I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it.

She gets a lot done?

Why would she “dote on” you or give you advice? What’s that mean you are her minion, she orders you around at school or the pool or work or what?

Have you ever known someone who seems to take a special interest in you when you meet, paying you lots of compliments on your appearance or a clever comment or just comes on a little strong in a flattering way? Like after a couple weeks of working together they are effusively expressing how much they like you and how great you are? Maybe they talk you up to others to, maybe they randomly do nice things for you without you asking, like pay attention to your coffee order and then surprise you with it, or buy you a little gift for no reason.

But then you notice they start asking you for little favors? At first little stuff like can you swing by and pick me up on the way to happy hour? Maybe asking to borrow a dress or something. And even if you want to say no (maybe you were planning on taking an uber to the HH, or it's your favorite dress and you don't generally loan out clothes), you remember how nice they are to you and all the times they've said such pleasant things about you and complimented you, and so you say yes out of a sense of wanting to be reciprocal. Or maybe you say no and they talk you into it ("oh that's no problem, can you just have the uber swing by my place? it's right on the way" even if maybe it's only sort of on the way). But then the asks start escalating and they aren't as nice about it, in fact sometimes they sound kind of like orders.

Perhaps you notice this shift and start pulling back and saying no. And this will result in all those compliments and the friendliness from before disappearing, and then you'll hear through the grapevine they said something kind of mean or hurtful about you to other people, and you'll notice their demeanor towards you will shift and maybe they'll even start saying kind of critical or snarky things to your face. If you seem bothered, they'll roll their eyes and say they were kidding. After all, friends tease each other. You're not oversensitive, are you?

That's what it looks like when someone like this tries to turn you into a "minion." There are therapist words for some of this behavior but this is the gist of it. It is not pleasant and can feel especially harmful when this person is your boss or a colleague, part of your main social circle, or in your family.

DP: Ooof. Yes. But these are not type-A high achievers liked described in the OP. They are mentally ill, manipulative narcissists. You have to learn to spot them and quickly retreat, and perfect the Heisman manuever for the really pushy ones. The very first time you get obviously fake flattery, retreat. The very first awkward gift, retreat. You do not want or need to be in that circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it.

She gets a lot done?

Why would she “dote on” you or give you advice? What’s that mean you are her minion, she orders you around at school or the pool or work or what?

Have you ever known someone who seems to take a special interest in you when you meet, paying you lots of compliments on your appearance or a clever comment or just comes on a little strong in a flattering way? Like after a couple weeks of working together they are effusively expressing how much they like you and how great you are? Maybe they talk you up to others to, maybe they randomly do nice things for you without you asking, like pay attention to your coffee order and then surprise you with it, or buy you a little gift for no reason.

But then you notice they start asking you for little favors? At first little stuff like can you swing by and pick me up on the way to happy hour? Maybe asking to borrow a dress or something. And even if you want to say no (maybe you were planning on taking an uber to the HH, or it's your favorite dress and you don't generally loan out clothes), you remember how nice they are to you and all the times they've said such pleasant things about you and complimented you, and so you say yes out of a sense of wanting to be reciprocal. Or maybe you say no and they talk you into it ("oh that's no problem, can you just have the uber swing by my place? it's right on the way" even if maybe it's only sort of on the way). But then the asks start escalating and they aren't as nice about it, in fact sometimes they sound kind of like orders.

Perhaps you notice this shift and start pulling back and saying no. And this will result in all those compliments and the friendliness from before disappearing, and then you'll hear through the grapevine they said something kind of mean or hurtful about you to other people, and you'll notice their demeanor towards you will shift and maybe they'll even start saying kind of critical or snarky things to your face. If you seem bothered, they'll roll their eyes and say they were kidding. After all, friends tease each other. You're not oversensitive, are you?

That's what it looks like when someone like this tries to turn you into a "minion." There are therapist words for some of this behavior but this is the gist of it. It is not pleasant and can feel especially harmful when this person is your boss or a colleague, part of your main social circle, or in your family.

DP: Ooof. Yes. But these are not type-A high achievers liked described in the OP. They are mentally ill, manipulative narcissists.

You have to learn to spot them and quickly retreat, and perfect the Heisman manuever for the really pushy ones. The very first time you get obviously fake flattery, retreat. The very first awkward gift, retreat. You do not want or need to be in that circle.

Agree

The one I know went butt kissing to all the childless aunts to take over estate settlements - she has adhd and 3 kids so that’ll work well - and then she went after 100% of the inheritances- cutting out her siblings and her spouses siblings from that side’s aunts too.

She did it by mailing her smushy love letters to the elders and stopping by their house once a year telling them how much she cares about them.

Be careful if there’s this type in your family!

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read 19 pages of this thread but I dont have anyone like this in my life. I grew up in the Midwest, worked in international public health until Trump and Musk ruined my career and live in Takoma Park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

You are easily manipulated because you lack critical thinking skills. To compare a PTA dispute to a job where you get reviewed and paid for your performance is laughable. And to compare a parent child relationship to two adults working together on some unimportant PYA project is pathetic. Are you an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

Is this a joke? I didn't submit time reports because my boss made me. I did it because I wanted to get paid. Then there came a time when I didn't want to fill out time reports anymore, so I quit and went to a job where we didn't have to fill them out to get paid.

