Pediatrician + Family/Friend Making Comments About My Choice Not To Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

You're not doing orgasms right.

[Anonymous]

Breastfeeding is so much easier. I would give it a try. I hated formula feeding because of having to make and warm the bottles and wash everything. Popping him on the breasts was so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medical professionals who have your health and the baby's health interests at heart are doing their duty when they remind you of the benefits of breastfeeding, OP. They would be remiss if they did not. The others are rude, but remember that they are suggesting you do something beneficial - they're not pushing you to do something that's unhealthy, like smoking or drinking.

It seems as though your refusal stems from anxiety. It's a little strange that you are persuaded it won't go well for you without even trying.

Do you know what breastfeeding feels like for me? I get something approaching an orgasm I did get mastitis one time, but a mild case that was not bothersome. At no point was breastfeeding a burden or something that was so painful I wanted to stop. And every time, I get that little high.

I understand you're the kind of person who reads the bad outcomes and believes it will happen to you, but I hope you can work to get past that in your life, not just for breastfeeding. It's sad to think you're missing out on so much.

OP here. I never said I was missing out on anything. My baby is formula feed and he is happy and well fed. Formula feeding is perfectly fine and healthy. I’m annoyed by people asking and feeling it’s their business to ask such a thing, but I do not feel like I’m missing out on anything. I weighed the benefits of nursing and felt the studies show minimal benefits and I didn’t think it was any better than formula when the first year is such a short amount of time in his life and won’t matter a year from now.

You are being very defensive. People like to check in with new moms. They ask about breastfeeding, if they are sleeping through the night, if you baby wear, all sorts of things. Just answer how ever you want. What is the big deal?

Do you also check in on the status of a new mother's perineum?

Lol. As someone who breastfeed three babies for 12 months each, I think each and everyone of these people can eff off right into the sun. I can see the pediatrician asking if an attempt was made (only to discern if the baby was receiving any milk or whatever) but all the other comments are judgments trying to pass as “concern.” Seems like we only let women decide to FF if they have truly exhausted every effort to BF first. That’s wack. You do you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

If you are considering pumping, call La Leche League. There will be a chapter in your area and a phone number for a leader you can call for advice. They helped my sil, who had a staph infection in her breast and didn't attempt breastfeeding at all for 5 weeks. With their help she was able to nurse her baby.

OP here. I’m not interested in pumping. I hand expressed colostrum because that we what was most important to me for him to have. I don’t want to nurse or pump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

If you are considering pumping, call La Leche League. There will be a chapter in your area and a phone number for a leader you can call for advice. They helped my sil, who had a staph infection in her breast and didn't attempt breastfeeding at all for 5 weeks. With their help she was able to nurse her baby.

OP here. I’m not interested in pumping. I hand expressed colostrum because that we what was most important to me for him to have. I don’t want to nurse or pump.

You've made your decision. No one has a right to question you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is so much easier. I would give it a try. I hated formula feeding because of having to make and warm the bottles and wash everything. Popping him on the breasts was so much easier.

OP here. I guess it depends for everyone but formula feeding so super easy too. We buy Enfamil NeuroPro RTF and he takes it room temp. We just open, pour on bottle, and feed. I’d it’s in the fridge we do heat it but it takes like two minutes in the bottle warmer. We rinse the bottles and put them in the dishwasher to run every night.

The best things about formula feeding is I can sleep a 4-5 hour stretch while my husband gets up to feed the baby. I know exactly how much he eats he’s growing well. He’s also a very good sleeper but that may just be luck.

[Anonymous]

I formula fed both my kids and the time period where there are constant questions about BFing is mercifully pretty short. Just stick it out until your kid is 4-6 weeks-ish and then people will be mostly off the subject. It’s annoying but it’s just how people are. Everyone has something to say and if it wasn’t formula feeding it would be, “oh you had a c-section, too bad, next time you should labor more at home or not get an induction” or “oh your kid is going to day care, I could never, not during Covid.”

[Anonymous]

That's why I told the prospective pediatrician when I interviewed him that I wasn't going to breastfeed. He barely batted an eye. He said the benefits are overblown anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is so much easier. I would give it a try. I hated formula feeding because of having to make and warm the bottles and wash everything. Popping him on the breasts was so much easier.

It was easier FOR YOU. It isn't easier for everyone. Can you comprehend that?

[Anonymous]

Do what is best for you. Making yourself breastfeed when you don’t want to will take a toll on your physical snd mental health and can impact your ability to function and bond with your baby. Don’t feel guilty if formula is working for you.

