I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EOTP. Seriously night and day when you cross RCP. Even more so if you’re east of Georgia Avenue.

Yep. In Montgomery county just be east of Georgia as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

So if you don't feel personally attacked by this thread topic, you are spending your Saturday posting extensively in this thread because... why?

No one would get this invested in this topic if their actual response to the OP was "huh, I have never encountered that, how strange." You are responding defensively.

And why shouldn’t I defend the women OP is trying to ridicule or diminish? Sure, I’m standing up for women whose crime is seemingly to exist, and be more popular, essential, successful and relevant than OP.

I thought your claim is that such women don't exist.

And why would anyone "popular, essential, successful, and relevant" need to be defended in a weekend thread on DCUM? The woman you describe would be 100% fine without your intervention.

[Anonymous]

I think what happens is sh*t needs to get done, so people ask people who have done the sh*t before successfully. Are they the nicest women you’d want to be friends with? Maybe not always. But they are there, doing things that benefit the community. Do they get a big head, are they rich enough that they have time to spare? Yes, often yes. This is the price of asking the quintessential PTA Mom or Church Lady to run things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what happens is sh*t needs to get done, so people ask people who have done the sh*t before successfully. Are they the nicest women you’d want to be friends with? Maybe not always. But they are there, doing things that benefit the community. Do they get a big head, are they rich enough that they have time to spare? Yes, often yes. This is the price of asking the quintessential PTA Mom or Church Lady to run things.

These women are rarely asked.

[Anonymous]

Well, this is a very interesting thread!

On the one hand, I do think DC has alot of women who meet this description.

On the other hand, why does it matter? Who cares?

OP — I joined a serious faith community a few years ago and my relationships there are very different than anything else I have seen in my life. It is because we all believe in something cosmic and grander than the petty things that distract us here. As a result, we are truly friends — people who bear each others burdens, celebrate successes, bend over backwards to help each other, are real and vulnerable and authentic. I’ve seen this community come together in truly incredible ways. A few years ago I had very few real friends (if any) and now it’s completely different. It’s also a very diverse group — income, race, etc. It helps get me out of the high achiever, high income peer group that I have at work.

There’s a reason why churches used to be a popular melting pot in society and the decline of churches has coincided with people now complaining so much about being lonely
and not having real friends and everyone being fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what happens is sh*t needs to get done, so people ask people who have done the sh*t before successfully. Are they the nicest women you’d want to be friends with? Maybe not always. But they are there, doing things that benefit the community. Do they get a big head, are they rich enough that they have time to spare? Yes, often yes. This is the price of asking the quintessential PTA Mom or Church Lady to run things.

DP. There are many women who get things done like you describe but who don't meet the overzealous threshold that OP describes. I have both types in my community.

But yes, at the end of the day, we respect both types because they get things done. But everyone wishes the overzealous could just calm down. We don't complain too much because we appreciate the help. We have an unspoken policy that you can either step in and do better or you zip it. Or you can always opt out of the activity or event if it is too much for you. But you cannot keep benefiting from someone's hard work and complaining about how they do it. If it was easier to do, you would be doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what happens is sh*t needs to get done, so people ask people who have done the sh*t before successfully. Are they the nicest women you’d want to be friends with? Maybe not always. But they are there, doing things that benefit the community. Do they get a big head, are they rich enough that they have time to spare? Yes, often yes. This is the price of asking the quintessential PTA Mom or Church Lady to run things.

These women are rarely asked.

So why are others not stepping in and taking charge before they "maneuver" their way in? Others don't want to do take charge. It's similar to politics. A certain kind of personality is drawn to politics. People criticize them but don't want to jump in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring).

Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature").

Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park.

Has two kinds of friends:
(1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and
(2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them.

I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this.

If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Troll outs herself multiple ways in the bold and underlined.

It is wild to watch people just absolutely pouring over every word in the OP like it was addressed directly to them by someone they know. Just, wow.

This is the definition of "triggered".

Someone calling a troll a troll is “triggered!?”

What planet are you? This thread has smelled like horseshit since the first post. Not difficult to see at all. Nor the sock puppeting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, this is a very interesting thread!

On the one hand, I do think DC has alot of women who meet this description.

On the other hand, why does it matter? Who cares?

