Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

If you are considering pumping, call La Leche League. There will be a chapter in your area and a phone number for a leader you can call for advice. They helped my sil, who had a staph infection in her breast and didn't attempt breastfeeding at all for 5 weeks. With their help she was able to nurse her baby.

Pumping is way better than nursing for me since you can adjust the suction strength. Some days I do a little less when my nipples feel more sensitive. I did need to get new flange sizes and used the measurement guide from the Spectra website. I aim to pump 3-4x a day to give at least 1 oz total breast milk so baby can get some of those supposed benefits at least.

Wait, you pump 3-4 times a day to get 1oz? That’s insane. 1oz of breast milk will not do anything. As someone who breastfed and pumped, switch to formula.

[Anonymous]

I think you are hypersensitive to this. None of these comments sound rude or even critical (except maybe the Ped, but it's part of her job to check in on how the baby is being fed and tell you the benefits of BFing). You can't force people to enthusiastically agree with all of your parenting choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are hypersensitive to this. None of these comments sound rude or even critical (except maybe the Ped, but it's part of her job to check in on how the baby is being fed and tell you the benefits of BFing). You can't force people to enthusiastically agree with all of your parenting choices.

Not only is the bold completely true, OP is in for a long bumpy ride if she is going to be this sensitive every time she makes a parenting decision! People share their unsolicited parenting opinions on everything! You can't control it so you better toughen up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

If you are considering pumping, call La Leche League. There will be a chapter in your area and a phone number for a leader you can call for advice. They helped my sil, who had a staph infection in her breast and didn't attempt breastfeeding at all for 5 weeks. With their help she was able to nurse her baby.

Pumping is way better than nursing for me since you can adjust the suction strength. Some days I do a little less when my nipples feel more sensitive. I did need to get new flange sizes and used the measurement guide from the Spectra website. I aim to pump 3-4x a day to give at least 1 oz total breast milk so baby can get some of those supposed benefits at least.

Wait, you pump 3-4 times a day to get 1oz? That’s insane. 1oz of breast milk will not do anything. As someone who breastfed and pumped, switch to formula.

Oh no I do get more now but was just saying it as a baseline to start with especially if OP was feeling discouraged by it. I feel like I was overwhelmed when LCs tell you that you need to do it 8x a day. Does anyone know if there is a magic # oz of when breast milk is useful vs not though? I’d be curious. Also I see OP isn’t interested in pumping now which is fine too, RTF is sooooo convenient and I’m jealous you can afford it!

[Anonymous]

OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

[Anonymous]

Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I inquire because I dont want to waste my money sending items for a nursing mother vs a formula feeding mom. I send nursing moms items that were helpful for me when I was nursing plus stuff for a new mom that focuses on her. Nursing stuff would be things like hydrating drinks or LIQUID IV sticks, one-handed snacks, etc. Regardless of nursing status, I will send a mask for daytime sleeping, some undereye patches, chapstick, usually dinner sent one night or gift cards for ubereats, etc.

If its a close friend of mine I already know. If its a wife of one of my DHs friends then I might ask. And yes if I know they had their first csection I might get them an extra caddy for diapers or a cute pillow with a note saying "use for coughing or laughing".

Its not malevolent. And yes your ped will prob ask a few more times because 1. they likely dont remember your previous answer and 2. didnt review the chart closely enough regarding that specific issue

This is insane. And totally out of bounds unless you are close with the person to whom you are sending the gifts. "I don't want to waste my money" so therefore you ask personal questions and make assumptions about what people need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

Talk about mixed messages. This is the subtle FU all new moms get from judgmental people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

Talk about mixed messages. This is the subtle FU all new moms get from judgmental people.

No. It’s not a mixed message. It’s factual. Facts don’t change just because you don’t like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

It wasn't best for me which is why I didn't do it for long. Stop making blanket statements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

Talk about mixed messages. This is the subtle FU all new moms get from judgmental people.

No. It’s not a mixed message. It’s factual. Facts don’t change just because you don’t like them.

Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby isn't a fact -- it's nuanced and based on the individuals involved and can change. Sorry you don't like that FACT. Go push your BS somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are two wildly different things:

1) Family/friends - that is not appropriate, tell them to back off. Seriously. Start responding to "why aren't you breastfeeding? You should breastfeed!" with "I didn't ask and I'm really tired of people saying, that it's rude." And feel free to escalate to "F off." Unsolicited parenting advice is the pits.

2) Pediatrician - I'm fed is best, but yes, there are some small health benefits to breastfeeding for babies, and those small benefits might be a bit larger right now with covid, so this falls under the pediatricians area of concern and interest. This is your decision, and your pediatrician should support you in what you choose, BUT it's also their job to discuss this with you. Them "probing for why you're not" is their job - to discuss your baby's health and things that may affect it.

Doctors can give advice when asked. Otherwise, it is none of his business what a patient chooses. Doctors are not supposed to judge a patient's decision. I am sick of the "I am doctor and, therefore, am infallible and you do as I say.". Horse hockey! OP, you do what is best for you and tell the rest to mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby. Of course your pediatrician and the nurses are going to encourage it. If you don’t want to breastfeed, fine. But you can’t expect health care providers not to encourage it.

Also, you need to grow thicker skin. My kids are adults. There are people who will question every decision you make from infancy through college. And even beyond. Stop worrying about what other people think about your parenting decisions. If your baby is safe, fed, housed, clothed, and loved, you’re doing great.

Talk about mixed messages. This is the subtle FU all new moms get from judgmental people.

No. It’s not a mixed message. It’s factual. Facts don’t change just because you don’t like them.

Breastfeeding is best for mom and baby isn't a fact -- it's nuanced and based on the individuals involved and can change. Sorry you don't like that FACT. Go push your BS somewhere else.

Breastfeeding may have been best for you but you do not get to make this blanket statement for every woman. I found breastfeeding disgusting and could not stand it. Three kids formula fed and all healthy, highly intelligent, and happy. Who are you to force your beliefs on other people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

No need to be nasty about it.

NP but how is it nasty for PP to state a fact? OP decided she didn't want to try. That is a fact.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're being oversensitive. People are asking because it's something people ask new moms. It's like asking a liberal arts college student: "Hey, how's school going? Read any good books lately?" People make assumptions, that's not the same as judgment. Set them straight, then move the conversation to a different topic like: "We are exclusively formula feeding. Did I tell you that Ella makes the cutest little sound every time she sneezes? It's like she surprises herself and yells "oh!"!"