[Anonymous]

I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

DP. What a nasty post. Why did OP trigger such meanness in you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

DP. What a nasty post. Why did OP trigger such meanness in you?

The OP was a nasty post, so here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

Is this a joke? I didn't submit time reports because my boss made me. I did it because I wanted to get paid. Then there came a time when I didn't want to fill out time reports anymore, so I quit and went to a job where we didn't have to fill them out to get paid.

You just described leverage. You also didn't submit them because you just love filling out time reports. You did them because if you didn't there would be consequences. That's HOW your boss got you to do an annoying administrative task. No one likes doing it, but people always do.

Social manipulators are good at finding leverage like that. There was a recent thread where the OP was talking about a parent at her school who would bad mouth other moms if they did push their kids to play with hers. Something like that shouldn't work but sometimes it does because people are risk averse and just don't want to deal with something like that when it might impact their kids negatively. It's easier to just be extra nice to that one mom to avoid getting on her bad side. But it's similar to the reason you do your time reports -- it's annoying and you don't really want to, but it's just easier to do them then deal with the negative consequences if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

DP. What a nasty post. Why did OP trigger such meanness in you?

OP here and it's nice of you to defend me but I don't feel called out by this because it doesn't describe me. I do find it bizarre my post made someone angry enough to write this though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in D.C. for more than two decades, and I keep meeting women like the OP: forgettable personality, bare-minimum achiever (think used to make $85K and then became a SAHM), from a loser family and is therefore very jealous of good families, married to a Beta, low earner who no woman would ever want to take to bed.

This type is not intelligent or interesting enough to make friends or have a good time in social settings. Doesn’t have friends, so can only gossip/talk $hit about other women on anonymous online forums. Comes off as bland and like a Stage Five Clinger, so most secure, valuable women avoid her at all costs. Awkward and fake-shy/fake-nice to cover up the fact that she is enraged she isn’t funny, popular, smart, beautiful or successful by any measure.

Blandly volunteers and contributes nothing to any setting—work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular jazzercize studio (she’s too fat for barre) a wedding party, the dog park.

Has no friends and therefore judges and sneers at other types of female friendships, social circuses and groups of women. No one looks up to her or wants to engage with her.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in D.C., and I would like to minimize my exposure to them. I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to Single White Female me, or will just cowardly talk about me and functional adult women behind our backs. I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's unpaid social director or companion.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just cling and glom onto you, or their jealousy will overtake them, and they will run to DCUM to yap about you with not enough paragraph breaks.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in D.C. where there isn't a woman like this. If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from D.C. help? If so, where?

DP. What a nasty post. Why did OP trigger such meanness in you?

OP here and it's nice of you to defend me but I don't feel called out by this because it doesn't describe me. I do find it bizarre my post made someone angry enough to write this though.

Maybe reflect on the fact that the women you are writing about wouldn’t feel called out by your judgmental, nasty, bizarre post either, OP, because it doesn’t describe them.

The More You Know…

[Anonymous]

NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU NEED TO LEAVE THE AREA. No other options OP.

I appreciate the bluntness. But where?

I'm genuinely asking. I do sometimes think I just am ill suited to the DC area because this annoys me so much and it feels like a very common personality type here. I can't just pick up and leave as I have a job and kids and a spouse. But I am open to thinking about it. Some people say there are people like this everywhere. Is that true? I am not from this area and did not encounter people like this prior to moving here for work.

Basically anywhere with money will have this. It's the spoiled rich alpha female archetype. In working class areas these "forces of nature" are mama bears who are easier to deflect because they always have personal problems.

But not everyone like this is rich. They just have leverage. Even in a wealthy community, you don't necessarily need wealth to be like this. I think of the way some of the rich ladies at my barre studio will clamor over certain instructors, and how some of those instructors use that popularity to get stuff they want out of those ladies. Maybe the instructor is very charismatic and good at her job, or maybe it's a hot guy who knows these women love getting attention and compliments from him.

All you need is leverage. Of course, that's if your goal is to manipulate and dominate people. Plenty of people don't think in these terms and might even have leverage they never use in this way. It's a certain personality type who is maybe high on the narcissism scale, low on the empathy scale, and enjoys the high they get in making people do what they want.

Someone can’t make you do what they want, when it’s BS like this and no gun involved.

Yall need to grow up.

And if you have some great idea and plan for a fundraiser or school thing or Pilates class, then speak up.

Of course they can. That's what leverage is -- a way to get someone to do what you want.

People in positions of power/authority do it all the time. How do parents get their kids to clean their rooms? How does my boss get me to submit time reports? And so on. And sometimes people use social pressure, or the threat of negative social consequences, to get people to do things. That may or be more or less effective depending on who they are and what the consequences might be, but I bet you have done things you didn't want to do because of social pressure. Most people have.

Nothing major. Nothing to write home about.

Maybe buying my neighbor’s $20 Boy Scout popcorn, or having to buy some silly parent costume for a kid’s elementary school graduation. Or those absurd meals with a couple who over-order apps, drinks and highest price menu options and then tell the table to split the bill.

Again some is just courtesy, others are bad agents and easy to avoid next time.

Work is work. Do your job or find another one.



What social pressures is an adult like OP under right now?