Thought I was being ghosted after sex- but he texted- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

+1. It takes 5 seconds to send an “Hey, I am so sorry - big work emergency! Call you later” text.

I wouldn’t provide the short response mentioned earlier (“hope it worked out”) and unfortunately I would not expect one back. He did ghost. He is not a quality man. I would not reach out again.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in your 40s, you’ve gotten to know one another, intimacy is not unexpected. There’s clearly something not right and you don’t have to put up with it! Thank you, next!

Sorry, that should say “I would provide a short response”

OP: Agree. Should I provide the short response today? Or wait until tomorrow (i.e., after Valentine's Day)?

You didn't respond yesterday, why are you so eager to respond today, on Valentines, when every men on the planet is shooting their cute texts away?
You literally don't have to anything, just watch him.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't respond for now. He was never too busy to send a quick text to let you know his plans had changed... for whatever reason, he chose not to communicate.

[Anonymous]

He didn’t want to see you on Sat? Why not, especially Saturday night? That’s prime date time as my husband puts it, and he’s right, much as this board doesn’t want to hear it.

As for the Super Bowl, the plans don’t sound firm to me, no definite place, and you had to leave at half-time? He doesn’t care about yor kids, he probably doesn’t care about you, next time, with the next guy, realize that the “I need to leave to get my kids” works for/with your friends, it doesn’t work on a date. Makes it seem like you are just penciling someone in. Have an actual date or don’t, but don’t half-ass it, op.

Finally, start-up or no, this guy can’t work all the time. I suspect he’s married. Anybody can text or call.. except wen the wife is there. If he’s the boss, he can tell his people “I have a date with a wonderful lady, we’ll pick back up Monday”. Like attracts like as they say.

[Anonymous]

Just leave it for today, OP. You don’t owe him a text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

[Anonymous]

Don’t text today! If he was thinking about you he would have at least sent a quick Vday text.

[Anonymous]

If he had texted when he did and said "so sorry i was super busy and we never picked a spot! would you mind coming here, since i'll probably only watch the 1/2 of a game you're here for and then go back to work" or whatever... I'd be like, no sweat, he really got busy. But cancelling while admitting he has enough time to watch the game... but with you? Red flag. Don't respond. Or respond with something neutral like "hope everything got sorted." And wait to see what he says next. If he doesn't contact you today, he's not interested.

[Anonymous]

ok, so better plans for him fell into place for the super bowl. Maybe he did have a stressful work thing and wanted just to veg with friends to watch the game. You've only known him for 5 dates. it is bothering you bc of the correlation of having given it up and him not following through the mentioned plan. You are thinking worst case scenario (he wasn't into it) but it's probably more so bc he's not ready to put you as a priority. Ok, NOTED. I wouldn't explode the whole thing, but this is his strike one. If you want to see where this goes, just say something generic like, great halftime show! And leave it in his court to contact you. If he keeps on putting you on the back burner or pulls any more of these stunts (where you feel you're not a priority) then, there is your answer. At that moment in time, if it's a pattern (give him 2 more strikes) say, I like you but I need someone who will put me as a priority this point in my life. and end it. If it's a rose, it will bloom as they say and you can't force it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Whose fun are you talking about? It's obviously NOT fun for OP to sit until 4pm on the day of the date only to get a lame text.

And that's an ill advise to have conversation about being "super serious"; that type of conversation is never necessary with men who genuinely want to be with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

Agree…. Guy here, too.

[Anonymous]

I think the window of opportunity to respond is gone because of Valentines day. I wouldn’t respond, let him go. You deserve better than this and you know it.

And I agree m, he wasn’t watching alone or else he would have called you. Perhaps he didn’t like the fact that you had to leave half way through the game?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was watching the SB with friends. Maybe he wants to dial back from the intensity of it. Maybe it is awkward to acknowledge Valentines Day when you effed up the weekend plans. Dial it back. It really has only been 5 dates. Or reply. I don’t see the harm if you can keep your expectations in check. You’re too old for games.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT RESPOND. Do it for yourself and for other women. This is BS behavior. It will more than likely just continue. The beginning is when they are on their best behavior. So ask yourself, is this is his best can you handle it? Is there room for even less consideration in the future? You can let it play out just to see that it’s a pattern and then dump, but I would not respond either way.