that you were throwing out "whataboutisms" to distract, as they are not comparable to a new mom as they physically do not have the option to breasfeed.

so many typos ... apologies

It’s not the typos - your misogyny is showing…

ok.

so somehow the fact that someone asks about new (biological) mothers and breastfeeding, someone throws out a whataboutism to distract attention to males and adoptive parents, and my response is that they are not new (biological) mothers therefore don't have the OPTION to breastfeeds making it a moot question .... is misogyny.

me thinks you need to buy a dictionary

[Anonymous]

OP I hear you. I breastfed my babies but also have flat and sensitive nipples and it was painful. I saw lactation consultants, doctors, etc and no one could help me. I eventually had to stop because I couldn't deal with the pain anymore.

[Anonymous]

Well I never attempted to breastfeed even if " the majority attempt to." Mind your own business.

My nips are my nips and it's no one else's business. Can't believe anyone would dare to talk about your breasts to you. "So, how's the old vaj vaj, Aunt Jessica? Getting any action? I mean, most people do. "

Pediatrician should have it written across the top of your chart: Formula-feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

What is the difference? You are clearly just shaming the new mom who "refuses" to breastfeed? To what end? Formula is fine for the other kids and its just fine for the baby with the mom with working breasts who chooses differently. You are just being an a$$hole.

I was the PP, but not the first poster.

No i am SHAMING new moms, but i will ASK THEM if they are breastfeeding since its the natural processed that has allowed humans to be alive. Upon their response that they aren't, the conversation pivots to something new.

I was highlighting that you were throwing out "whataboutisms" to distract, as they are not comparable to a new mom as they physically do not have the option to breasfeed.

so many typos ... apologies

It’s not the typos - your misogyny is showing…

ok.

so somehow the fact that someone asks about new (biological) mothers and breastfeeding, someone throws out a whataboutism to distract attention to males and adoptive parents, and my response is that they are not new (biological) mothers therefore don't have the OPTION to breastfeeds making it a moot question .... is misogyny.

me thinks you need to buy a dictionary

YES it is MISOGYNY: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

You ONLY hold contempt for women who can breastfeed if they choose not to -- not for others. Now, let's examine that. Either one of two things is true:

1) you believe that the non-BF fed babies are deprived of something and are therefore lesser than, but won't say it out loud (do you REALLY believe that?)
or
2) you just really have contempt for women who CHOOSE not to BF, and you know that all of these non-BF babies are just fine. (I pick this one.)

Examine your motivations closely.

[Anonymous]

La Leche lunatics out in full force on this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP here. This has nothing to do with it being sexual. I said I have sensitive nipples that get chaffed easily and feel bruised and that if it hurts after normal daily activities or sexual pleasure, it will definitely hurt much worse when breastfeeding a baby who eats every 2-3 hours for at least the first 4 months. I chose not to breastfeed because I know it will painful on top of my issues with sensitive nipples. I did hand express to give him colostrum which is the most important thing he gets. It’s better that I’m a happy and my baby has a mom who doesn’t dread feeding him or being in pain 24/7. My husband can feed during the night so I’m more well rested and have the energy to take care of my baby. He is happy and healthy and growing on formula. The studies I’ve read and some doctors I talked to say breast milk benefits are overstated and it’s had minimal benefits. I’m happy with my decision not to breastfeed because that means a happy mom for my son.

If you had talked to a lactation consultant about this, she would have told you about nipple shields, but since you didn’t care to ask, you don’t know that there are ways to breastfeed if you have sensitive nipples such that they won’t hurt after the fact. I used them because maniples were flat and my child couldn’t latch. But it’s probably too late and I suspect the pain issue isn’t the real reason you’re not doing this anyway so....

DP. Wow, some of you are really awful people.

[Anonymous]

OP you do not have to defend your choices to ANYONE, let alone these cows on DCUM. You are feeding your child. That’s all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Great points:

Breastfeeding and the Effort to Re-Domesticate Women
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/push-back/201908/breastfeeding-and-the-effort-re-domesticate-women

"But the way that you can really tell that a goal of breastfeeding promotion is to return women to the home is how the “benefits” of breastfeeding have become tied to increasingly rigid breastfeeding behaviors. Efforts include the demonization of infant formula, the medicalization of breastmilk, the insistence that breastfed babies love their mothers more, and — the newest front — criticism of breastmilk pumping."

Breast-Feeding Extremists Are Even Worse Than You Thought
https://slate.com/human-interest/2015/12/the-breast-feeding-extremists-who-put-lactivism-ahead-of-protecting-babies-from-hiv.html

"...I had no idea how much damage “lactivism” has done to women and children. To be clear, we’re not talking about simply encouraging breast-feeding—everyone agrees that breast-feeding is great when it works, even if it’s not the divine cure-all that its more ardent promoters claim it to be. Jung’s subject in Lactivism isn’t nursing itself, but a strain of advocacy that prizes feeding babies breast milk above all else, no matter the cost to their mothers or, in some cases, the babies themselves. “I am not against breastfeeding,” writes Jung, who reports that she happily nursed her own babies. “I am against lactivism. I am against using the particular infant-feeding practices of one privileged demographic to measure people who lack the resources to breastfeed—or prefer not to. I am against using a selective reading of medical literature to justify a public health issue. I am against using that public health issue to compel women to breastfeed and to punish those who don’t.”