I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is living in your head and why, Op.

What a weirdly specific rant.

FOUND ANOTHER ONE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. Our immediate neighborhood has one of these (you nailed the description) and it makes me want to move. I haven’t found too many people to be friends with, or they generally move away.

OP here. Our neighborhood is really diverse so it kind of amazes me how often I wind up in proximity to women like this but it pretty much always happens. Right now my elementary-age kid attends a school (local public) where two such women are engaged in a weird battle for control of the PTA and one of them keeps trying to adopt me to her side even though I'm not super into the PTA and it's so uncomfortable and weird. I am getting tired of just always plastering a smile on my face at school events and then trying to duck out early to avoid running into either of them or winding up in a conversation with another parent who wants to discuss this dumb battle. I just don't care. But it also means it's hard to make friends at the school because so much revolves around these women who suck all the air out of every room.

Try more international school. I've made really good parents friends at WIS and the environment wasn't like that. But heard similar stories about Cathedral and other very "DC elite" privates

[Anonymous]

Sounds exhausting. I'm from a doting family and married to a kind man and volunteer a ton. But I don't have minions or frenemies and gossiping is exhausting and useless. I have a lovely number of neighbor and mom and organization communities where we just try to do things together. None of this "wrestling control". It's enough that we get people to volunteer time to help with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds exhausting. I'm from a doting family and married to a kind man and volunteer a ton. But I don't have minions or frenemies and gossiping is exhausting and useless. I have a lovely number of neighbor and mom and organization communities where we just try to do things together. None of this "wrestling control". It's enough that we get people to volunteer time to help with anything.

Are you a "force of nature" tho? Are you always trying to make things happen? You may actually be one of these women.

[Anonymous]

You must be the frenemy (not the minion) because I've lived in DC since the mid-90s and never once have encountered this type of woman, except possibly from afar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. Our immediate neighborhood has one of these (you nailed the description) and it makes me want to move. I haven’t found too many people to be friends with, or they generally move away.

OP here. Our neighborhood is really diverse so it kind of amazes me how often I wind up in proximity to women like this but it pretty much always happens. Right now my elementary-age kid attends a school (local public) where two such women are engaged in a weird battle for control of the PTA and one of them keeps trying to adopt me to her side even though I'm not super into the PTA and it's so uncomfortable and weird. I am getting tired of just always plastering a smile on my face at school events and then trying to duck out early to avoid running into either of them or winding up in a conversation with another parent who wants to discuss this dumb battle. I just don't care. But it also means it's hard to make friends at the school because so much revolves around these women who suck all the air out of every room.

So I would suggest approaching the group of these women and loudly, obnoxiously and very confidently stating your position, supported by references to the latest data on PTO. Then leave the scene, not allowing them to process and go into a brawl with you. Rinse and repeat on other subjects particular if they are focused on something really stupid. Do it in front of their husbands and offer "to help". They will learn to respect

[Anonymous]

Ah, yes, the competitive DC sanctimommy. Always first to kiss an ass if there are social points involved, will humblebrag you to death, and frequently "helpful" in ways that are nothing but condescending twattery.

How to avoid: Go somewhere volunteers are expected to perform a meaningful service, not just show off. The PTA is obviously out (PTAs are known mommymartyr showcases). Try sorting clothes at A Wider Circle or serving food at SOME (So Others Might Eat). Don't go anywhere the volunteers are there to specifically help those in leadership/power positions (again, think of the PTA and whose asses are getting kissed). Avoid anywhere that's a photo op, or somewhere volunteers get recognition beyond a simple "thank you".

But honestly? In this area, they're hard to avoid. Your best bet is to learn to ignore, but reserve an ice-cold burn or cut for when they pipe off. Understand that they're going to talk about you anyway and be willing to weaponize it. Calling them out just calls in their flying monkeys. You have to 'bless your heart' them, excessively, in public, in a way that points out what fake-ass nonsense they are full of. Do it right, and they'll start kissing YOUR ass, just to shut you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. Our immediate neighborhood has one of these (you nailed the description) and it makes me want to move. I haven’t found too many people to be friends with, or they generally move away.

OP here. Our neighborhood is really diverse so it kind of amazes me how often I wind up in proximity to women like this but it pretty much always happens. Right now my elementary-age kid attends a school (local public) where two such women are engaged in a weird battle for control of the PTA and one of them keeps trying to adopt me to her side even though I'm not super into the PTA and it's so uncomfortable and weird. I am getting tired of just always plastering a smile on my face at school events and then trying to duck out early to avoid running into either of them or winding up in a conversation with another parent who wants to discuss this dumb battle. I just don't care. But it also means it's hard to make friends at the school because so much revolves around these women who suck all the air out of every room.

So I would suggest approaching the group of these women and loudly, obnoxiously and very confidently stating your position, supported by references to the latest data on PTO. Then leave the scene, not allowing them to process and go into a brawl with you. Rinse and repeat on other subjects particular if they are focused on something really stupid. Do it in front of their husbands and offer "to help". They will learn to respect

What about if you don't have an opinion because you don't think any of the stuff they are arguing over matters at all?

[Anonymous]

Steal their bro husband. That will shut them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, yes, the competitive DC sanctimommy. Always first to kiss an ass if there are social points involved, will humblebrag you to death, and frequently "helpful" in ways that are nothing but condescending twattery.

How to avoid: Go somewhere volunteers are expected to perform a meaningful service, not just show off. The PTA is obviously out (PTAs are known mommymartyr showcases). Try sorting clothes at A Wider Circle or serving food at SOME (So Others Might Eat). Don't go anywhere the volunteers are there to specifically help those in leadership/power positions (again, think of the PTA and whose asses are getting kissed). Avoid anywhere that's a photo op, or somewhere volunteers get recognition beyond a simple "thank you".

But honestly? In this area, they're hard to avoid. Your best bet is to learn to ignore, but reserve an ice-cold burn or cut for when they pipe off. Understand that they're going to talk about you anyway and be willing to weaponize it. Calling them out just calls in their flying monkeys. You have to 'bless your heart' them, excessively, in public, in a way that points out what fake-ass nonsense they are full of. Do it right, and they'll start kissing YOUR ass, just to shut you up.

Great ideas. You write very well. Is that your profession? (Honest respect, not sarcastic.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is living in your head and why, Op.

What a weirdly specific rant.

Weirdly specific and yet I immediately thought of almost 10 women I know in DC who fit it, to a tee. Down to the doting parents and bro-y husband. "Forceful" is definitely a euphemism.

Oh yes. this resonates. I feel like in my 20 years here, I have figured out how to give these women just enough attention and positive feedback but not too much to 1. not go on their enemies list and 2. not have to do anything for them.

"wow, good idea Karen!" then when she sends a text asking you to do something, you just don't respond for a couple days. Maybe a few days later send something like "sorry i missed this, hope it all worked out!"

stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds exhausting. I'm from a doting family and married to a kind man and volunteer a ton. But I don't have minions or frenemies and gossiping is exhausting and useless. I have a lovely number of neighbor and mom and organization communities where we just try to do things together. None of this "wrestling control". It's enough that we get people to volunteer time to help with anything.

Are you a "force of nature" tho? Are you always trying to make things happen? You may actually be one of these women.

lol. Not a force of anything. Trying to hold my own life together and contribute how I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Found one what? What the hell are you on about? It's like you think people get what you mean or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

Lol, found one.

Exactly. They're gonna be ALL up in this thread with their particular brand of insult gaslighting

Who is "they" and why are you sock puppeting?