Thought I was being ghosted after sex- but he texted- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

So much feedback and attention? That’s weird. I don’t consider it asking for a lot of feedback to either make or not make plans. If he didn’t want to meet up he should not have said he wanted to and discuss locations. He should reply I’m not sure I can due to work. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Responding to previous poster - he wasn’t disappearing prior intimacy. What out if sudden change ? I think the only response to this male behavior for women is to behave like men themselves, eg consider sex as bodily function like a sneeze

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

So much feedback and attention? That’s weird. I don’t consider it asking for a lot of feedback to either make or not make plans. If he didn’t want to meet up he should not have said he wanted to and discuss locations. He should reply I’m not sure I can due to work. End of story.

+1 OP wasn’t demanding feedback or attention. She simply wanted to know if their previously-made plans were still standing. 100% reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

Ruin an otherwise good thing? Not sure how good it can be when he chose to spend the time with someone else (it could be friends or another date).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

You're not being fair here and this is not how good people behave with their friends, lovers, family and work.
She could have made other plans if he didn't made any tentative plans with her. There is nothing demanding in expecting communication and touching base in those circumstances, not to mention they had sex.

[Anonymous]

What OP should have done, prior to being intimate, is made tentative plans to go to his place. Then you’d see how eager and responsive this guy can be.

OP, it’s been a few days, did the guy ever get in touch with you? My guess is he didn’t want the pressure of spending super bowl/day before valentines then Valentines with OP. To his mind probably too much too soon. Still an immature jerk move though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

Ruin an otherwise good thing? Not sure how good it can be when he chose to spend the time with someone else (it could be friends or another date).

Yeah doesn't sound like such a good thing when the guy is this careless about communication and plans. I'd probably give him one more chance but this would be a huge mark against him. Who has time for these games?

If you're just looking for some s*x when you can get it, then sure. If you're looking for normal adult interactions - meeting where you say you will, when you say you will, and decent communication - then, no. This guy's a stinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What OP should have done, prior to being intimate, is made tentative plans to go to his place. Then you’d see how eager and responsive this guy can be.

OP, it’s been a few days, did the guy ever get in touch with you? My guess is he didn’t want the pressure of spending super bowl/day before valentines then Valentines with OP. To his mind probably too much too soon. Still an immature jerk move though.

Too much too soon? That could have been easily avoided if he refrained from sleeping with her just before the Valentines

[Anonymous]

Love how guys think it’s no big deal for a woman to have sex with them on the third date but a courtesy call or text is way too much investment. This is not balanced at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how guys think it’s no big deal for a woman to have sex with them on the third date but a courtesy call or text is way too much investment. This is not balanced at all.

Yup. Good enough to have sex with but not good enough to watch a damn game with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

Most guys don't want a woman who can't make a plan and yet demand constant follow up texting -- after FIVE dates! Good luck to OP finding someone who wants to deal with that.

I guess then what most guys want is a woman who dates several men in parallel, without expectation of a specific plan with either guy, until they have "exclusivity" talk. Is that right?

I think guys want all sorts of things -- but what guys definitely do not want is someone who demands so much feedback and attention after 5 dates. It sounds like OP wants to ruin an otherwise good thing because she can't make plans or entertain herself for a night.

So much feedback and attention? That’s weird. I don’t consider it asking for a lot of feedback to either make or not make plans. If he didn’t want to meet up he should not have said he wanted to and discuss locations. He should reply I’m not sure I can due to work. End of story.

Didn't OP say he had already given her a heads up that he was having a crazy work situation?

[Anonymous]

What happened OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how guys think it’s no big deal for a woman to have sex with them on the third date but a courtesy call or text is way too much investment. This is not balanced at all.

Yup. Good enough to have sex with but not good enough to watch a damn game with.

And how is this the guy's problem? Op does not seem to know what she wants. The guy knew what he wanted, and he got it.

If a courtesy call after sex is mportant to Op, she should not be this casual about sex. If she waited until she knew him better, she would have known that he is not the kind to give courtesy calls.

Imagine wasting your energy trying to understand a guy who would not call you after sex. He is not worth your time, and until you understand this, you will keep falling for these sorts of men.