Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to breastfeed but everyone is pushing me to breastfeed. The nurses and location consultant in the hospital, the pediatrician, family/friends etc. My husband is the only one supportive. I’m tired of the “ congratulations and then the “ how is breastfeeding going” and giving me tips and stories about how it went for them. Then silence or questions why when I tell them I chose not to breastfeed. I never once asked that and I find it so rude that people feel it’s normal or necessary to even ask that. I understand healthcare professionals and some close family/friends, but I have distance relatives asking me that. The pediatrician asked at both the 3 day checkup and today at his two week and probed why I didn’t. She recommended I give it a try for 6 weeks with Covid going around. My husband told her we have chosen formula feeding and she sort of seemed annoyed with me. I was very confident in my decision but now I feel slightly guilty about it. I never had the desire to breastfeed. I’ve been a person with super sensitive nipples that easily get chaffed and feel bruised. They’re flat and I have small nipples. I know breastfeeding can be super painful in the beginning and I didn’t want to go through that pain with my sensitive nipples. I did hand express colostrum but we exclusively formula feed and things are going well. I never expected such pushback from healthcare professionals or people so interested in whether I breastfeed or not.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think its fair for a medical professional to ask about this - both to understand how the baby is being fed (it matters for weight and sleeping) and to check in to make sure things are ok for you. And I can see why she's recommending it- if you are vaccinated it will help protect your baby. But like anything a doctor says, it doesn't mean you have to do so.

It also sounds like you are hypersensitive about this, which I get. But do remember that since you are so sentive about this AND because you just had a baby and your hormones are all over the place, that the judgement they are sending might be less than the judgement you are recieving.

Otherwise, you need to just ignore and change the topic. "How about those Rams Aunt Susan?"

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t consider this pushback. Most women at least attempt. Checking in to see how it is going seems pretty normal and expected, especially from the ped. There are benefits to breastfeeding which is why your ped isn encouraging you to try it. No one has said you must or you are bad mom if you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think its fair for a medical professional to ask about this - both to understand how the baby is being fed (it matters for weight and sleeping) and to check in to make sure things are ok for you. And I can see why she's recommending it- if you are vaccinated it will help protect your baby. But like anything a doctor says, it doesn't mean you have to do so.

It also sounds like you are hypersensitive about this, which I get. But do remember that since you are so sentive about this AND because you just had a baby and your hormones are all over the place, that the judgement they are sending might be less than the judgement you are recieving.

Otherwise, you need to just ignore and change the topic. "How about those Rams Aunt Susan?"

Not OP but I got vaccinated before getting pregnant and got boosted during pregnancy. I read that most of the immunity was passed through pregnancy and none will be passed through breastfeeding unless actively getting vaccinated + boosted while breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

These are two wildly different things:

1) Family/friends - that is not appropriate, tell them to back off. Seriously. Start responding to "why aren't you breastfeeding? You should breastfeed!" with "I didn't ask and I'm really tired of people saying, that it's rude." And feel free to escalate to "F off." Unsolicited parenting advice is the pits.

2) Pediatrician - I'm fed is best, but yes, there are some small health benefits to breastfeeding for babies, and those small benefits might be a bit larger right now with covid, so this falls under the pediatricians area of concern and interest. This is your decision, and your pediatrician should support you in what you choose, BUT it's also their job to discuss this with you. Them "probing for why you're not" is their job - to discuss your baby's health and things that may affect it.

[Anonymous]

You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

No need to be nasty about it.

[Anonymous]

It's fine that you're not breastfeeding, Op. But you're going to have to let go of the idea that them talking about it is rude. At least when they talk about it the first time. It's such a common topic - "how's it going?" Or they might think you need help/support, that somehow they can be helpful by what they say.

Again, it's fine Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

Healthcare workers asking is normal, but there is no reason for family/friends to ask and need to know details. I have friends who chose to formula feed and I never once felt it was okay to ask why they’re formula feeding. It’s a personal decision and none of my business. Many people today think they’re armchair health professionals and don’t know how to mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

WTF???

[Anonymous]

An unfortunate part of motherhood (it is very much centered at mothers) is judgment. About every damn thing.

You do you. I'm happy you have a supportive husband. that's a huge win.

[Anonymous]

Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

[Anonymous]

I have posted this before. I regret being so devoted to nursing that I was willing to over look the fact that my baby was probably hungry and miserable and I was miserable at an important time for both of us. I feel guilty even now and he is in college.

Aside from your pediatrician, one brief sentence, Larlo is doing great with bottle feeds. No one needs anymore. If they press, I would just repeat. He is eating and gaining really well so we are good...or whatever. There are a million ways to be a great parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

This is such a misogynist thing to say. It's OP's choice - her own and no one else's - and no one has the right to question her. It's her body. The baby will be just fine with formula. You are just spewing out this recycled BS used to hurt new mothers.