Thought I was being ghosted after sex- but he texted- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how guys think it’s no big deal for a woman to have sex with them on the third date but a courtesy call or text is way too much investment. This is not balanced at all.

Yup. Good enough to have sex with but not good enough to watch a damn game with.

I mean, is it that big of a deal? Not calling would be more of an issue than canceling a plan to watch tv. What is OP really upset about? They had tentative plans and aren’t a couple. If the game was that big of a deal to her, or she wanted to be sure to see him she could have confirmed too. It sounds like things aren’t that serious. Sex is not a commitment. I’d be bummed it’s not taking off in her place, but I don’t think he did anything inherently wrong for where their at in dating. If she wants someone more available/attentive this prob isn’t the dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like Plan A for the game fell into place.

EXACTLY. I bet everything he texted is true: he was busy, will be thinking of you, but I can almost guarantee he’s not watching alone.

OP: Ugh. I'd be sad if that was true. So do you think I should just not reply? Wait and see if he reaches out again?

DP. It is true. It's probably not going to work out. You might as well be honest. Tell him to call you when he can be respectful and polite. It's rude to make plans and not even bother to take time to cancel them.

I bet he cancels scheduled business appointments when he cannot make them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is basic courtesy. Not calling or texting to apologize if you need to suddenly cancel a planned social engagement ends the game. On one of the other threads everyone is discussing how we have never been more easily and constantly available. In 20 years I have never even had a friend who needed to cancel a coffee or attendance at any other event fail to let me know. If you made a habit of not showing up to wprk meetings without explanation the company would cut you loose. Why do we women accept behavior that is unacceptable in any other situation?

+1. I wouldn't even do that to a friend, it's just incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are y’all kidding? 24 hours are in a day and it literally takes 2 seconds to tell someone that you won’t be making game etc. He’s lost some interest. Guy here.

I'm not a guy but I agree with this guy. I bet if more men responded they would agree with this guy too.

I think he was gung ho until you had sex. Then either he simply got what he wanted, or his mind wasn't blown by the sex and now his interest has cooled off. I would back way off and see what happens next. The ball should now be in his court. If he's a guy who will start becoming less communicative and less willing to keep plans you two had made already you need to find that out now.

I'm a guy. They have been on 5 dates. They made vague plans to watch half of the Super Bowl together. From his perspective, he may have thought she wasn't really interested in the game and thus no need to follow up quickly, especially if he's suddenly slammed with work. It might be that he is taking this all less seriously than OP, but if they are otherwise having a great time together, why throw it away over this? Why not just have fun? If she wants to make it super serious, she should have that conversation with the guy. But OP should be prepared to be disappointed because this guy may want a more relaxed situation than OP wants.

Honey. Most women do not want a situation where they are having casual sex with a guy who isn’t serious about them and blows them off at the last minute.

DP

Well OP must be the outlier because she did exactly that: she put herself in a situation where she is having casual sex with a guy who isn't serious about her and blows her off at the last minute.

And she is trying to make excuses for the guy. By doing so, she is increasing the likelihood of keeping herself in the situation. She must want this situation... or she must not know what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is basic courtesy. Not calling or texting to apologize if you need to suddenly cancel a planned social engagement ends the game. On one of the other threads everyone is discussing how we have never been more easily and constantly available. In 20 years I have never even had a friend who needed to cancel a coffee or attendance at any other event fail to let me know. If you made a habit of not showing up to wprk meetings without explanation the company would cut you loose. Why do we women accept behavior that is unacceptable in any other situation?

+1. I wouldn't even do that to a friend, it's just incredibly rude.

And women wonder how they end up marrying jerks. Who gives a guy like this a second chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is basic courtesy. Not calling or texting to apologize if you need to suddenly cancel a planned social engagement ends the game. On one of the other threads everyone is discussing how we have never been more easily and constantly available. In 20 years I have never even had a friend who needed to cancel a coffee or attendance at any other event fail to let me know. If you made a habit of not showing up to wprk meetings without explanation the company would cut you loose. Why do we women accept behavior that is unacceptable in any other situation?

