When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You seriously think you're need to get off is more important than your child's needs?

First of all, my children do NOT require full parental support 24x7. There is at LEAST a spare 30 minutes EVERY week.
Second, "getting off" is not just my need. Sexual intimacy is OUR need, the need of BOTH partners, the need of the marriage itself, and benefits our children to ensure a happy lasting marriage.

Anonymous wrote:
Or your wife's preferences?

I would (and have) dealt with this issue. It turns out, my wife actually prefers to be in a marriage where I meet her needs and she meets mine. Now, if she REALLY preferred not to have sex with me, I'd be discretely dating. My wife does not get to force celibacy upon me, that is an unreasonable preference, like if I preferred not to "hear about her day" that just does not work.

Anonymous wrote: Here's an idea: You have two hands, USE THEM!

Here is an idea: there are plenty of women who agree that sex is an important need for any relationship.

Anonymous wrote: If you aren't wiling to put the effort into making the intimacy SATISFYING for your wife as well (which would require longer than 15 minutes, FYI) then how about not putting demands on her to make it satisfying for you?

I am happy and able to go as long as she wants. Longer is always better. Glad we agree on this point.

Anonymous wrote: Take the matter into your own hands (literally) and jerk one out.

On occasion I do just that, thanks for the invitation.

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand people who prioritize sex over things like children and other really pressing issues.

I will never understand people who allow children's infinite needs to exclude some intimacy with their spouse.

Anonymous wrote: Get a sex toy or something, and leave your poor, harried wife alone for a while.

Wife is harried by choice, and it is a very selfish choice. So no thank you, I will instead help wife with all reasonable child care, discourage her from going far off the deep end with UN-reasonable child care, then seek our times for intimacy.

You're an idiot. There is a huge difference between making conversational chit-chat about someone's day, and allowing someone to penetrate your body. Require very different levels of emotional investment.

As for the invitation to jerk one out, your welcome. You shouldn't need my invite. Sounds like you have a lot of tension and anger and jerking it more frequently might really help with that. Man up and just do it.

And no her choice is not selfish. Her choice is to take care of YOUR CHILDREN, you ingrate. "At least 30 minutes a week." Are you kidding? That's it? Why dont you hire someone to do some of her tasks if you want to get laid so much and she only has 30 minutes in her entire week to spare? or pitch in yourself? Oh right, that would require some work, something you seem incapable of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Completely wrong. Unless at least 5 times a week is "not into sex" (for 40 year olds with kids and 2 serious jobs). Just because this guy wants to give up on his family, don't pretend that it's impossible to get it back. It's possible. Not for everyone, and if he's really trying and she's just not willing to try, then that's very sad.

Regardless of age, work, or kids, there is always time for weekly sex. But if this isn't important, then there is always some excuse.

Anonymous wrote:
But he's not talking about trying therapy, or anything like that. He's calling her fat and planning to leave her. That's losery.

It sounds to me like she really is fat. Sorry if that offends you. Many men (especially those of us who married thin women) are turned off by fat. She is fat and has no sex drive and this bothers him. Are you seriously surprised at that? Also he has already tried many things and has concluded that she is not reciprocating in his efforts to become close again.

Anonymous wrote:
"Put on hold" for 2-3 years with young kids? Not as a policy, no. But if the 2 kids are born within 2 years, and one of them never sleeps, and one of them has a serious health issue and mom has PPD and also has to go back to work, then, yep, it gets pretty darned infrequent. No one said it's selfish of a man to desire sex. It's selfish of him to put that need above all else. Would you leave the wife because she was too ill to have sex? That's selfish. So, she's sleepless and depressed. That's illness. Does that mean she shouldn't try to fix it? Of course not, but you are supposed to be her help-mate. Help her. But your easy way around that is blame the mom for not being a good enough mother and selfish? Really? That's selfish? You've clearly never been the primary parent of an infant. That doesn't even pass the laugh test. You are so far off in lala land you can't even see the reality.

You were the one who said 2-3 years. Whatever issues might be going on in the house, both H and W need to simply deal with it, in such a way that the married couple has some regular time together for intimacy. You seem to have endless excuses, and frankly this excuse making is exactly the problem. If the marriage is important, there is always time for some weekly sex. If the wife's selfish need to be "the perfect mom" is more important than just 30 minutes with her H, well there is always an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Completely wrong. Unless at least 5 times a week is "not into sex" (for 40 year olds with kids and 2 serious jobs). Just because this guy wants to give up on his family, don't pretend that it's impossible to get it back. It's possible. Not for everyone, and if he's really trying and she's just not willing to try, then that's very sad.

