40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?

[Anonymous]

I am 44 (divorced with kids). It would not be a problem to me as I don't plan to cohabitate or remarry. Good for you for having that much money in the bank. I think you are smart.

[Anonymous]

If I were going into a living together type relationship I would want to share a 2 BR if possible (or 3 even so we each have our own home office plus one doubles as a guest room). I don't think it would prevent me from dating someone but I would want them to be open to moving somewhere with more space.

[Anonymous]

sounds pretty gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my situation. Condo is paid off and in a nice area. I also have about $600K in the bank so it’s not a financial issue.

The issue is I love the peace and greenery of single-family homes so I spend a lot of time at my parents’ house, which is five minutes from my condo. A two-bedroom condo is not going to give me much more in that regard than a one-bedroom condo. And buying a house in this area would entail so much expense and hassle that I’m not interested in that right now.

Just curious if you women would perceive this as a negative in the dating market, i.e. that’s too small a place for a 40-year-old or it may indicate I’m not serious about marriage. (Truthfully, I’m not interested in getting married but I don’t *lead* with that so women don’t think I am only interested in sex.)

Anyway, one-bedroom apartment for a 40-year-old man – is that a problem?

What kind of 40 year old man is so freaking insecure he's asking anonymous posters on a message board whether having a 1br condo makes him a dating liability? Lol, I'll take your condo if you're going to be an insecure baby over it.

[Anonymous]

I am a 40-something woman who chose not to have kids because I want to minimize the amount of responsibility in my life (though I do have a husband and a dog), so I kind of get it, OP, but you sound like a Peter Pan. You don’t want to grow up, you can’t feed yourself and don’t know how to clean. These are both skills that I expect in an adult, so it would be a huge turnoff. The condo is fine and the least of your issues.

[Anonymous]

Condo not an issue. Eating at your parents 3x week plus never cooking your own meals is a red flag. Do you clean your own condo? If not, another red flag. Nothing to do with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my situation. Condo is paid off and in a nice area. I also have about $600K in the bank so it’s not a financial issue.

The issue is I love the peace and greenery of single-family homes so I spend a lot of time at my parents’ house, which is five minutes from my condo. A two-bedroom condo is not going to give me much more in that regard than a one-bedroom condo. And buying a house in this area would entail so much expense and hassle that I’m not interested in that right now.

Just curious if you women would perceive this as a negative in the dating market, i.e. that’s too small a place for a 40-year-old or it may indicate I’m not serious about marriage. (Truthfully, I’m not interested in getting married but I don’t *lead* with that so women don’t think I am only interested in sex.)

Anyway, one-bedroom apartment for a 40-year-old man – is that a problem?

No. It is not a problem at all for a single guy to have a 1-bedroom apt or condo.
No. It is not a problem if they spend a lot of time at their parents house, don't like to cook or don't want to maintain a house.
No. It is not a problem if they are not keen to be married or have a kid.

There are many 40+ women, who are single, may or may not have kids, who are looking for LTR but do not want to get married. The problem is only if you are a jerk in other ways or are a completely uninteresting person.

[Anonymous]

What kind of issue would this be? If so meet someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Condo not an issue. Eating at your parents 3x week plus never cooking your own meals is a red flag. Do you clean your own condo? If not, another red flag. Nothing to do with money.

I don't think eating at your parents 3x a week is an issue. I don't think not cleaning your condo is an issue (as long as you pay someone to clean for you). If you are spending time with your parents, how will anyone know about it, unless you are sharing this info with them?

I think that there may be a concern that you are not too successful if you are not living in a 2-br condo. Having a 2 br condo for a single older guy makes being single a lifestyle choice. You know, like George Clooney having the villa in Lake Como made him successful bachelor who was not too interested in getting married at the moment.

So, 2 Br-apt with 2-full bathroom - is just fine and dandy for a bachelor. 1 br sounds like a sad life. Get someone to keep the condo clean. Your meal situation is fine. You are actually smart that you are spending time with your folks because it surrounds you with family and it is good for both your parents and for you.

Don't get pets however. That is not the greatest if you are single and above 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Condo not an issue. Eating at your parents 3x week plus never cooking your own meals is a red flag. Do you clean your own condo? If not, another red flag. Nothing to do with money.

I don't think eating at your parents 3x a week is an issue. I don't think not cleaning your condo is an issue (as long as you pay someone to clean for you). If you are spending time with your parents, how will anyone know about it, unless you are sharing this info with them?

I think that there may be a concern that you are not too successful if you are not living in a 2-br condo. Having a 2 br condo for a single older guy makes being single a lifestyle choice. You know, like George Clooney having the villa in Lake Como made him successful bachelor who was not too interested in getting married at the moment.

So, 2 Br-apt with 2-full bathroom - is just fine and dandy for a bachelor. 1 br sounds like a sad life. Get someone to keep the condo clean. Your meal situation is fine. You are actually smart that you are spending time with your folks because it surrounds you with family and it is good for both your parents and for you.

