I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

You are easily manipulated because you lack critical thinking skills. To compare a PTA dispute to a job where you get reviewed and paid for your performance is laughable. And to compare a parent child relationship to two adults working together on some unimportant PYA project is pathetic. Are you an adult?

Same question.

Lots of misguided conflating of basic concepts and relationships by OP troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

So if you don't feel personally attacked by this thread topic, you are spending your Saturday posting extensively in this thread because... why?

No one would get this invested in this topic if their actual response to the OP was "huh, I have never encountered that, how strange." You are responding defensively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

Well done.

But I’m still of the mindset that OP is the DCUM troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

Is this a joke? I didn't submit time reports because my boss made me. I did it because I wanted to get paid. Then there came a time when I didn't want to fill out time reports anymore, so I quit and went to a job where we didn't have to fill them out to get paid.

You just described leverage. You also didn't submit them because you just love filling out time reports. You did them because if you didn't there would be consequences. That's HOW your boss got you to do an annoying administrative task. No one likes doing it, but people always do.

Social manipulators are good at finding leverage like that. There was a recent thread where the OP was talking about a parent at her school who would bad mouth other moms if they did push their kids to play with hers. Something like that shouldn't work but sometimes it does because people are risk averse and just don't want to deal with something like that when it might impact their kids negatively. It's easier to just be extra nice to that one mom to avoid getting on her bad side. But it's similar to the reason you do your time reports -- it's annoying and you don't really want to, but it's just easier to do them then deal with the negative consequences if you don't.

Hey dip$hits who don’t understand basic business models or “leverage.”

You submit time sheets so you bill clients correctly and have an accounting record of work and hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

Touche

[Anonymous]

I am curious about what precise details in the OP are making people so mad, since many of the details are actually complimentary or neutral (who wouldn't want a good family, to be highly accomplished, well off, and socially adept?).

My money is on the description of the DH as bro-y but dense, and the suggestion that such women only have hangers-on and social rivals but lack real friendships. The DH description is likely hitting too close to home for comfort (describes so many husbands of UMC women, and women are particularly sensitive to criticisms of their partner, as they feel it reflects back on them), and the thing about friendships is very likely to trigger insecurity because very few women actually have meaningful, close friendships with other women, although this is the ideal that everyone is expected to strive for.

Also assuming some people have been called out for some of these specific behaviors before, especially gossip but likely also the pushy advice giving, and even if they don't actually fit this archetype, are responding defensively to that. I have known many women who gossip or who overreach on advice giving, without being these sort of Type A social manipulators. They are not good qualities but also everyone has flaws and hopefully most people who do this stuff realize it's hurtful or obnoxious and stop as they get older. I feel like these behaviors peaked in my social circle maybe mid 30s, and now in my 40s people are too tired and focused on their own challenges to engage in them

But yeah, if you are reading this description and just getting very incensed by it, it's probably not because there's nothing in it that describes you. The post is triggering these very aggressive responses because there is quite a bit of truth in it, even if for most people the truths are only partial and most people are not this full package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring).

Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature").

Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park.

Has two kinds of friends:
(1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and
(2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them.

I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this.

If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Wow OP, you sure got her all figured it! Her spouse, her childhood, her friends, and that these types are all over DC. So omniscient.

You start by saying typical stuff like Type A, involved, and high achieving- indeed found everywhere in big cities- then go on to describe a busy person who’s an idiot. Weird.

This post is hilarious on so many levels.

So odd that this type wastes time trying to be your friend or help you. Most busy high achieving people don’t like to waste their limited time.

This this PP. It answers the question why OP is so contradictory and odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring).

Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature").

Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park.

Has two kinds of friends:
(1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and
(2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them.

I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this.

If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Troll outs herself multiple ways in the bold and underlined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about what precise details in the OP are making people so mad, since many of the details are actually complimentary or neutral (who wouldn't want a good family, to be highly accomplished, well off, and socially adept?).

My money is on the description of the DH as bro-y but dense, and the suggestion that such women only have hangers-on and social rivals but lack real friendships. The DH description is likely hitting too close to home for comfort (describes so many husbands of UMC women, and women are particularly sensitive to criticisms of their partner, as they feel it reflects back on them), and the thing about friendships is very likely to trigger insecurity because very few women actually have meaningful, close friendships with other women, although this is the ideal that everyone is expected to strive for.

Also assuming some people have been called out for some of these specific behaviors before, especially gossip but likely also the pushy advice giving, and even if they don't actually fit this archetype, are responding defensively to that. I have known many women who gossip or who overreach on advice giving, without being these sort of Type A social manipulators. They are not good qualities but also everyone has flaws and hopefully most people who do this stuff realize it's hurtful or obnoxious and stop as they get older. I feel like these behaviors peaked in my social circle maybe mid 30s, and now in my 40s people are too tired and focused on their own challenges to engage in them

But yeah, if you are reading this description and just getting very incensed by it, it's probably not because there's nothing in it that describes you. The post is triggering these very aggressive responses because there is quite a bit of truth in it, even if for most people the truths are only partial and most people are not this full package.

Troll sock puppet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring).

Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature").

Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park.

Has two kinds of friends:
(1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and
(2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them.

I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this.

If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Troll outs herself multiple ways in the bold and underlined.

It is wild to watch people just absolutely pouring over every word in the OP like it was addressed directly to them by someone they know. Just, wow.

This is the definition of "triggered".

[Anonymous]

EOTP. Seriously night and day when you cross RCP. Even more so if you’re east of Georgia Avenue.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anyone like this but probably because I have a small social circle and don’t socialize much due to work and family obligations. I volunteer for exactly one in classroom event per kid per year. No more. I will donate money to PTA if asked but I just don’t have time to go to places where people like this are.

[Anonymous]

On average, you will do better with this if you spend WAY less time around white women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

The fact that you felt comfortable posting something that makes fun of fat people, people from dysfunctional families, people who struggle with friendship, etc., indicates that you are precisely the kind of person this thread is about. This is mean in a way the OP was very much not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

So if you don't feel personally attacked by this thread topic, you are spending your Saturday posting extensively in this thread because... why?

No one would get this invested in this topic if their actual response to the OP was "huh, I have never encountered that, how strange." You are responding defensively.

And why shouldn’t I defend the women OP is trying to ridicule or diminish? Sure, I’m standing up for women whose crime is seemingly to exist, and be more popular, essential, successful and relevant than OP.