Regardless of age, work, or kids, there is always time for weekly sex. But if this isn't important, then there is always some excuse.

Anonymous wrote:
But he's not talking about trying therapy, or anything like that. He's calling her fat and planning to leave her. That's losery.

It sounds to me like she really is fat. Sorry if that offends you. Many men (especially those of us who married thin women) are turned off by fat. She is fat and has no sex drive and this bothers him. Are you seriously surprised at that? Also he has already tried many things and has concluded that she is not reciprocating in his efforts to become close again.

Anonymous wrote:
"Put on hold" for 2-3 years with young kids? Not as a policy, no. But if the 2 kids are born within 2 years, and one of them never sleeps, and one of them has a serious health issue and mom has PPD and also has to go back to work, then, yep, it gets pretty darned infrequent. No one said it's selfish of a man to desire sex. It's selfish of him to put that need above all else. Would you leave the wife because she was too ill to have sex? That's selfish. So, she's sleepless and depressed. That's illness. Does that mean she shouldn't try to fix it? Of course not, but you are supposed to be her help-mate. Help her. But your easy way around that is blame the mom for not being a good enough mother and selfish? Really? That's selfish? You've clearly never been the primary parent of an infant. That doesn't even pass the laugh test. You are so far off in lala land you can't even see the reality.

You were the one who said 2-3 years. Whatever issues might be going on in the house, both H and W need to simply deal with it, in such a way that the married couple has some regular time together for intimacy. You seem to have endless excuses, and frankly this excuse making is exactly the problem. If the marriage is important, there is always time for some weekly sex. If the wife's selfish need to be "the perfect mom" is more important than just 30 minutes with her H, well there is always an excuse.

Lol at the OP trying to pretend to be someone else. Anyway...
Plenty of women are turned off by fat. In fact, it's much more natural for a women to carry excess fat than a man, and that's a FACT. It's why men can get down to 3% body fat and women will die if they go below 12%. And yet plenty of men are overweight and women are turned off and we try to be understanding, not to talk shit to other people about it. A woman is not just your trophy or sex object. You should be understanding of the HUGE change of pregnancy and not hold it against her. Additionally, unless you are an Adonis, dont be throwing stones in a glass house.

Husband is the one with the issue. Wife seems to be not bothered with the situation, as far as we know. Since husband is asking how to change it, HE needs to be practive and take the steps to get her more interested in sex. I sincerely suggest you- ahem, I mean OP- must be bad in bed, because according to you- I mean, OP- he has literally done EVERY SINGLE THING in his power to change it. If thats the case, Im guessing he isn't getting her off. Thats my two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're an idiot. There is a huge difference between making conversational chit-chat about someone's day, and allowing someone to penetrate your body. Require very different levels of emotional investment.

I explained how ridiculous it is for a spouse to suddenly "prefer" not to meet an essential need. Sex, chit-chat, financial security, there are a lot of needs within a marriage and it is not acceptable to just choose not to do that part of the marriage and expect the spouse to keep doing all the other parts.

Anonymous wrote:
As for the invitation to jerk one out, your welcome. You shouldn't need my invite. Sounds like you have a lot of tension and anger and jerking it more frequently might really help with that. Man up and just do it.

I did not need your invite but I appreciate your interest here. Tension and anger... you called me an idiot, probably you should get busy yourself.

Anonymous wrote:And no her choice is not selfish. Her choice is to take care of YOUR CHILDREN, you ingrate. "At least 30 minutes a week." Are you kidding? That's it? Why dont you hire someone to do some of her tasks if you want to get laid so much and she only has 30 minutes in her entire week to spare? or pitch in yourself? Oh right, that would require some work, something you seem incapable of.

My point was if there isn't even 30 spare minutes in a week to prioritize sex, THAT IS SELFISH OF HER. I pitch in plenty. I also set reasonable boundaries. Any mother who can't or won't set reasonable boundaries that fills the entire week so there isn't a moment for sex, THAT IS SELFISH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're an idiot. There is a huge difference between making conversational chit-chat about someone's day, and allowing someone to penetrate your body. Require very different levels of emotional investment.

I explained how ridiculous it is for a spouse to suddenly "prefer" not to meet an essential need. Sex, chit-chat, financial security, there are a lot of needs within a marriage and it is not acceptable to just choose not to do that part of the marriage and expect the spouse to keep doing all the other parts.

