Estranged parents and adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree w/you OP…..this is an extreme action to take on her part.

Her therapist obviously does not have your daughter’s best interests in mind if she is encouraging her to estrange herself from her entire family.
What the…..??! 🙄

The reason for your daughter doing this is completely selfish.
She knows that she can treat you like dirt - but due to your unconditional love for her you will always be there for her when she needs you to be.
I personally feel that she is taking your love for granted.

I am speaking of this from the POV that I didn’t have my own Mother there for me when I was younger & wished I had.
Some people do not realize how blessed they are to have a family’s unconditional love.

Your relationship is mutual > definitely a two-way street.
One person only cannot direct the narrative.

Okay, so your daughter wants a “break” from you.
That is her decision to make.
But when she decides that she is “ready” to engage w/you again, based on her own timeline…..she needs to understand the dynamic in your relationship will likely be adversely affected.
It will be hard for you to trust her on a full scale as she may decide later on she will need another “respite” from your relationship.

It pains me to see someone who is truly blessed w/a loving family decide on their own terms what direction to take.
They know that they can treat their family member unfairly + that in the end their family will be there through thick & thin.
Not everyone can be so lucky.

Oh and since she will be cutting you off ->> you would be a fool to continue handing her money.
Please do not.

So sorry this is happening to you.

OP here. Thanks for these words. Im sorry what you've been through too. I also think my daughter needs to be exposed to the outside world a little more. But I have also spent hours with her talking about her childhood etc. My husband does not have the patience for 3 hour conversations with her dredging through the trauma if her childhood. She does say I was too much of a fixer and didn't spend enough time talking to her about her feelings. She must have a point. We would talk about feelings growing up but I was more of a problem solver so it became what's our solution to this childhood challenge you're facing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

[Anonymous]

OP here. One thing she told me. After one if our marathon conversations, where I apologized for my shortcomings, I asked her if as a child she felt loved by us. She looked puzzled and said of course. Then she said that just because she was loved that doesn't negate or help anything. O didn't mean that it makes everything ok
But I told her that if she felt loved then that was one major silver lining in her childhood. She seemed dismissive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree w/you OP…..this is an extreme action to take on her part.

Her therapist obviously does not have your daughter’s best interests in mind if she is encouraging her to estrange herself from her entire family.
What the…..??! 🙄

The reason for your daughter doing this is completely selfish.
She knows that she can treat you like dirt - but due to your unconditional love for her you will always be there for her when she needs you to be.
I personally feel that she is taking your love for granted.

I am speaking of this from the POV that I didn’t have my own Mother there for me when I was younger & wished I had.
Some people do not realize how blessed they are to have a family’s unconditional love.

Your relationship is mutual > definitely a two-way street.
One person only cannot direct the narrative.

Okay, so your daughter wants a “break” from you.
That is her decision to make.
But when she decides that she is “ready” to engage w/you again, based on her own timeline…..she needs to understand the dynamic in your relationship will likely be adversely affected.
It will be hard for you to trust her on a full scale as she may decide later on she will need another “respite” from your relationship.

It pains me to see someone who is truly blessed w/a loving family decide on their own terms what direction to take.
They know that they can treat their family member unfairly + that in the end their family will be there through thick & thin.
Not everyone can be so lucky.

Oh and since she will be cutting you off ->> you would be a fool to continue handing her money.
Please do not.

So sorry this is happening to you.

OP here. Thanks for these words. Im sorry what you've been through too. I also think my daughter needs to be exposed to the outside world a little more. But I have also spent hours with her talking about her childhood etc. My husband does not have the patience for 3 hour conversations with her dredging through the trauma if her childhood. She does say I was too much of a fixer and didn't spend enough time talking to her about her feelings. She must have a point. We would talk about feelings growing up but I was more of a problem solver so it became what's our solution to this childhood challenge you're facing.

