40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:whoopee. for a single 40 year old guy 600K doesn't sound like that much. my DD is 29 and she has that much money in the bank already.

Wow dcum is on another planet.

[Anonymous]

Most of the child-free guys I date live in a one or two bedroom place. I actually prefer staying there vs at my 4Br house because it's like going to a hotel. Plus these guys don't have yard work or many house projects and can spend weekend days doing fun stuff with me.

If things got serious, he could rent out the place and we could get something bigger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yes, I do find it stressful to care for a SFH, two young children and all of their needs and school stuff and sports, on top of working and maintaining a marriage and my own health and everything. That is stressful, for sure. But cooking and cleaning for one single adult who is me, would not be stressful at all! It would be downright pleasant because I could cook what I want and not have to cater to anyone else's tastes, and I wouldn't have to do any of the other things parents have to do for their children so I would have plenty of time. Can you really not see a difference there? You seem extremely oblivious and that is the red flag.

Maybe you've been married too long or you're just longing for his life, but I know plenty single people who hate cooking, grab food from restaurants, and yes, eat meals at their parent's house. If he doesn't want to cook, why should he? Why is everybody so mad this man, who can obviously afford to eat out as much as he pleases, doesn't want to cook?!?! Insane.

It’s not about the cooking. It’s about avoiding any kind of personal responsibility and off loading it onto his parents so that he can live a stress free, adolescent type of lifestyle.

No woman would want to marry this free loading man child.

He's not interested in getting married though. He literally said that in his initial post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. It’s more about how you decorate it.
Does it look like a college dorm or pulled together and mature?
I would have simple fresh looking pillows and linens. Masculine of course, but that’s all really

+1. The condo would not be an issue. Loose boundaries with the parents might be.

Damn. So a man who enjoys hanging out with his folks = loose boundaries?? You people are so screwed up.

Pp. I didn’t say that. I said loose boundaries might be an issue. This would depend fully on what the adult child’s relationship with parents looks like and is entirely dependent on the circumstances. It also depends on what kind of relationship OP wants. Someone happy living their own separate life who wants to meet up a couple times a week might be fine with him making no adjustments to his lifestyle as it stands, a live in girlfriend may want to be prioritized more often and might not be up for dinners at the parents a few times a week and spending free time in their backyard.

But he said he didn't want a live-in girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. It’s more about how you decorate it.
Does it look like a college dorm or pulled together and mature?
I would have simple fresh looking pillows and linens. Masculine of course, but that’s all really

+1. The condo would not be an issue. Loose boundaries with the parents might be.

Damn. So a man who enjoys hanging out with his folks = loose boundaries?? You people are so screwed up.

Pp. I didn’t say that. I said loose boundaries might be an issue. This would depend fully on what the adult child’s relationship with parents looks like and is entirely dependent on the circumstances. It also depends on what kind of relationship OP wants. Someone happy living their own separate life who wants to meet up a couple times a week might be fine with him making no adjustments to his lifestyle as it stands, a live in girlfriend may want to be prioritized more often and might not be up for dinners at the parents a few times a week and spending free time in their backyard.

He does not sound like someone who wants a live-in girlfriend. Plenty of women, especially divorced, would find him ideal. He won’t be too needy and it is nice he is close to his parents. He does not have “loose boundaries”—he is a single guy who lives close to his parents. And kudos to him for not wasting money on a bigger than needed property and keeping his cash liquid.

+1 Not every woman out here is looking to get married or live with a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:whoopee. for a single 40 year old guy 600K doesn't sound like that much. my DD is 29 and she has that much money in the bank already.

Wow dcum is on another planet.

I swear. What the heck does her daughter do for a living??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 40-something woman who chose not to have kids because I want to minimize the amount of responsibility in my life (though I do have a husband and a dog), so I kind of get it, OP, but you sound like a Peter Pan. You don’t want to grow up, you can’t feed yourself and don’t know how to clean. These are both skills that I expect in an adult, so it would be a huge turnoff. The condo is fine and the least of your issues.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you’re posting, op. Do you like your condo? You aren’t interested in marriage or living together so what does it matter?

Something about you seems… off. The condo is fine. Going to see your parents a lot is fine. Not cooking or cleaning is fine, though how you describe why you don’t do either reminds me of what addicts tend to say meaning they have no desire (and the key word is desire) to do basic life skills.
You also mention privacy, and gain, the only time I’ve heard an adult mention privacy in that context is when they are hiding something, an addiction, sex with someone they shouldn’t have sex with like an underage person or a prostitute.. healthy adults just don’t phrase things the way you have.

