Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

Actually, they use the word they more than they use the word I.

I’m sorry that you can’t be a good person. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you in your childhood that brought you to this point in the world.

None of us need capes to be a normal, caring and compassionate human.

This is so f'd up. Counting the use of "I" vs "They" is your justification for insulting op? Crazy. Come clean. Were you the one who blew up your marriage? It's clear that it hurt you financially and messed up your fairytale life. Deal with that instead of attacking op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

NP but the stranger (cheater) damaged *themselves*. It’s shocking you can’t get this extremely simple concept through your thick skull.

I mean, if your kid was cheating on a test and another kid told, did that kid *damage* your kid? (Answer: no. Your kid did it to himself.)

Oh ffs. The person the OP does not care about hurting is the AP’s spouse who never harmed OP. Do at least try to keep up.

I agree. Also, it’s obvious that OP sees herself as an adult in the relationship with the cheater and wants another adult to punish their child-spouse. If a relationship is between two grown ups, they deal with it as equals.

I'd bet $1 million putins that this is the deranged poster sock puppeting.

Clearly!

She knows if her affair was found out herAP would throw her under the bus without a thought or care.

She’s lashing out at strangers on the Internet because her affair partner doesn’t give a **** about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

Actually, they use the word they more than they use the word I.

I’m sorry that you can’t be a good person. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you in your childhood that brought you to this point in the world.

None of us need capes to be a normal, caring and compassionate human.

This is so f'd up. Counting the use of "I" vs "They" is your justification for insulting op? Crazy. Come clean. Were you the one who blew up your marriage? It's clear that it hurt you financially and messed up your fairytale life. Deal with that instead of attacking op.

I wonder what happened to her? Addiction? Childhood abuse?

It’s wild to see someone so delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

Actually, they use the word they more than they use the word I.

I’m sorry that you can’t be a good person. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you in your childhood that brought you to this point in the world.

None of us need capes to be a normal, caring and compassionate human.

This is so f'd up. Counting the use of "I" vs "They" is your justification for insulting op? Crazy. Come clean. Were you the one who blew up your marriage? It's clear that it hurt you financially and messed up your fairytale life. Deal with that instead of attacking op.

I wonder what happened to her? Addiction? Childhood abuse?

It’s wild to see someone so delusional.

Honestly, what happened to you that you feel
The need to be so hyperbolic about anyone that has a differing opinion than you? The only person attacking anyone is you. No one has personally attacked the OP in the manner you’re attacking anyone that doesn’t agree with her tactic. You okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

You realize that despite their jobs, these are women, just like other women? So you not know anyone with fame or “high status”? Really, they’re just people. Yes, they have different challenges but they’re just people whose jobs put them in the public eye and pay well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all just another version of blame and revenge on the other woman, instead of placing blame and work where it should be placed - on *your* cheating spouse, and focusing on *your* relationship.

I blamed my cheating spouse. I felt morally obligated to inform the other betrayed spouse so they were no longer victim to the lies and potential health risks.

Being cheated on felt like someone was holding me underwater. When I finally figured out the truth, I couldn't bear to sit by and watch another person being treated the same way.

So you pulled them under water and held their head down with you? How did that help you? You felt better lashing out and making sure someone else felt as miserable as you did? More power to you I guess.

It’s so ironic that the women of DCUM become such excellent communicators in this situation, but can’t lay down boundaries about Thanksgiving with their own families year after year.

Not at all. I felt like I could finally breathe again and when I figured out the truth. I hated to see someone else being lied to the way I had been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

Yes these are women who are damaged in some way regardless of wealth, and fame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

Oh please, OP doesn’t give a damn about any of this.

Your hatred aimed at op makes me think you are a liar and did cheat and it blew up your marriage.

DP, but do you always name call
And sling mud/ accusations at people who dare to have a different opinion than you do?

The post above is true, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all just another version of blame and revenge on the other woman, instead of placing blame and work where it should be placed - on *your* cheating spouse, and focusing on *your* relationship.

I blamed my cheating spouse. I felt morally obligated to inform the other betrayed spouse so they were no longer victim to the lies and potential health risks.

Being cheated on felt like someone was holding me underwater. When I finally figured out the truth, I couldn't bear to sit by and watch another person being treated the same way.

So you pulled them under water and held their head down with you? How did that help you? You felt better lashing out and making sure someone else felt as miserable as you did? More power to you I guess.

It’s so ironic that the women of DCUM become such excellent communicators in this situation, but can’t lay down boundaries about Thanksgiving with their own families year after year.

Not at all. I felt like I could finally breathe again and when I figured out the truth. I hated to see someone else being lied to the way I had been.

And what did you do with your husband btw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

Actually, they use the word they more than they use the word I.

I’m sorry that you can’t be a good person. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you in your childhood that brought you to this point in the world.

None of us need capes to be a normal, caring and compassionate human.

This is so f'd up. Counting the use of "I" vs "They" is your justification for insulting op? Crazy. Come clean. Were you the one who blew up your marriage? It's clear that it hurt you financially and messed up your fairytale life. Deal with that instead of attacking op.

I wonder what happened to her? Addiction? Childhood abuse?

It’s wild to see someone so delusional.

Honestly, what happened to you that you feel
The need to be so hyperbolic about anyone that has a differing opinion than you? The only person attacking anyone is you. No one has personally attacked the OP in the manner you’re attacking anyone that doesn’t agree with her tactic. You okay?

I'm not attacking you I'm bemusing what actually happened to you.

My friends who blew up their marriage were abused as a child, or had schizophasia, another was an alcoholic, another had PTSD.

Your writing is delusional and deranged not a coherent argument with another viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

Yes these are women who are damaged in some way regardless of wealth, and fame.

I'ts not like PP could use regular people as an example, but I guarantee you that you know and love someone who has been the victim of infidelity and stayed and didn't tell you.

I also guarantee you that no one, NO ONE, isn't "damaged" as you say. Even the most well adjusted people I know who were raised in loving and peaceful homes have things that are messed up about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

Again that is just a delusional story you have made up in your head.