Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP here. This has nothing to do with it being sexual. I said I have sensitive nipples that get chaffed easily and feel bruised and that if it hurts after normal daily activities or sexual pleasure, it will definitely hurt much worse when breastfeeding a baby who eats every 2-3 hours for at least the first 4 months. I chose not to breastfeed because I know it will painful on top of my issues with sensitive nipples. I did hand express to give him colostrum which is the most important thing he gets. It’s better that I’m a happy and my baby has a mom who doesn’t dread feeding him or being in pain 24/7. My husband can feed during the night so I’m more well rested and have the energy to take care of my baby. He is happy and healthy and growing on formula. The studies I’ve read and some doctors I talked to say breast milk benefits are overstated and it’s had minimal benefits. I’m happy with my decision not to breastfeed because that means a happy mom for my son.

If you had talked to a lactation consultant about this, she would have told you about nipple shields, but since you didn’t care to ask, you don’t know that there are ways to breastfeed if you have sensitive nipples such that they won’t hurt after the fact. I used them because maniples were flat and my child couldn’t latch. But it’s probably too late and I suspect the pain issue isn’t the real reason you’re not doing this anyway so....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

I find it so selfish that someone would choose their sex life over feeding their baby. You can put nipple licking/sucking on hold for a few months op (or hey, I’ve heard some men love breast milk). Try something new. There’s a big wide open world of sex play out there that you have yet to explore.

Reading comprehension is clearly an issue. You don’t sound very bright.

[Anonymous]

LOL at the weird maniples typo I got!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

I find it so selfish that someone would choose their sex life over feeding their baby. You can put nipple licking/sucking on hold for a few months op (or hey, I’ve heard some men love breast milk). Try something new. There’s a big wide open world of sex play out there that you have yet to explore.

Reading comprehension is clearly an issue. You don’t sound very bright.

work on your insults, sweetie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

It’s not at all PC to say this, but I agree. Barring some major issues, at least try. Though, perhaps you could argue that many of those unwilling to try have major issues (eg narcissism) in which case, it makes sense.

+1. I think people are reacting to the fact that your reasons for not wanting to even try are all about you and kind of selfish and not really in the best interest of your baby. Fine if it doesn’t work out, but it’s jarring to see a brand new mother deny her tiny newborn baby health benefits because she’s afraid of a little discomfort she may not even actually experience. Like, lesson number one of motherhood is worrying about another human sometimes more than yourself. OP hasn’t gotten the memo yet.

I think this is true. OP didn’t try breastfeeding because her sensitive nipples need to be reserved for DH and sex play? That’s a weird reason not to even try if I have ever heard it and of course people will judge for that. Plenty of people have sensitive nipples - I would argue most everyone does. OP is not unique in that her nipples are sensitive or that before kids her nipples were used for foreplay and intimacy with her partner.

Parenthood is full of all sorts of bodily sacrifice from getting pooped/puked/peed on to being exhausted from carrying/lifting/rocking/holding/bathing/feeding kids and I’m not even talking about the permanent bodily changes from pregnancy, birth and nursing. Having a temporary time where you use your breasts for what they are biologically intended for - feeding a baby - is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of life. Not everyone wants to do it and that’s fine, but I will say I think you are being selfish not to even try.

OP here. This has nothing to do with it being sexual. I said I have sensitive nipples that get chaffed easily and feel bruised and that if it hurts after normal daily activities or sexual pleasure, it will definitely hurt much worse when breastfeeding a baby who eats every 2-3 hours for at least the first 4 months. I chose not to breastfeed because I know it will painful on top of my issues with sensitive nipples. I did hand express to give him colostrum which is the most important thing he gets. It’s better that I’m a happy and my baby has a mom who doesn’t dread feeding him or being in pain 24/7. My husband can feed during the night so I’m more well rested and have the energy to take care of my baby. He is happy and healthy and growing on formula. The studies I’ve read and some doctors I talked to say breast milk benefits are overstated and it’s had minimal benefits. I’m happy with my decision not to breastfeed because that means a happy mom for my son.

