Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

OP did none of this.

You need to stop trying to demonize victims here. It's really gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

OP did none of this.

You need to stop trying to demonize victims here. It's really gross.

^ she said other women do this. She’s not talking about the wife. APs always are deep scrolling the guy’s friends, spouse, etc. psychos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

Lmaof. They always pick married men. It’s why they are “cheating”. Unavailable men are exactly who the cheat with. If the guy was single they wouldn’t be the OW-duh!!!

And banging another woman’s husband is exactly what they get off on doing. It is how they get self esteem…getting a guy to cheat on their wives must mean they are better, right ? These men also are generally high value and they want the wife’s life and lifestyle. They want the $, the house and if they are married themselves they are usually looking to upgrade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

OP did none of this.

You need to stop trying to demonize victims here. It's really gross.

^ she said other women do this. She’s not talking about the wife. APs always are deep scrolling the guy’s friends, spouse, etc. psychos

No- they are protecting the marriage. Remember ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

It’s a normal coping mechanism for damaged girls with daddy issues to pick an unavailable man that she really really really wants so when that he doesn’t pick her, she can be like I never wanted him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

Lmaof. They always pick married men. It’s why they are “cheating”. Unavailable men are exactly who the cheat with. If the guy was single they wouldn’t be the OW-duh!!!

And banging another woman’s husband is exactly what they get off on doing. It is how they get self esteem…getting a guy to cheat on their wives must mean they are better, right ? These men also are generally high value and they want the wife’s life and lifestyle. They want the $, the house and if they are married themselves they are usually looking to upgrade.

I am on team OP here all the way. I think she should tell the other spouse. And lots of hugs to her as she deals with the aftermath of the tsunami that her selfish husband brought down on their lives.

But the quoted is just pathetic. Nobody wants these “high value men” with the morals of an alley cat. If you choose to stay with the cheater, go for it. But do the hard work to fix your marriage and don’t go around thinking that your scum bag DH is some sort of prize. He isn’t. He is damned lucky if you choose to work through things with him.

[Anonymous]

Tell. Always tell.

I wish to god someone had told me early on in the affair. Finding out several years later is just brutal. Cruel. It colors every photo and every event you had with your family and kids during those years. And you are constantly reimagining things and trying to figure out what was real.

It’s cruel not tell, no matter how painful the truth is- it’s the truth. You then have the facts.

As another poster pointed out, some cheaters are secretly funneling $ and having the spouse make decisions based on a false future—one the cheater knows will end in divorce when the kids hit college, but is pretending to 100% be in the marriage for the long haul. The betrayed can then protect themselves from this and often can get out of paying alimony. Some poor suckers never know and they feel guilty and buy the manipulative cheater’s story that it was all their fault for not taking them out often enough or whatever “we grew apart” bs they’ll sling while omitting “Iv’e been banging other men the past 10 years”. While they get out with a phony reputation as the “wronged party”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

Lmaof. They always pick married men. It’s why they are “cheating”. Unavailable men are exactly who the cheat with. If the guy was single they wouldn’t be the OW-duh!!!

And banging another woman’s husband is exactly what they get off on doing. It is how they get self esteem…getting a guy to cheat on their wives must mean they are better, right ? These men also are generally high value and they want the wife’s life and lifestyle. They want the $, the house and if they are married themselves they are usually looking to upgrade.

I am on team OP here all the way. I think she should tell the other spouse. And lots of hugs to her as she deals with the aftermath of the tsunami that her selfish husband brought down on their lives.

But the quoted is just pathetic. Nobody wants these “high value men” with the morals of an alley cat. If you choose to stay with the cheater, go for it. But do the hard work to fix your marriage and don’t go around thinking that your scum bag DH is some sort of prize. He isn’t. He is damned lucky if you choose to work through things with him.

Lots and lots of APs/OW and gold diggers do. Lauren Sanchez is the Lebron James of gold digging. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell. Always tell.

I wish to god someone had told me early on in the affair. Finding out several years later is just brutal. Cruel. It colors every photo and every event you had with your family and kids during those years. And you are constantly reimagining things and trying to figure out what was real.