I had so many issues with breastfeeding my first and had to pump after two months of bad latch and him not gaining enough weight. I pumped until 6 months and it was exhausting. I hated it. I told myself here I was pregnant with my second that I would try breastfeeding but quit if it didn’t work. I had the same issues with my second and felt guilty so I pumped and formula fed. I stopped at 8 weeks but I wish I would have stopped soonest I realize how much time I lost pumping. I don’t plan on having more kids but I would go straight to formula if I ever did and wish I went straight to formula with my second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation due to latching issues - would you consider pumping? Not exclusively pumping but doing combo feeding with formula and pumping

OP here. Has been two weeks and I’m sure I have no supply left. Wouldn’t pumping hurt as much as nursing?

If you are considering pumping, call La Leche League. There will be a chapter in your area and a phone number for a leader you can call for advice. They helped my sil, who had a staph infection in her breast and didn't attempt breastfeeding at all for 5 weeks. With their help she was able to nurse her baby.

Pumping is way better than nursing for me since you can adjust the suction strength. Some days I do a little less when my nipples feel more sensitive. I did need to get new flange sizes and used the measurement guide from the Spectra website. I aim to pump 3-4x a day to give at least 1 oz total breast milk so baby can get some of those supposed benefits at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to be comfortable with your decision. There are health benefits to nursing for you and your baby. You decided that you didn’t want to even try. Ok. But don’t be surprised people are asking, since the majority of moms do attempt it and there are health benefits to your baby especially in the first 0-6 weeks.

No need to be nasty about it.

DP here. Doesn't sound nasty to me. Sounds like an accurate summary of what OP said. Its only "nasty" if you view it from a defensive point of view.

[Anonymous]

I had these issues with nosey people in the beginning. The only supportive ones were my husband and MIL. Surprisingly my best friend who chose to formula feed after breastfeeding issues was shocked I didn’t attempt breastfeeding longer and
“ make it work”. My MIL breastfed both her kids and she said it was no as common and she would get many questions about why she wouldn’t use formula and there was no point of breastfeeding beyond 6 months. She has been very supportive and told me to state my reason, stand firm, and ignore. I have an almost 2.5 year old who was combo fed until 4 months and then we switched to formula and a 6 month old who was formula fed from the start. I would be firm with my choice when asked and would change the subject to let them know it’s none of their business and I wasn’t interested in having the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is so much easier. I would give it a try. I hated formula feeding because of having to make and warm the bottles and wash everything. Popping him on the breasts was so much easier.

OP here. I guess it depends for everyone but formula feeding so super easy too. We buy Enfamil NeuroPro RTF and he takes it room temp. We just open, pour on bottle, and feed. I’d it’s in the fridge we do heat it but it takes like two minutes in the bottle warmer. We rinse the bottles and put them in the dishwasher to run every night.

The best things about formula feeding is I can sleep a 4-5 hour stretch while my husband gets up to feed the baby. I know exactly how much he eats he’s growing well. He’s also a very good sleeper but that may just be luck.

Definitely luck on the sleep. My two breastfed babies were fantastic sleepers from the get go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding is so much easier. I would give it a try. I hated formula feeding because of having to make and warm the bottles and wash everything. Popping him on the breasts was so much easier.

It was easier FOR YOU. It isn't easier for everyone. Can you comprehend that?

Oh, she comprehends it just as well as you comprehend that it is actually easy for some people. It's like neither of you dogmatic PPs can allow that the other person's perspective is accurate to their experience and not universal to everyone else's.

OP, realistically, this is one of those standard questions that people ask new moms. It is in the category, for me, of "invasive and rude but socially appropriate in 2022" in the same way that having people asking you when you're due, commenting on how you must be having twins, etc. is invasive and rude but socially appropriate. Most times, if you are asked this by an acquaintance, they will be perfectly happy with any answer to the question. They are just making conversation most of the time.

As others have noted, medical folks asking about it at this age and stage of development is appropriate, though it would be ideal if how your baby is being fed was noted in their chart somewhere so that you don't get asked every time, the same way that you will also get asked where they're sleeping and if there are guns in the home at many appointments. The topic of conversation will fade into the rearview with your pediatrician as your baby gets older. If the baby does not have weight gain issues and is meeting milestones and eating well in general, they will stop asking WHAT they're eating and just ask HOW they're eating.

As for your friends and family, I see no reason why you cannot say to them, "Susan, I've already told you a couple times that I am not breastfeeding. Please stop asking. It is starting to feel like you are judging me for a parenting decision that is, quite frankly, none of your business." Maybe other PPs would not say that, but you are clearly bothered by them asking repeatedly. Letting them know that you are offended that they keep asking and asking them to stop is a reasonable response that puts you back in charge of the narrative. I would expect some of them to be crabby about it, but that's likely because you are right in that it's not their business.

Signed,
I nursed one baby for 18 months and one for almost 3 years and I am glad you've found something that works for you!