Anonymous wrote:
As for the invitation to jerk one out, your welcome. You shouldn't need my invite. Sounds like you have a lot of tension and anger and jerking it more frequently might really help with that. Man up and just do it.

I did not need your invite but I appreciate your interest here. Tension and anger... you called me an idiot, probably you should get busy yourself.

Anonymous wrote:And no her choice is not selfish. Her choice is to take care of YOUR CHILDREN, you ingrate. "At least 30 minutes a week." Are you kidding? That's it? Why dont you hire someone to do some of her tasks if you want to get laid so much and she only has 30 minutes in her entire week to spare? or pitch in yourself? Oh right, that would require some work, something you seem incapable of.

My point was if there isn't even 30 spare minutes in a week to prioritize sex, THAT IS SELFISH OF HER. I pitch in plenty. I also set reasonable boundaries. Any mother who can't or won't set reasonable boundaries that fills the entire week so there isn't a moment for sex, THAT IS SELFISH.

No, it does not make her selfish. It does make her burdened with a very self centered partner, though. Some needs are more important than others, seeing as you have admitted the fact that you CAN indeed pleasure yourself, then sex is not as important as other needs SUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN. If intimacy is really what you are after, then do things that make her feel close to you with no expectation of sex. Like we have said, take her out, get a babysitter all that.

But you are clearly a little baby who wants to whine about it and doesnt want a solution that involves you doing any work at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Completely wrong. Unless at least 5 times a week is "not into sex" (for 40 year olds with kids and 2 serious jobs). Just because this guy wants to give up on his family, don't pretend that it's impossible to get it back. It's possible. Not for everyone, and if he's really trying and she's just not willing to try, then that's very sad.

Regardless of age, work, or kids, there is always time for weekly sex. But if this isn't important, then there is always some excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

No, there isn't always time for weekly sex. I'm guessing you've never spent a week with your kid in the hospital. You're totally ignorant.

But he's not talking about trying therapy, or anything like that. He's calling her fat and planning to leave her. That's losery.

It sounds to me like she really is fat. Sorry if that offends you. Many men (especially those of us who married thin women) are turned off by fat. She is fat and has no sex drive and this bothers him. Are you seriously surprised at that? Also he has already tried many things and has concluded that she is not reciprocating in his efforts to become close again.

Anonymous wrote: It doesn't offend me that she's fat. It offends me that that's his excuse for bailing on his marriage vows. Pretty sure there isnt a "unless you have kids and get fat" exclusion in there.

"Put on hold" for 2-3 years with young kids? Not as a policy, no. But if the 2 kids are born within 2 years, and one of them never sleeps, and one of them has a serious health issue and mom has PPD and also has to go back to work, then, yep, it gets pretty darned infrequent. No one said it's selfish of a man to desire sex. It's selfish of him to put that need above all else. Would you leave the wife because she was too ill to have sex? That's selfish. So, she's sleepless and depressed. That's illness. Does that mean she shouldn't try to fix it? Of course not, but you are supposed to be her help-mate. Help her. But your easy way around that is blame the mom for not being a good enough mother and selfish? Really? That's selfish? You've clearly never been the primary parent of an infant. That doesn't even pass the laugh test. You are so far off in lala land you can't even see the reality.

You were the one who said 2-3 years. Whatever issues might be going on in the house, both H and W need to simply deal with it, in such a way that the married couple has some regular time together for intimacy. You seem to have endless excuses, and frankly this excuse making is exactly the problem. If the marriage is important, there is always time for some weekly sex. If the wife's selfish need to be "the perfect mom" is more important than just 30 minutes with her H, well there is always an excuse.