Know too that the women you date don’t care about your finances, why would they, they aren’t gaining anything by simply going out with you and going to bed with you. Same for your work, they won’t care how hard you work, it isn’t going to do anything for them.
You do you, op, just know nobody has to put up with you. You aren’t owed a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, I’m not divorced and have never been married. I wouldn’t describe myself as commitment-phobic; I just had some financial goals that I wanted to meet before getting bogged down in a relationship. Now that I have done that, I am definitely open to committed, long-term relationships, so I’m not leading anyone on. The couple of casual relationships I’ve had have been fun too.

While I’m not opposed to a long-term relationship, I think it’s very unlikely that I would want to cohabitate and almost certain that I would not want to marry. I just value my space and my privacy too much.

Lastly, I’m not sure why everyone is making it seem like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. are no big deal. Isn’t this the same DCUM where everyone is stressed out and complaining about housework and all the “mental loads?“ (Granted, I don’t have kids but the other tasks are not insignificant.) Other than some work issues, I have zero stress in my life, and I love it that way.

I think it's more that your Mommy cooks for you 2-3 days a week, and also sends you home with leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the child-free guys I date live in a one or two bedroom place. I actually prefer staying there vs at my 4Br house because it's like going to a hotel. Plus these guys don't have yard work or many house projects and can spend weekend days doing fun stuff with me.

If things got serious, he could rent out the place and we could get something bigger.

Things will never get serious with OP because he doesn't want anything serious. It's too much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:whoopee. for a single 40 year old guy 600K doesn't sound like that much. my DD is 29 and she has that much money in the bank already.

Wow dcum is on another planet.

I swear. What the heck does her daughter do for a living??

Probably something useless in the financial services field; i.e., making rich people even richer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my situation. Condo is paid off and in a nice area. I also have about $600K in the bank so it’s not a financial issue.

The issue is I love the peace and greenery of single-family homes so I spend a lot of time at my parents’ house, which is five minutes from my condo. A two-bedroom condo is not going to give me much more in that regard than a one-bedroom condo. And buying a house in this area would entail so much expense and hassle that I’m not interested in that right now.

Just curious if you women would perceive this as a negative in the dating market, i.e. that’s too small a place for a 40-year-old or it may indicate I’m not serious about marriage. (Truthfully, I’m not interested in getting married but I don’t *lead* with that so women don’t think I am only interested in sex.)

Anyway, one-bedroom apartment for a 40-year-old man – is that a problem?

You sound co-dependent on and enabled by your parents.

Am glad you are upfront with yourself and others that you do not want to marry and know your limits on chores and life skills like cooking, cleaning and caring for things.

Please keep your life simple and do not worry about being an introvert or having relationships.

You make no mention of having good friends, interests, hobbies or former long term relationships (6+ months) before. If I was to meet you in the neighborhood, work or a dating app, I would assume you were on the autism spectrum and avoid responsibilities because you cannot handle them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:whoopee. for a single 40 year old guy 600K doesn't sound like that much. my DD is 29 and she has that much money in the bank already.

Wow dcum is on another planet.

I swear. What the heck does her daughter do for a living??

NP.
Mgmt or strategy consulting
Ibanking, sales & trading
Hedge fund, PE, VC investor
Techie
Crypto influencer and investor
DEI consultant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yes, I do find it stressful to care for a SFH, two young children and all of their needs and school stuff and sports, on top of working and maintaining a marriage and my own health and everything. That is stressful, for sure. But cooking and cleaning for one single adult who is me, would not be stressful at all! It would be downright pleasant because I could cook what I want and not have to cater to anyone else's tastes, and I wouldn't have to do any of the other things parents have to do for their children so I would have plenty of time. Can you really not see a difference there? You seem extremely oblivious and that is the red flag.

Maybe you've been married too long or you're just longing for his life, but I know plenty single people who hate cooking, grab food from restaurants, and yes, eat meals at their parent's house. If he doesn't want to cook, why should he? Why is everybody so mad this man, who can obviously afford to eat out as much as he pleases, doesn't want to cook?!?! Insane.

I'm not "mad at" him; I just wouldn't want to be involved with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. You are a chump. Stop posting on DCUM and worrying about what ppl think. You are a 40 yo man, still hanging at mommy's house down the street. You are a loser with $600K; still a loser...

He's got $600,000 because he mooches off his parents and has no connections in life besides them and work.