Thought I was being ghosted after sex- but he texted- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

^ best advice. Don’t text him that it wasn’t cool etc. That would end it for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With kindness and understanding. Sounds legit. You won't know if he's going to stick around unless you give it more time. You sound nervous tho; if you equate sex with exclusivity (and some people do, I am one of them); I'd have that talk now to manage our own expectations going forward. Also wondering if you've been ghosted before; one day is not long to be out of touch.

It’s not just being out of touch for a day; they had plans, and he neglected to communicate to her that he would not be able to keep them. That’s rather inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

OP: Ugh. I'd be sad if that was true. So do you think I should just not reply? Wait and see if he reaches out again?

DP. It's Valentine's so today is definitely the day when he should contact you. It's a good test!

OP: that thought did occur to me...maybe wait and see if he says happy valentine's day at all?

Uh, yea he should have said it already. I slept with someone for the first time this weekend and he texted happy valentines day before I even woke up this morning. Sorry, OP. I think hte posters suggesting he was with someone else might be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

OP: Ugh. I'd be sad if that was true. So do you think I should just not reply? Wait and see if he reaches out again?

DP. It's Valentine's so today is definitely the day when he should contact you. It's a good test!

OP: that thought did occur to me...maybe wait and see if he says happy valentine's day at all?

I woke up to two v-day texts from guys I don't even like. Keep this guy at arm's length. It takes less than a minute to send a text and he's fallen down on the job twice so far.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

[Anonymous]

PP here - OP, keep us posted. I’m hoping you don’t respond at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. OP, this is a bad sign. Sounds like you had solid plans and he didn’t have the courtesy to provide notice (if he was busy he would’ve seen a cancel coming…….) and was super casual about it when he did, offering “thoughts of you” during the game? This is giving me player vibes, and I’d drop him if I were you. It probably won’t get better but if you want to find out, don’t respond to his text and see what he does. If he asks what’s up, tell him why you went MIA. His response to that will let you know if he’s worth another second of your time.

Agree with this. -signed a man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

+1. It takes 5 seconds to send an “Hey, I am so sorry - big work emergency! Call you later” text.

I wouldn’t provide the short response mentioned earlier (“hope it worked out”) and unfortunately I would not expect one back. He did ghost. He is not a quality man. I would not reach out again.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in your 40s, you’ve gotten to know one another, intimacy is not unexpected. There’s clearly something not right and you don’t have to put up with it! Thank you, next!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

+1. It takes 5 seconds to send an “Hey, I am so sorry - big work emergency! Call you later” text.

I wouldn’t provide the short response mentioned earlier (“hope it worked out”) and unfortunately I would not expect one back. He did ghost. He is not a quality man. I would not reach out again.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in your 40s, you’ve gotten to know one another, intimacy is not unexpected. There’s clearly something not right and you don’t have to put up with it! Thank you, next!

Sorry, that should say “I would provide a short response”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

+1. It takes 5 seconds to send an “Hey, I am so sorry - big work emergency! Call you later” text.

I wouldn’t provide the short response mentioned earlier (“hope it worked out”) and unfortunately I would not expect one back. He did ghost. He is not a quality man. I would not reach out again.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in your 40s, you’ve gotten to know one another, intimacy is not unexpected. There’s clearly something not right and you don’t have to put up with it! Thank you, next!

Sorry, that should say “I would provide a short response”

OP: Agree. Should I provide the short response today? Or wait until tomorrow (i.e., after Valentine's Day)?

[Anonymous]

I'd probably asked what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably asked what happened?

OP: I mean, I kind of already know what happened since he mentioned it a few days prior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

+1. It takes 5 seconds to send an “Hey, I am so sorry - big work emergency! Call you later” text.

I wouldn’t provide the short response mentioned earlier (“hope it worked out”) and unfortunately I would not expect one back. He did ghost. He is not a quality man. I would not reach out again.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in your 40s, you’ve gotten to know one another, intimacy is not unexpected. There’s clearly something not right and you don’t have to put up with it! Thank you, next!

Sorry, that should say “I would provide a short response”

OP: Agree. Should I provide the short response today? Or wait until tomorrow (i.e., after Valentine's Day)?

Do you want to get his attention? Then do Not respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP that you should not swallow your disappointment about the disrespect he showed you and say “I understand.” Nope, he doesn’t get understanding. At the same time, you are still getting to know each other and it IS awkward to have a “talk” so early on.

If you want to give him another chance (one more max!!) I think it’s okay to give it a beat, as you have, and say “Hope it worked out.” And leave it at that. The ball is in his court. Proceed with caution.

I think there is a distinct possibility you won’t hear from him again. He doesn’t want to be a *total* a-hole so he texted you at the last minute and acted oblivious that you might be owed an apology - so of course you would feel nuts if you confronted him now. It’s also possible that he’ll be back when his Plan A falls through. I don’t know - he didn’t call you SNF didn’t try to reschedule.

If it were me, it would be game over. I wouldn’t even text back. Maybe if he made a real effort to reconnect…but I don’t know

+1,000,000. Make a point. Do not reply. If you do, you look like a doormat.

+1. It takes 5 seconds to send an “Hey, I am so sorry - big work emergency! Call you later” text.

I wouldn’t provide the short response mentioned earlier (“hope it worked out”) and unfortunately I would not expect one back. He did ghost. He is not a quality man. I would not reach out again.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re in your 40s, you’ve gotten to know one another, intimacy is not unexpected. There’s clearly something not right and you don’t have to put up with it! Thank you, next!

Sorry, that should say “I would provide a short response”

OP: Agree. Should I provide the short response today? Or wait until tomorrow (i.e., after Valentine's Day)?

Do you want to get his attention? Then do Not respond.

[Anonymous]

NP. This seems to be the norm with dating in your 40s these days... it stinks. And it seems that's the only kind (or worse) of men out there. I am sure women do this too. It just hurts to be on the receiving end. No idea to avoid this or not be hurt by it.