I'm sorry, OP. I agree that exposure to the outside world will probably help her realize just how loved she was/is. One piece of advice: Do not tell her that "you tried your best." That is seen by young adults as "an excuse" that allowed you to not put any self-reflection or thought into how you were parenting. And it sounds like you were/are fabulous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

Omg. OP here. That was one of her complaints to me that I made her clean her room once a week. Not mommy dearest clean. Just pickup. I stopped making her clean her room by the time she was 15. But she told me that was me not respecting her childhood boundaries. I was shocked. By the way she's always cleaning her to herself now. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 28 year old sister is doing this with my parents right now. My parents were far from perfect, but this is more about her personal healing than it is about them. And they (and you) need to respect that. If you don't, you risk losing her forever.

OP here. Agreed, you can't argue with someone how they feel. This is her narrative. And one has to respect it. But it is still bizarre. Things definitely got worse after counseling.

Who knows what she told the therapist. Or how good the therapist even is. They can really make some messes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

When they say damaged is this basically to give allowance to their own bad behavior? Being damaged didn't used to be terribly popular. No wonder the marriage rate is declining. Everyone is damaged. No one can find an undamaged spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

how can they save each other if they are all damaged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

When they say damaged is this basically to give allowance to their own bad behavior? Being damaged didn't used to be terribly popular. No wonder the marriage rate is declining. Everyone is damaged. No one can find an undamaged spouse.

They aren't excusing their own bad behavior so much as trying to find out why they feel sad sometimes or scattered or why things don't work out like they expected. Also playing into this dynamic are the portrayals of perfection they see on other social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

how can they save each other if they are all damaged?

By processing their trauma together on TikTok, of course. Don't try to make sense of it. I think it just needs to run it's course until these kids grow up a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

Omg. OP here. That was one of her complaints to me that I made her clean her room once a week. Not mommy dearest clean. Just pickup. I stopped making her clean her room by the time she was 15. But she told me that was me not respecting her childhood boundaries. I was shocked. By the way she's always cleaning her to herself now. Go figure.

I once had a young person tell me that her parents asking where she was going when she left the house (she's 16) was "denying her agency."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

Omg. OP here. That was one of her complaints to me that I made her clean her room once a week. Not mommy dearest clean. Just pickup. I stopped making her clean her room by the time she was 15. But she told me that was me not respecting her childhood boundaries. I was shocked. By the way she's always cleaning her to herself now. Go figure.

I once had a young person tell me that her parents asking where she was going when she left the house (she's 16) was "denying her agency."

WTH????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

When they say damaged is this basically to give allowance to their own bad behavior? Being damaged didn't used to be terribly popular. No wonder the marriage rate is declining. Everyone is damaged. No one can find an undamaged spouse.

New age Affirmative Therapy at $200 an hour is really not working. It’s devastating everyone in its wake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you spend any time browsing TiKTok you know this is a brewing crisis. Kids are co-opting therapy-speak to blame parents for the normal rough patches of adolescence and young adulthood. Parents they don't agree with are labeled "toxic" or narcissists. Normal trials of growing up are labeled "trauma," and in the interest of "boundaries" kids are cutting family off completely.

I'm all in favor of young people being aware of mental health issues, but it's being twisted into blaming others for anything that doesn't go right in their life. Anyone with a kid between the ages of 10 and 20 should be prepared for it to happen.

OP my daughter lives til tok and has told me that the generational trauma etc and things she is facing, that tons of people her age are going through this crisis. She's sent me tik toks that echo these sentiments. It becomes an echo chamber.

Yup. They are all convinced and convincing each other that they've been horribly damaged by their parents.

Who do they think is going to save them?

The reality is they have been coddled and can't handle trauma.

They are going to save each other through TikTok, of course. And therapists are making bank. And it's not necessarily coddling that does it. I have literally heard young adults saying their parents made them clean their rooms because "they were narcissists and the appearance of the house was more important than my needs." Any parenting they don't agree with is "toxic" and has left them damaged.

Omg. OP here. That was one of her complaints to me that I made her clean her room once a week. Not mommy dearest clean. Just pickup. I stopped making her clean her room by the time she was 15. But she told me that was me not respecting her childhood boundaries. I was shocked. By the way she's always cleaning her to herself now. Go figure.

I once had a young person tell me that her parents asking where she was going when she left the house (she's 16) was "denying her agency."

WTH????

How woke and progressive.