OP — I joined a serious faith community a few years ago and my relationships there are very different than anything else I have seen in my life. It is because we all believe in something cosmic and grander than the petty things that distract us here. As a result, we are truly friends — people who bear each others burdens, celebrate successes, bend over backwards to help each other, are real and vulnerable and authentic. I’ve seen this community come together in truly incredible ways. A few years ago I had very few real friends (if any) and now it’s completely different. It’s also a very diverse group — income, race, etc. It helps get me out of the high achiever, high income peer group that I have at work.

There’s a reason why churches used to be a popular melting pot in society and the decline of churches has coincided with people now complaining so much about being lonely
and not having real friends and everyone being fake.

OP here and I really appreciate this perspective. I am not a believer but have been thinking in the last few years that I would like a church environment for this reason -- being in community with people who are focused on higher (I love that you use the word cosmic) things. I actually tried a UU church at one point, as people earlier in the thread suggested, but it was not for me. I am progressive but the particularly brand of progressivism in UU didn't feel like a good fit even though we have similar politics. I have been thinking about trying an Episcopal church since I was raised Catholic and that might feel familiar. Not sure what they would do with someone like me who is basically agnostic, but I think I share some similar values, so maybe? I'm certainly not closed off to it.

I do generally just appreciate the suggestion to look higher, though. I thing that's a good instinct!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what happens is sh*t needs to get done, so people ask people who have done the sh*t before successfully. Are they the nicest women you’d want to be friends with? Maybe not always. But they are there, doing things that benefit the community. Do they get a big head, are they rich enough that they have time to spare? Yes, often yes. This is the price of asking the quintessential PTA Mom or Church Lady to run things.

These women are rarely asked.

So why are others not stepping in and taking charge before they "maneuver" their way in? Others don't want to do take charge. It's similar to politics. A certain kind of personality is drawn to politics. People criticize them but don't want to jump in.

Perhaps this is the case in some situations. Maybe with a PTA where leadership is totally volunteer based and really is a lot of work that most people don't want to do.

I was in a work situation once, though, where the person in charge was definitely manipulative and controlling and I know many people on staff (including me) had very real frustrations with the situation. There were several people who were ready and willing to take on more responsibility but the Queen B hated delegating and tended to view those people as threatening to her power, so they were sidelined and in some places pushed out. So it's not always the case that no one else is willing to do the work or take responsibility. Sometimes they aren't given opportunities.

After I left that job, I know that woman ultimately wound up doing something so egregious that she had to be asked to leave, and the people who replaced her were definitely more functional and less manipulative/controlling. But it took her taking something waaaaaay too far to get to that point -- she made things very unpleasant for many people, including me, for years before that finally happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

So if you don't feel personally attacked by this thread topic, you are spending your Saturday posting extensively in this thread because... why?

No one would get this invested in this topic if their actual response to the OP was "huh, I have never encountered that, how strange." You are responding defensively.

And why shouldn’t I defend the women OP is trying to ridicule or diminish? Sure, I’m standing up for women whose crime is seemingly to exist, and be more popular, essential, successful and relevant than OP.

I thought your claim is that such women don't exist.

And why would anyone "popular, essential, successful, and relevant" need to be defended in a weekend thread on DCUM? The woman you describe would be 100% fine without your intervention.

They’re human, too, and don’t deserve to be shat upon just because OP feels insecure, except when she’s an anonymous keyboard warrior. Because it’s gross that she probably smiles to their face and then spews this jealous, bitter poison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've lived in DC for over a decade now and I keep winding up in situations where I am in close proximity to a very specific type of woman: type A, overachiever, from a doting family (think super involved grandparents, parents who always told her she was smarter and better than other kids), married to a high earning man (usually a somewhat bro-y guy who is easy going but kind of dense and boring).

Very smart to the point of being manipulative in social settings. Can gossip/talk $hit about other women in a way that never comes off as gossipy but accomplishes the same goal. Forceful (which I might say is a euphemism for pushy, but she and others would describe her as forceful or "a force of nature").

Maneuvers into positions of authority in every setting -- work, volunteer orgs, PTA, neighborhood, her regular barre studio, a wedding party, the dog park.