If you had talked to a lactation consultant about this, she would have told you about nipple shields, but since you didn’t care to ask, you don’t know that there are ways to breastfeed if you have sensitive nipples such that they won’t hurt after the fact. I used them because maniples were flat and my child couldn’t latch. But it’s probably too late and I suspect the pain issue isn’t the real reason you’re not doing this anyway so....

OP here. Again, why do you care how others feed their child? You sound like an obsessed weirdo who shames women who don’t breastfeed. Please get some help. You would be less crazy if you minded your own business.

[Anonymous]

ignore, ignore, ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

I find it so selfish that someone would choose their sex life over feeding their baby. You can put nipple licking/sucking on hold for a few months op (or hey, I’ve heard some men love breast milk). Try something new. There’s a big wide open world of sex play out there that you have yet to explore.

Reading comprehension is clearly an issue. You don’t sound very bright.

work on your insults, sweetie!

No, please get educated. You’re twisting OPs words. You sound like a deranged lunatic. I could care less how OP feeds her baby. What a weirdo you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

Wonderful use of the strawman argument! 10/10

No, not really. The kids of the moms and the kids of the others are all just fine -- however they are fed. No shame in formula. Maybe consider your own personal failures instead of assigning shame to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

Do you also check in on the status of a new mother's perineum?

NP--I send new moms perineum cream. An always appreciated gift

another np and YES i ask about their perineum! I always ask if my fried tore, and how they are feeling (physically) ... we talk about the joys of the fear around that first post partum poop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

No need to be nasty about it.

DP here. Doesn't sound nasty to me. Sounds like an accurate summary of what OP said. Its only "nasty" if you view it from a defensive point of view.

No. Try “you have chosen to formula feed” instead of OMG EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TRRRYYYYYYY!

Morons.

new poster here, and I agree there wasn't anything nasty about that comment. Just a factual summary of what the OP said. I agree with the above poster that said it's only "nasty" if viewed from a point of defense (insecurity about one's choices)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I chose not the breast feed (yes, “didn’t even try”). The pediatrician asked, but I just ended every conversation. The good news is the inappropriate probing and questions do end as your baby gets older. So it sucks that people suck (as so many of the PPs have shown you), but it does end.

+1 now this is a person who gets it! it's perfectly fine and acceptable to formula feed, it's also perfectly fine and acceptable for most ppl to assume (ie ask) if a new mother is breastfeeding.

If the OP is comfortable with their choice, this is how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

I find it so selfish that someone would choose their sex life over feeding their baby. You can put nipple licking/sucking on hold for a few months op (or hey, I’ve heard some men love breast milk). Try something new. There’s a big wide open world of sex play out there that you have yet to explore.

OP here. You took a small piece of what I said and trying to twist it. I said breast play is a huge part of intimacy that has lead to issues and I know beats feeding will be much worse. I didn’t say I didn’t want to breastfeed for intimacy purposes or that I valued it more. I was making a comparison that if my nipples are already sensitive and bruised after intimacy, it will be much worse breastfeeding a baby every 2-3 hours or more for at least 4 months. It has nothing about intimacy.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you care so much how a stranger feeds their baby? You sound a little weird and crazy.

Surprised you didn’t stop nipple play with your DH after you felt the sensitivity the first time…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

What is the difference? You are clearly just shaming the new mom who "refuses" to breastfeed? To what end? Formula is fine for the other kids and its just fine for the baby with the mom with working breasts who chooses differently. You are just being an a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean I would never ask invasive questions like that but yeah I consider it a real failure for a new mom to just refuse to try to breastfeed. Like why have kids if you can't even do this basic thing for them?

And you would say that to adoptive parents? Mothers who can't BF due to biological reasons? Gay male parents? So so so hypocritical!

well, for one, none of those are new moms who refuse to breastfeed. so ... moot point.

What is the difference? You are clearly just shaming the new mom who "refuses" to breastfeed? To what end? Formula is fine for the other kids and its just fine for the baby with the mom with working breasts who chooses differently. You are just being an a$$hole.

I was the PP, but not the first poster.

No i am SHAMING new moms, but i will ASK THEM if they are breastfeeding since its the natural processed that has allowed humans to be alive. Upon their response that they aren't, the conversation pivots to something new.

I was highlighting that you were throwing out "whataboutisms" to distract, as they are not comparable to a new mom as they physically do not have the option to breasfeed.