Don't get pets however. That is not the greatest if you are single and above 30.

This poster is entirely wrong. Wrong in every way. Don’t listen to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Better than then roommate rental situation my friends found their husband's in.

I actually see the paid off mortgage as a plus - you and your spouse should be able to put a much larger down payment down when you're ready.

OP doesn’t want to get married. He’s married to his mom.

This. Mommy and Daddy take care of OP when he’s there and make no demands. Complete turnoff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my situation. Condo is paid off and in a nice area. I also have about $600K in the bank so it’s not a financial issue.

The issue is I love the peace and greenery of single-family homes so I spend a lot of time at my parents’ house, which is five minutes from my condo. A two-bedroom condo is not going to give me much more in that regard than a one-bedroom condo. And buying a house in this area would entail so much expense and hassle that I’m not interested in that right now.

Just curious if you women would perceive this as a negative in the dating market, i.e. that’s too small a place for a 40-year-old or it may indicate I’m not serious about marriage. (Truthfully, I’m not interested in getting married but I don’t *lead* with that so women don’t think I am only interested in sex.)

Anyway, one-bedroom apartment for a 40-year-old man – is that a problem?

No. It is not a problem at all for a single guy to have a 1-bedroom apt or condo.
No. It is not a problem if they spend a lot of time at their parents house, don't like to cook or don't want to maintain a house.
No. It is not a problem if they are not keen to be married or have a kid.

There are many 40+ women, who are single, may or may not have kids, who are looking for LTR but do not want to get married. The problem is only if you are a jerk in other ways or are a completely uninteresting person.

Doesn't like to cook is fine. But this guy considers cooking for himself to be a "tremendous amount of effort". It's not, and that's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Better than then roommate rental situation my friends found their husband's in.

I actually see the paid off mortgage as a plus - you and your spouse should be able to put a much larger down payment down when you're ready.

OP doesn’t want to get married. He’s married to his mom.

This. Mommy and Daddy take care of OP when he’s there and make no demands. Complete turnoff.

OP here. Would it also be a “complete turnoff“ if I had a trust fund? Or if my parents lived far away and gave me an annual gift that I happened to use to pay for a chef? Because as I mentioned, I don’t enjoy the ceaseless, mundane tasks involved in cooking my own food, so even if I didn’t live near my parents, I would find some way to outsource that labor. I also don’t like cleaning and have a housekeeper that cleans my condo. I work hard at my job and choose to spend the rest of my time doing things that I enjoy.

I have a great relationship with my parents and, as mentioned, find nature therapeutic so I love spending time in their backyard when the weather is nice. Not sure why so many people find this distasteful. Based on other threads, DCUM finds coming from a wealthy family to be a plus in a partner (not that my parents are super wealthy). But apparently, if aid comes in the form of assistance with life’s mundane tasks instead of in cash - and where I also get to spend time with my parents - that is a “complete turnoff.”

[Anonymous]

Fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Better than then roommate rental situation my friends found their husband's in.

I actually see the paid off mortgage as a plus - you and your spouse should be able to put a much larger down payment down when you're ready.

OP doesn’t want to get married. He’s married to his mom.

This. Mommy and Daddy take care of OP when he’s there and make no demands. Complete turnoff.

OP here. Would it also be a “complete turnoff“ if I had a trust fund? Or if my parents lived far away and gave me an annual gift that I happened to use to pay for a chef? Because as I mentioned, I don’t enjoy the ceaseless, mundane tasks involved in cooking my own food, so even if I didn’t live near my parents, I would find some way to outsource that labor. I also don’t like cleaning and have a housekeeper that cleans my condo. I work hard at my job and choose to spend the rest of my time doing things that I enjoy.

I have a great relationship with my parents and, as mentioned, find nature therapeutic so I love spending time in their backyard when the weather is nice. Not sure why so many people find this distasteful. Based on other threads, DCUM finds coming from a wealthy family to be a plus in a partner (not that my parents are super wealthy). But apparently, if aid comes in the form of assistance with life’s mundane tasks instead of in cash - and where I also get to spend time with my parents - that is a “complete turnoff.”

Because that's not what you said! You didn't say you find cooking and cleaning to be mundane and boring. That's normal and fine. You said that you find it to be a tremendous amount of effort. THAT is weird and off-putting. It's really not that hard unless you're exceptionally lazy or incompetent.

Spending time with your parents is fine, but you have to understand that nobody really wants that much time with their in-laws. Where are you going to get your fix of hanging around in a SFH and yard that you don't have to do any work to maintain?

It just seems like you can't handle a whole lot. Couldn't have a relationship because you'd be "bogged down" at work-- well, a lot of people are able to do well at both. Set up your life to avoid stress-- well, some people find that a little stress is worth it for a fuller and richer life, or they just aren't stressed out by the things you seem to be. That's what's off-putting about it.