Wait, wait, so trying to be a good mom is selfish? Huh? The baby's needs are made up, and only the husband's needs are real? Wow, sounds like you are basically the baby of the family. I actually didn't have endless excuses, which is why the period where it was infrequent in fact ended. I don't even understand why you frame this in terms of "excuses". Do you think the wife simply wants to have no sex drive? Do you think she's happier being overweight and having no one touch her? That doesn't even sound logical. If she used to like sex, something has happened to make her not want it anymore. In your case, I'd guess it's that you resent her being more invested in the kids than you and you express that. That would be pretty unappealing. And I'm sure you're not helpful either, which means she probably has no time or energy to take care of herself in a way that would let her feel attractive.
If you want to be an adult about it, you have to view it as "wife is having trouble with this, and we need to fix it", not "wife is selfishly focusing just on the children and not me". Because, news flash, the wife's focus on the kids is not selfish. It's part of an upheaval in her life the likes of which she has never experienced before. Her world changed completely. She is devoted to *your children*. That's the person you're vilifying. Rather than being a caring partner who's trying to help her. My DH chose differently, and he and I are very happy now, and NO it's not because he gave up on sex or found it elsewhere. He helped me through it. Even after 2-3 years of very infrequent (like 1-2 times/month) sex. Because he knew I'd stick with him and not just judge him if the situation were reversed. Now we know -- one of us ends up depressed, loses a job, gets cancer, whatever, we will be generous partners with each other. When one of us isn't doing our part, the other one doesn't just get mad and blame them. WE pick up the slack and work on how to fix it.
Sounds like marriage to you is something else entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Completely wrong. Unless at least 5 times a week is "not into sex" (for 40 year olds with kids and 2 serious jobs). Just because this guy wants to give up on his family, don't pretend that it's impossible to get it back. It's possible. Not for everyone, and if he's really trying and she's just not willing to try, then that's very sad.

Regardless of age, work, or kids, there is always time for weekly sex. But if this isn't important, then there is always some excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

No, there isn't always time for weekly sex. I'm guessing you've never spent a week with your kid in the hospital. You're totally ignorant.

But he's not talking about trying therapy, or anything like that. He's calling her fat and planning to leave her. That's losery.

It sounds to me like she really is fat. Sorry if that offends you. Many men (especially those of us who married thin women) are turned off by fat. She is fat and has no sex drive and this bothers him. Are you seriously surprised at that? Also he has already tried many things and has concluded that she is not reciprocating in his efforts to become close again.

Anonymous wrote: It doesn't offend me that she's fat. It offends me that that's his excuse for bailing on his marriage vows. Pretty sure there isnt a "unless you have kids and get fat" exclusion in there.


"Put on hold" for 2-3 years with young kids? Not as a policy, no. But if the 2 kids are born within 2 years, and one of them never sleeps, and one of them has a serious health issue and mom has PPD and also has to go back to work, then, yep, it gets pretty darned infrequent. No one said it's selfish of a man to desire sex. It's selfish of him to put that need above all else. Would you leave the wife because she was too ill to have sex? That's selfish. So, she's sleepless and depressed. That's illness. Does that mean she shouldn't try to fix it? Of course not, but you are supposed to be her help-mate. Help her. But your easy way around that is blame the mom for not being a good enough mother and selfish? Really? That's selfish? You've clearly never been the primary parent of an infant. That doesn't even pass the laugh test. You are so far off in lala land you can't even see the reality.

You were the one who said 2-3 years. Whatever issues might be going on in the house, both H and W need to simply deal with it, in such a way that the married couple has some regular time together for intimacy. You seem to have endless excuses, and frankly this excuse making is exactly the problem. If the marriage is important, there is always time for some weekly sex. If the wife's selfish need to be "the perfect mom" is more important than just 30 minutes with her H, well there is always an excuse.

Wait, wait, so trying to be a good mom is selfish? Huh? The baby's needs are made up, and only the husband's needs are real? Wow, sounds like you are basically the baby of the family. I actually didn't have endless excuses, which is why the period where it was infrequent in fact ended. I don't even understand why you frame this in terms of "excuses". Do you think the wife simply wants to have no sex drive? Do you think she's happier being overweight and having no one touch her? That doesn't even sound logical. If she used to like sex, something has happened to make her not want it anymore. In your case, I'd guess it's that you resent her being more invested in the kids than you and you express that. That would be pretty unappealing. And I'm sure you're not helpful either, which means she probably has no time or energy to take care of herself in a way that would let her feel attractive.
If you want to be an adult about it, you have to view it as "wife is having trouble with this, and we need to fix it", not "wife is selfishly focusing just on the children and not me". Because, news flash, the wife's focus on the kids is not selfish. It's part of an upheaval in her life the likes of which she has never experienced before. Her world changed completely. She is devoted to *your children*. That's the person you're vilifying. Rather than being a caring partner who's trying to help her. My DH chose differently, and he and I are very happy now, and NO it's not because he gave up on sex or found it elsewhere. He helped me through it. Even after 2-3 years of very infrequent (like 1-2 times/month) sex. Because he knew I'd stick with him and not just judge him if the situation were reversed. Now we know -- one of us ends up depressed, loses a job, gets cancer, whatever, we will be generous partners with each other. When one of us isn't doing our part, the other one doesn't just get mad and blame them. WE pick up the slack and work on how to fix it.
Sounds like marriage to you is something else entirely.