Has two kinds of friends:
(1) frenemies, who are women who are just like her against whom she competes for control of things, but they are surface friends and they secretly do not like each other, and
(2) minions, women who look up to her and sing her praises at every turn and whom she is often "helping" in ways that some people (me) would find condescending and over-involved.

Not here to discuss whether this type of person is good or bad. It's a type. There are many in DC, and I would like to minimize my exposure to them.

I have found that once I am in a community with this sort of person, it is hard to get her to ignore me or leave me alone, and she either tries to adopt me as a minion (most common, I really hate this, I don't want to be someone's acolyte and I really, really hate being told how to handle my life so it just doesn't work) or she will target me as a threat and start talking negatively about me behind my back.

Directness doesn't work because they will either just steamroll over your direct request ("please stop suggesting jobs for me, I am not job hunting" and then they keep doing it because they are convinced you don't know what is best for you) or will attempt to manipulate and maneuver around it.

So I give up. I just want one place where I can be social and have friends in DC where there isn't a woman like this.

If this is you, where do you NOT go. Or have any of you found a secret place where these women aren't? I just want to be free. I am tired. Would moving away from DC help? If so, where?

Troll outs herself multiple ways in the bold and underlined.

It is wild to watch people just absolutely pouring over every word in the OP like it was addressed directly to them by someone they know. Just, wow.

This is the definition of "triggered".

Someone calling a troll a troll is “triggered!?”

What planet are you? This thread has smelled like horseshit since the first post. Not difficult to see at all. Nor the sock puppeting

+1. Plus, the phrase you want is “poring over,” not POURING over. Here’s some help for you:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pore%20over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

So if you don't feel personally attacked by this thread topic, you are spending your Saturday posting extensively in this thread because... why?

No one would get this invested in this topic if their actual response to the OP was "huh, I have never encountered that, how strange." You are responding defensively.

And why shouldn’t I defend the women OP is trying to ridicule or diminish? Sure, I’m standing up for women whose crime is seemingly to exist, and be more popular, essential, successful and relevant than OP.

I thought your claim is that such women don't exist.

And why would anyone "popular, essential, successful, and relevant" need to be defended in a weekend thread on DCUM? The woman you describe would be 100% fine without your intervention.

They’re human, too, and don’t deserve to be shat upon just because OP feels insecure, except when she’s an anonymous keyboard warrior. Because it’s gross that she probably smiles to their face and then spews this jealous, bitter poison.

You were worried for successful, popular women who might stumble upon this thread and apparently take offense, so you thought you should write a screed making fun of people for being fat or friendless to defend them?

You do know the popular girl is not going to befriend you because you stuck up for a hypothetical version of her on some dumb anonymous message board? Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Actually it completely does. As evidenced by the amount of work you put into copying OP’s post, complete with overly familiar, not funny references (stage 5 clinger, SWF).

Your post isn’t clever and the OP does describe you. You were triggered for this reason.

LOL, wasn’t hard to copy and paste. I did add paragraph breaks because OP “who works in comms” doesn’t know how to use them. The only thing difficult about copying her writing style was that I would never be so long-winded.

So if you don't feel personally attacked by this thread topic, you are spending your Saturday posting extensively in this thread because... why?

No one would get this invested in this topic if their actual response to the OP was "huh, I have never encountered that, how strange." You are responding defensively.

And why shouldn’t I defend the women OP is trying to ridicule or diminish? Sure, I’m standing up for women whose crime is seemingly to exist, and be more popular, essential, successful and relevant than OP.

I thought your claim is that such women don't exist.

And why would anyone "popular, essential, successful, and relevant" need to be defended in a weekend thread on DCUM? The woman you describe would be 100% fine without your intervention.

They’re human, too, and don’t deserve to be shat upon just because OP feels insecure, except when she’s an anonymous keyboard warrior. Because it’s gross that she probably smiles to their face and then spews this jealous, bitter poison.

You were worried for successful, popular women who might stumble upon this thread and apparently take offense, so you thought you should write a screed making fun of people for being fat or friendless to defend them?

You do know the popular girl is not going to befriend you because you stuck up for a hypothetical version of her on some dumb anonymous message board? Right?

You do know that all the women you are so transparently jealous of and resentful of aren’t going to become miserable, bitter shrews like you just because you throw anonymous hate their way? Right?

[Anonymous]

OP is unable to be the main character in her own life.

Grow up.