Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t consider this pushback. Most women at least attempt. Checking in to see how it is going seems pretty normal and expected, especially from the ped. There are benefits to breastfeeding which is why your ped isn encouraging you to try it. No one has said you must or you are bad mom if you don’t.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

[Anonymous]

You're doing just fine. Your pediatrician should stop asking, otherwise I'd switch to a new provider.

As for family and friends, I'd just change the subject after "I decided not to breastfeed, Larla is doing great on formula."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have posted this before. I regret being so devoted to nursing that I was willing to over look the fact that my baby was probably hungry and miserable and I was miserable at an important time for both of us. I feel guilty even now and he is in college.

Aside from your pediatrician, one brief sentence, Larlo is doing great with bottle feeds. No one needs anymore. If they press, I would just repeat. He is eating and gaining really well so we are good...or whatever. There are a million ways to be a great parent.

PLUS ONE MILLION!!!!

There are ALSO benefits to the baby is the mother is happy, rested, and enjoying life with her child. Not wilted, depressed, frantic and filled with anxiety. But no one wants to talk about THAT version of all this because women are only vessels and are here to do things that ONLY benefit the baby and NEVER themselves.

Sick. Of. The. Misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I’ve always had flat and small nipples that easily get chaffed and bruised. They’re super sensitive. TMI but breast play is a huge part of our intimate time and that causes issues for me. That totally turned me off because a baby will be nursing every 2-3 hours or more for at last the first 4 months. I didn’t think I could manage and so I made the decision to formula feed while pregnant. The added bonus is I don’t have to worry how much he eats, if he getting enough, and my husband can share in the responsibility of feed him.

And not to be rude but the thought of breastfeeding feeling “ something like approaching an orgasm” is so gross and revolting to me. Almost like a sexualized thing, which breastfeeding isn’t. Never would I think to feel comfortable correlating the breastfeeding to that of a sexual feeling. Super weird.

OP, just stop explaining yourself. No one needs to know why you made the decision not to breast feed. It’s perfectly fine! And your baby will be perfectly fine! Many of us didn’t breastfeed or stopped early when it wasn’t working out. My formula-fed kid is in college now and doing great. Yours will too.

And don’t worry, this is just the first of many parenting decisions you’ll be questioned on or commented on. Next up will be some nosey old lady telling you should have a hat on that baby. Your spine will stiffen. Best wishes to you and your family!

[Anonymous]

People pressuring you to breastfeed unfortunately will be the norm. Look at this thread itself with the breastfeeding know it alls. Unfortunately you will have to be firm and shut it down. I told everyone with my second baby I wasn’t going to breastfeed. I was clear about it in labor. Once the baby came out the lactation consultant came in anyway. I was wheeled to my room and right in the board for feeding plan was breastfeeding. I erased it and put formula. Then I badgered the nurses non stop for formula. I went home and my post partum doula made me pump breastmilk and between the pressure I still ended up doing it despite my determination. What I am trying to say OP, is if you don’t want to breastfeed don’t. But there will be tons of pressure and you will just have to fend it off and be firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

What crap. Just because you “orgasm” after breastfeeding doesn’t mean it’s the same experience for others. Prime example of rude and nosy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An unfortunate part of motherhood (it is very much centered at mothers) is judgment. About every damn thing.

You do you. I'm happy you have a supportive husband. that's a huge win.

It's trial by fire for you, op. If you can endure this bs postpartum, the judgement and pettiness which will inevitably come at you in the future (no mom escapes it) will roll off your back. Congrats on the baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An unfortunate part of motherhood (it is very much centered at mothers) is judgment. About every damn thing.

You do you. I'm happy you have a supportive husband. that's a huge win.

+1 - motherhood is full of unsolicited opinions and judgements, and I’m sorry you’re getting your first taste of this.

I have two kids and chose not to breastfeed either time - no regrets. You are allowed to make your own choice, OP, and don’t forget that what is best for YOU matters too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

If you are considering pumping, call La Leche League. There will be a chapter in your area and a phone number for a leader you can call for advice. They helped my sil, who had a staph infection in her breast and didn't attempt breastfeeding at all for 5 weeks. With their help she was able to nurse her baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine that you're not breastfeeding, Op. But you're going to have to let go of the idea that them talking about it is rude. At least when they talk about it the first time. It's such a common topic - "how's it going?" Or they might think you need help/support, that somehow they can be helpful by what they say.

Again, it's fine Op.

But it is rude. Coming from anyone other than the baby's father or a medical professional, it's rude and pushy.

I suggest when people ask you intrusive questions that you give them a confused look and say something like, "oh, are you Larla's pediatrician?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

Do you also check in on the status of a new mother's perineum?