Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.


- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

I would say men like this are not one of “the good guys.” I know this type and they aren’t terrible human beings but you can see how they don’t really treat women all that well. They just want to take what they can and give as little as they can get away with. They aren’t very interested in who their SO is, just what they offer.

PP. For sure, I don’t think these guys are “good guys”.

But on the flip side, I don’t think females who target men for their earning potential are good, either. If you want money, make your own.

Basically my point is that it’s not enough to just be pretty anymore. You have to bring more to the table with these guys, they aren’t impressed by makeup or a nice body.

But what's impressive about them? They founded one company, big whoop.

Being a founder of a revenue creating company is a big whoop and makes them very attractive for gold diggers.

+1

This is true - because the gold diggers don't know the whole story, or where the money for the investment in the company came from, to begin with - for example.

Gold diggers are not too bright, by definition. I think the current generation is privy to what a gold digger smells like, thankfully.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

The “nice” guys aren’t always what they seem either.

+1. I hate this fallacy. So many nerds are just as misogynistic and entitled as the “frat bros”. I’m a female engineer and these clueless commenters clearly have little experience to make such sweeping and inaccurate generalizations.

+100!

I never understood that advice, either. Marry an unattractive, socially awkward nerd who's to check the marriage box and then resent him for the remainder of the marriage as he slips into the same misogyny the advice-givers claimed to have avoided.

? you must've married a dud. My DH engineer is not misogynistic. You need to find someone who doesn't mind cooking and cleaning, and who values and respects your input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College athletes with professional potential are probably the real catch.

What? Why??

I would have to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good target to me seems like 24-27. For example, if you find someone compatible in grad school, no need to reject that person just in order to "live life" and keep playing the field until your 30s.

That is when I met my husband. I needed to mature first and wouldn't have identified a good one until I started my career. At my husband when I had just turned 26 and was a few months shy of 25. I had a Master's Degree and was set in my career. I had a job prior to the one I was in when I met my husband. I had health benefits, great salary and a great trajectory for a career that would allow for great pay with lots of flexibility. Husband was in his first job, but was ready to launch independent to make more $. We fell in love pretty much instantly--hot, athletic, very smart, funny--and great earning potential both of us. We married 1.5 years later. I actually thought looks wise and package he was out of my league. He though the same about me. Lots of passion.

We were both pretty immature and still very much into the 'going out, party scene'--which is why we waited 7 years to have our first child. We are 52/53 now and 26/25 seems so young now, but we both found exactly what we wanted in a partner and even though he thought he'd wait until 30 to get married he pretty much told me he was going to marry me the night we met. We really align on just about everything in life. He quadrupled his pay the year after we got married, but by marrying me with a stable job/great health benefits, it allowed him to take a work risk that paid off handsomely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

The “nice” guys aren’t always what they seem either.

+1. I hate this fallacy. So many nerds are just as misogynistic and entitled as the “frat bros”. I’m a female engineer and these clueless commenters clearly have little experience to make such sweeping and inaccurate generalizations.

+100!

I never understood that advice, either. Marry an unattractive, socially awkward nerd who's to check the marriage box and then resent him for the remainder of the marriage as he slips into the same misogyny the advice-givers claimed to have avoided.

? you must've married a dud. My DH engineer is not misogynistic. You need to find someone who doesn't mind cooking and cleaning, and who values and respects your input.

... no one's coming for your non-misogynistic engineer DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

The bolded is pure bs. Who came up with that? The most desirable men I knew waited to settle until their 30s.

Couples who marry young are much more likely to divorce.

“The odds of divorce decline as you age from your teenage years through your late twenties and early thirties. Thereafter, the chances of divorce go up again as you move into your late thirties and early forties (all NSFG respondents are under 45). This is a marked departure from the way things used to be, when the relationship was relatively linear: the older you are when you first marry, the lower the odds of divorce. Period.”

Institute for Family Studies, research by Wolfinger 2015.

What bs. No one intelligent would be spouting a thing this extreme right wing propaganda group touts, The "Institute for Family Studies" is a joke. This is an extreme right wing propaganda group who promote early marriage. Any data from them is beyond suspect.

Cool, post research that disproves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good target to me seems like 24-27. For example, if you find someone compatible in grad school, no need to reject that person just in order to "live life" and keep playing the field until your 30s.