+1. I wouldn't even do that to a friend, it's just incredibly rude.

And women wonder how they end up marrying jerks. Who gives a guy like this a second chance?

Women marry guys who aren’t that into them all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love how guys think it’s no big deal for a woman to have sex with them on the third date but a courtesy call or text is way too much investment. This is not balanced at all.

Yup. Good enough to have sex with but not good enough to watch a damn game with.

And how is this the guy's problem? Op does not seem to know what she wants. The guy knew what he wanted, and he got it.

If a courtesy call after sex is mportant to Op, she should not be this casual about sex. If she waited until she knew him better, she would have known that he is not the kind to give courtesy calls.

Imagine wasting your energy trying to understand a guy who would not call you after sex. He is not worth your time, and until you understand this, you will keep falling for these sorts of men.

The call I referred to is to cancel plans.

[Anonymous]

I liked a guy once, he was an engineer for NASA and looked like a movie star. He was very charming and sweet. We had sex and I never contacted him again or answered his calls. He was lousy at sex. No further interest despite his great qualities.

Happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I liked a guy once, he was an engineer for NASA and looked like a movie star. He was very charming and sweet. We had sex and I never contacted him again or answered his calls. He was lousy at sex. No further interest despite his great qualities.

Happens all the time.

Cool story, but this guy did contact OP again.
A woman has to be truly horrible at sex for a guy not to want to do it a few more times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I liked a guy once, he was an engineer for NASA and looked like a movie star. He was very charming and sweet. We had sex and I never contacted him again or answered his calls. He was lousy at sex. No further interest despite his great qualities.

Happens all the time.

Cool story, but this guy did contact OP again.
A woman has to be truly horrible at sex for a guy not to want to do it a few more times.

Maybe OP wasn't quite as lousy at it as my date was. I still think his interest diminished significantly most likely because the sex wasn't really what he likes. I don't ever have sex with a guy unless I really want to, and I get that lots of guys are not that discriminating.

[Anonymous]

Let's think this through--they had discussions about which bar to go to, but never decided on one. She told him she would have to leave at half time. So, what was he supposed to do, then? Stay at the bar by himself? Drive home and miss part of the game and the halftime show? That doesn't seem fun at all. I think he was invited to a friend's house to watch it, which seems reasonable. He could have given more notice, but they didn't have firm plans and the plan she wanted was lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I liked a guy once, he was an engineer for NASA and looked like a movie star. He was very charming and sweet. We had sex and I never contacted him again or answered his calls. He was lousy at sex. No further interest despite his great qualities.

Happens all the time.

Well then you lack manners and basic decency. You at least could’ve reached out to say you enjoyed getting to know him but felt more of a friendship connection, or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I liked a guy once, he was an engineer for NASA and looked like a movie star. He was very charming and sweet. We had sex and I never contacted him again or answered his calls. He was lousy at sex. No further interest despite his great qualities.

Happens all the time.

Well then you lack manners and basic decency. You at least could’ve reached out to say you enjoyed getting to know him but felt more of a friendship connection, or something like that.

Well, I’m going to remove the basic decency part, that was over the top. But I’m sticking to the manners part.

[Anonymous]

OP never returned, did she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is basic courtesy. Not calling or texting to apologize if you need to suddenly cancel a planned social engagement ends the game. On one of the other threads everyone is discussing how we have never been more easily and constantly available. In 20 years I have never even had a friend who needed to cancel a coffee or attendance at any other event fail to let me know. If you made a habit of not showing up to wprk meetings without explanation the company would cut you loose. Why do we women accept behavior that is unacceptable in any other situation?

+1. I wouldn't even do that to a friend, it's just incredibly rude.

And women wonder how they end up marrying jerks. Who gives a guy like this a second chance?

Women marry guys who aren’t that into them all the time.

They shouldn't.