Honestly, this is the kind of asshole that gives men a bad name. Bitching and whining like this is the most important issue in the world. And arguing from multiple identies with anyone who suggests he take responsibility for his predicament. It's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it does not make her selfish. It does make her burdened with a very self centered partner, though. Some needs are more important than others, seeing as you have admitted the fact that you CAN indeed pleasure yourself, then sex is not as important as other needs SUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN. If intimacy is really what you are after, then do things that make her feel close to you with no expectation of sex. Like we have said, take her out, get a babysitter all that.

But you are clearly a little baby who wants to whine about it and doesnt want a solution that involves you doing any work at all.

Repeating myself.... Children do NOT require 24x7 parental care! There is plenty of time every single week to both care for the children AND to have an intimate marriage.
I am all for taking her out, baby sitter, etc. Plenty of time every week for all of that.
It is not an either or (children or sex). It's both. We should prioritize both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it does not make her selfish. It does make her burdened with a very self centered partner, though. Some needs are more important than others, seeing as you have admitted the fact that you CAN indeed pleasure yourself, then sex is not as important as other needs SUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN. If intimacy is really what you are after, then do things that make her feel close to you with no expectation of sex. Like we have said, take her out, get a babysitter all that.

But you are clearly a little baby who wants to whine about it and doesnt want a solution that involves you doing any work at all.

Repeating myself.... Children do NOT require 24x7 parental care! There is plenty of time every single week to both care for the children AND to have an intimate marriage.
I am all for taking her out, baby sitter, etc. Plenty of time every week for all of that.
It is not an either or (children or sex). It's both. We should prioritize both.

Then take her out dude! Stop bitching and be glad for a solution!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it does not make her selfish. It does make her burdened with a very self centered partner, though. Some needs are more important than others, seeing as you have admitted the fact that you CAN indeed pleasure yourself, then sex is not as important as other needs SUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN. If intimacy is really what you are after, then do things that make her feel close to you with no expectation of sex. Like we have said, take her out, get a babysitter all that.

But you are clearly a little baby who wants to whine about it and doesnt want a solution that involves you doing any work at all.

Repeating myself.... Children do NOT require 24x7 parental care! There is plenty of time every single week to both care for the children AND to have an intimate marriage.
I am all for taking her out, baby sitter, etc. Plenty of time every week for all of that.
It is not an either or (children or sex). It's both. We should prioritize both.

For a few years, mine did pretty much require 24x7 parental care. With the exception of the 5 hours a night she would sleep in her crib. And, really, I needed the sleep at that point if we didn't want me to have a psychotic break. Some babies are higher needs than others, and you seem sort of shockingly unaware of that, to the extent that I get the sense you're not very involved in the childcare. Then, have another baby before the first one is even out of diapers, and then the next one has issues too, and you are pretty well f'd for a good 3 years. Throw a job on top of that. Yeah, it's not pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it does not make her selfish. It does make her burdened with a very self centered partner, though. Some needs are more important than others, seeing as you have admitted the fact that you CAN indeed pleasure yourself, then sex is not as important as other needs SUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN. If intimacy is really what you are after, then do things that make her feel close to you with no expectation of sex. Like we have said, take her out, get a babysitter all that.

But you are clearly a little baby who wants to whine about it and doesnt want a solution that involves you doing any work at all.

Repeating myself.... Children do NOT require 24x7 parental care! There is plenty of time every single week to both care for the children AND to have an intimate marriage.
I am all for taking her out, baby sitter, etc. Plenty of time every week for all of that.
It is not an either or (children or sex). It's both. We should prioritize both.

For a few years, mine did pretty much require 24x7 parental care. With the exception of the 5 hours a night she would sleep in her crib. And, really, I needed the sleep at that point if we didn't want me to have a psychotic break. Some babies are higher needs than others, and you seem sort of shockingly unaware of that, to the extent that I get the sense you're not very involved in the childcare. Then, have another baby before the first one is even out of diapers, and then the next one has issues too, and you are pretty well f'd for a good 3 years. Throw a job on top of that. Yeah, it's not pretty.

x2. Sorry but this dude is a lazy bitch and I'm guessing he doesnt help with childcare AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

Oh Jesus, just get a divorce NOW and stop whining. You're just encouraging the sanctimommys who think that a baby is the end of the world and they can never go out to dinner again until the baby is in college.

