Thought I was being ghosted after sex- but he texted- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

OP: Ugh. I'd be sad if that was true. So do you think I should just not reply? Wait and see if he reaches out again?

[Anonymous]

Wait say you guys had a plan to watch the super bowl together? Were those firm plans? And then he just contacted you two hours before and didn’t even apologize for cancelling on you? This is not ok.

If you really like him, I’d have a convo in person about it. Explain cancelling without calling or apologizing isn’t cool.

[Anonymous]

This is basic courtesy. Not calling or texting to apologize if you need to suddenly cancel a planned social engagement ends the game. On one of the other threads everyone is discussing how we have never been more easily and constantly available. In 20 years I have never even had a friend who needed to cancel a coffee or attendance at any other event fail to let me know. If you made a habit of not showing up to wprk meetings without explanation the company would cut you loose. Why do we women accept behavior that is unacceptable in any other situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait say you guys had a plan to watch the super bowl together? Were those firm plans? And then he just contacted you two hours before and didn’t even apologize for cancelling on you? This is not ok.

If you really like him, I’d have a convo in person about it. Explain cancelling without calling or apologizing isn’t cool.

OP: we had talked multiple times about watching the game together, and where we should watch it (e.g., which bar). I had told him that I could watch with him through halftime and then I had to pick up my kids. So, as far I understood, we were definitely watching together- just hadn't decided on the location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

OP: Ugh. I'd be sad if that was true. So do you think I should just not reply? Wait and see if he reaches out again?

DP. It's Valentine's so today is definitely the day when he should contact you. It's a good test!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

OP: Ugh. I'd be sad if that was true. So do you think I should just not reply? Wait and see if he reaches out again?

DP. It's Valentine's so today is definitely the day when he should contact you. It's a good test!

OP: that thought did occur to me...maybe wait and see if he says happy valentine's day at all?

[Anonymous]

You need more information so I would continue seeing him and see if a pattern emerges. It wasn’t cool to not send you a quick text message but it’s possible he was just overwhelmed (although unlikely). This is dating, trying to figure out who someone really is. But I’d encourage you to actively date others while getting to know him. I find keeping options open until it’s starting to feel exclusive helps distract you from becoming too invested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went on 5 terrific dates with a really nice guy (we're both 40 and divorced), and after the 5th, he spent the night. He sent me a really nice message the next day and we talked on the phone daily afterward. We had planned to watch the Super Bowl together last night. I sent him a text on Saturday at 1pm and he never replied. I actually thought I was being ghosted.

Finally, he replied at 4pm yesterday (2 hours before the game), and said, "Hey I'm very sorry I missed you today, been drowned in this work emergency and trying to get everyone through it. I'll have the game on and being thinking of you tonight."

He founded a start-up company which I know can be crazy, and he did mention a work issue a few days prior, so I think it's legit. But don't appreciate the lack of communication.

I haven't responded yet. I do like him, but don't want to be taken for granted- especially so early on in the dating process and RIGHT after we slept together for the first time. How would you respond?

OMG, did you not get enough validation and attention on YBM?

[Anonymous]

I dunno, you had plans to watch part of Super Bowl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait say you guys had a plan to watch the super bowl together? Were those firm plans? And then he just contacted you two hours before and didn’t even apologize for cancelling on you? This is not ok.

If you really like him, I’d have a convo in person about it. Explain cancelling without calling or apologizing isn’t cool.

OP: we had talked multiple times about watching the game together, and where we should watch it (e.g., which bar). I had told him that I could watch with him through halftime and then I had to pick up my kids. So, as far I understood, we were definitely watching together- just hadn't decided on the location.

It sounds like the plans weren't that firm, and why would he want to watch half of the Super Bowl at a bar? I would just chill out about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

He was busy, but not with work. Who doesn't have 5 min to send a text? He can send it before going to sleep, while drinking his coffee, while driving (ask Siri to send it), while in the bathroom....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait say you guys had a plan to watch the super bowl together? Were those firm plans? And then he just contacted you two hours before and didn’t even apologize for cancelling on you? This is not ok.

If you really like him, I’d have a convo in person about it. Explain cancelling without calling or apologizing isn’t cool.

OP: we had talked multiple times about watching the game together, and where we should watch it (e.g., which bar). I had told him that I could watch with him through halftime and then I had to pick up my kids. So, as far I understood, we were definitely watching together- just hadn't decided on the location.

It sounds like the plans weren't that firm, and why would he want to watch half of the Super Bowl at a bar? I would just chill out about this.

I’m 11:12/11:34 PP. Firm plans or not, they’d talked about it and he was silent until a couple hours before the game. Not cool. If she responds at all she should let him know how she feels (I thought we had plans, am surprised I didn’t hear from you until a couple hours before the game, would’ve liked more notice, etc.)

[Anonymous]

My rule of thumb for these things is that if you're not sure how to handle it, don't. Don't feel the need to text anything. Sometimes time reveals either what you need/want to say, or what his actual intentions are. He may just have been busy handling a catastrophe, but as you say it's a bit odd not to text and follow up regarding your plans. So maybe just leave it and get busy with something else yourself.