It’s cruel not tell, no matter how painful the truth is- it’s the truth. You then have the facts.

As another poster pointed out, some cheaters are secretly funneling $ and having the spouse make decisions based on a false future—one the cheater knows will end in divorce when the kids hit college, but is pretending to 100% be in the marriage for the long haul. The betrayed can then protect themselves from this and often can get out of paying alimony. Some poor suckers never know and they feel guilty and buy the manipulative cheater’s story that it was all their fault for not taking them out often enough or whatever “we grew apart” bs they’ll sling while omitting “Iv’e been banging other men the past 10 years”. While they get out with a phony reputation as the “wronged party”.

+1. My health. I was horrified to learn I was in a non-monogamous marriage for those years while we always had an active sex life. To think what I was or could have been exposed to without my knowledge or consent. It’s so sickening. I threw up when I first found out.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

You do realize that multiple people have been responding to your posts, right? There is clearly more than one person who disagrees with you (and apparently several who question your mental health).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

Lmaof. They always pick married men. It’s why they are “cheating”. Unavailable men are exactly who the cheat with. If the guy was single they wouldn’t be the OW-duh!!!

And banging another woman’s husband is exactly what they get off on doing. It is how they get self esteem…getting a guy to cheat on their wives must mean they are better, right ? These men also are generally high value and they want the wife’s life and lifestyle. They want the $, the house and if they are married themselves they are usually looking to upgrade.

I am on team OP here all the way. I think she should tell the other spouse. And lots of hugs to her as she deals with the aftermath of the tsunami that her selfish husband brought down on their lives.

But the quoted is just pathetic. Nobody wants these “high value men” with the morals of an alley cat. If you choose to stay with the cheater, go for it. But do the hard work to fix your marriage and don’t go around thinking that your scum bag DH is some sort of prize. He isn’t. He is damned lucky if you choose to work through things with him.

Lots and lots of APs/OW and gold diggers do. Lauren Sanchez is the Lebron James of gold digging. lol

And she doesn't hide it, but as my DH said she is very hard to look at lol! Really, it's the men who are losers regardless of their wealth. Bezos threw away his entire family over something that looks like the creature of the black lagoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Um, yes. Consider why they stayed. I'll give you all the time you need.

I think Hillary stayed early on because of politics. They emotionally separated years ago. They are partners with a daughter, politics, and a lot of combined money. Beyonce is a different matter just from hearing her speak over the years. While super talented she is deeply co-dependent, not intelligent like Hillary, and very insecure. Reasons for every woman vary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

Lmaof. They always pick married men. It’s why they are “cheating”. Unavailable men are exactly who the cheat with. If the guy was single they wouldn’t be the OW-duh!!!

And banging another woman’s husband is exactly what they get off on doing. It is how they get self esteem…getting a guy to cheat on their wives must mean they are better, right ? These men also are generally high value and they want the wife’s life and lifestyle. They want the $, the house and if they are married themselves they are usually looking to upgrade.

Yes and no. I have an out of town AP (late 40s so no spring chicken) I see once every month or two thru work who I’m happy to lavish with nice gifts and meals in exchange for some short term enjoyment. She’s a self admitted attention seeker and flirtatious ho (once wore a miniskirt 10+ inches above knee to a client meeting!) who fits the description above to a tee yet also enjoys our relationship being intermittent in nature so she can continue leeching off her DH and provide food and shelter for her child.

Regardless of their broader intentions I would fight fire with fire and out them. No other way to deal with people so brazen about seeking companionship at your expense …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

OP did none of this.

You need to stop trying to demonize victims here. It's really gross.

^ she said other women do this. She’s not talking about the wife. APs always are deep scrolling the guy’s friends, spouse, etc. psychos

Imagine a betrayal so deep that it routinely causes such psychosis? You’re blaming the victim for a normal response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

OP did none of this.

You need to stop trying to demonize victims here. It's really gross.

^ she said other women do this. She’s not talking about the wife. APs always are deep scrolling the guy’s friends, spouse, etc. psychos

Imagine a betrayal so deep that it routinely causes such psychosis? You’re blaming the victim for a normal response.

An AP is not a victim.