You'll fuck your kids up so much if you wait until they're in their twenties. Read the studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, wait, so trying to be a good mom is selfish? Huh? The baby's needs are made up, and only the husband's needs are real? Wow, sounds like you are basically the baby of the family. I actually didn't have endless excuses, which is why the period where it was infrequent in fact ended. I don't even understand why you frame this in terms of "excuses". Do you think the wife simply wants to have no sex drive? Do you think she's happier being overweight and having no one touch her? That doesn't even sound logical. If she used to like sex, something has happened to make her not want it anymore. In your case, I'd guess it's that you resent her being more invested in the kids than you and you express that. That would be pretty unappealing. And I'm sure you're not helpful either, which means she probably has no time or energy to take care of herself in a way that would let her feel attractive.

A good mom does not mean 24x7 child care. A good mom sets reasonable boundaries. A good mom finds some time every week to work on the marriage, for intimacy.
I never said baby's needs are made up, but the only way baby needs are 24x7 is if the mom is being selfish.
I am plenty helpful with all reasonable child care. A mom who keeps going (beyond the point of reasonableness) and makes herself exhausted is just being selfish.

Anonymous wrote:
If you want to be an adult about it, you have to view it as "wife is having trouble with this, and we need to fix it", not "wife is selfishly focusing just on the children and not me". Because, news flash, the wife's focus on the kids is not selfish. It's part of an upheaval in her life the likes of which she has never experienced before. Her world changed completely. She is devoted to *your children*. That's the person you're vilifying. Rather than being a caring partner who's trying to help her. My DH chose differently, and he and I are very happy now, and NO it's not because he gave up on sex or found it elsewhere. He helped me through it. Even after 2-3 years of very infrequent (like 1-2 times/month) sex. Because he knew I'd stick with him and not just judge him if the situation were reversed. Now we know -- one of us ends up depressed, loses a job, gets cancer, whatever, we will be generous partners with each other. When one of us isn't doing our part, the other one doesn't just get mad and blame them. WE pick up the slack and work on how to fix it.
Sounds like marriage to you is something else entirely.

If your H is ok with sex 1-2 per month, great for you. That does not work for me. Babies do not require 24x7 care, there is plenty of time to both spoil the baby and to have weekly (or more) sex. The best way to help one of these exhausted mothers with no time for sex is to snap them out of their selfish fog. For the 100th time I say: babies do not need 24x7 attention. Moms need to set reasonable boundaries. This leaves plenty of time for mom to relax, to go on dates, and yes for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it does not make her selfish. It does make her burdened with a very self centered partner, though. Some needs are more important than others, seeing as you have admitted the fact that you CAN indeed pleasure yourself, then sex is not as important as other needs SUCH AS YOUR CHILDREN. If intimacy is really what you are after, then do things that make her feel close to you with no expectation of sex. Like we have said, take her out, get a babysitter all that.

But you are clearly a little baby who wants to whine about it and doesnt want a solution that involves you doing any work at all.

Repeating myself.... Children do NOT require 24x7 parental care! There is plenty of time every single week to both care for the children AND to have an intimate marriage.
I am all for taking her out, baby sitter, etc. Plenty of time every week for all of that.
It is not an either or (children or sex). It's both. We should prioritize both.

For a few years, mine did pretty much require 24x7 parental care. With the exception of the 5 hours a night she would sleep in her crib. And, really, I needed the sleep at that point if we didn't want me to have a psychotic break. Some babies are higher needs than others, and you seem sort of shockingly unaware of that, to the extent that I get the sense you're not very involved in the childcare. Then, have another baby before the first one is even out of diapers, and then the next one has issues too, and you are pretty well f'd for a good 3 years. Throw a job on top of that. Yeah, it's not pretty.

This is hysterical. Why the hell did your children need 24 x 7 parental care?

Bizarre. My first child didn't sleep either and had medical issues and colic, and I STILL got a babysitter and went out to dinner. I got pregnant again when my first child was seven months old, too. What is wrong with you? You sound completely unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh Jesus, just get a divorce NOW and stop whining. You're just encouraging the sanctimommys who think that a baby is the end of the world and they can never go out to dinner again until the baby is in college.

You'll fuck your kids up so much if you wait until they're in their twenties. Read the studies.

WELL, I'd divorce him based on this thread alone, but it doesn't take a sanctimommy to think this guy's a whole bag of tools.