That is when I met my husband. I needed to mature first and wouldn't have identified a good one until I started my career. At my husband when I had just turned 26 and was a few months shy of 25. I had a Master's Degree and was set in my career. I had a job prior to the one I was in when I met my husband. I had health benefits, great salary and a great trajectory for a career that would allow for great pay with lots of flexibility. Husband was in his first job, but was ready to launch independent to make more $. We fell in love pretty much instantly--hot, athletic, very smart, funny--and great earning potential both of us. We married 1.5 years later. I actually thought looks wise and package he was out of my league. He though the same about me. Lots of passion.

We were both pretty immature and still very much into the 'going out, party scene'--which is why we waited 7 years to have our first child. We are 52/53 now and 26/25 seems so young now, but we both found exactly what we wanted in a partner and even though he thought he'd wait until 30 to get married he pretty much told me he was going to marry me the night we met. We really align on just about everything in life. He quadrupled his pay the year after we got married, but by marrying me with a stable job/great health benefits, it allowed him to take a work risk that paid off handsomely.

^ oh and my parents stressed education and ALWAYS having our own source of income/job/retirement. NEVER was it about landing a man. Oh god--NO! My parents raised us to be able to earn/support ourselves and never to rely 100% on someone else because you never know what will happen in life. Very sage advice. I did find a WAH job with great $ and benefits and didn't sacrifice time with my kids. My husband also does a lot of the chores and helps out. There isn't a big upset in power since we both earn and both help at home--even though with his salary I never would have had to work.

[Anonymous]

Why are we describing grown women as girls?

Why are women smart only if they get a husband ( early)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody taught me, it's just what I wanted. I considered someone marriage material if he envisioned marriage in his future. I wanted kids in my mid-30s and would openly talk about that, dismissing anyone who didn't want the same.

People who are organized, responsible, have good executive functioning, and know how to have fun without ruining the next day with a bad hangover. Good-enough social skills, doesn't have to be super smooth. Nobody with undiagnosed ADHD, nobody with an addiction, nobody who habitually lies or blames others for their shortcomings.

You don't have to have "everything planned out"-- life seldom goes to plan. You're looking for someone with the core personality traits to manage life well, and someone who wants the same things as you, whatever that may be.

The essential thing is not to spend time dating people who aren't marriage material and don't want the same things that you do. Get rid of those guys as quick as you can, to clear the way for the good matches.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.



Maybe it's the message sets sending you?

Interesting. I married my husband at 23. He had a master's in statistics. I was a nanny with a high school diploma. I knew I wanted to be a SAHM. Ten years later, we have two kids, and I work part-time. I met a lot of moms in my 7+ years as a nanny and the majority of them wanted to be a sahm or work part-time, but for whatever reason, they couldn't. I saw firsthand how hard it was gor them to balance work and kids. Even the SAHM, with hired help were stressed. I knew I didn't have a high-income potential, so I chose someone with a STEM degree. Some of my friends tried to hide it, but I knew they thought I was marrying too young. Guess which ones are almost 40 and unmarried? Having the man be the plan has worked out for me.

It's true that a man is a pretty good plan for many women.

I’m a DP but this is unnecessarily simplistic. “A man is not a plan” sure. But a man can either enhance your plan or derail your plan and most women I know who have really difficult lives have had their plans upended by a man. The PP made the man her whole plan, but plenty of women find themselves taking career hits when their partner won’t step up and parent, so their plans are still going to be impacted.

I am the earlier pp who made the man my plan, and this was one of the reasons! As a nanny, I saw the career women stressed. I saw once they got home, they had another job. I worked with 10+ families, probably more because I would work two or three part-time jobs. My life with my husband is far from perfect. I am resentful when I come home from work, and the house is an absolute mess. That said, I am financially better off than my friends who aren't married or even in relationships. It's important that we are all self-aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

My mom specifically pointed out and explained all of the bad marriages in our orbit, starting in middle school. I married a fantastic guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

My mom specifically pointed out and explained all of the bad marriages in our orbit, starting in middle school. I married a fantastic guy.

Umm… yeah. The posters of Dcum aren’t known for their relaxed attitudes about anything. Seems unlikely they didn’t hear from their Mothers early and often what sort of man is a decent earner with husband potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be patient. Don’t expect the fairytale. It seems the guy with no game or who doesn’t know how to wine and dine and charm girls…. are out of practice or are desperate for a first love. (The best charmers are the best playas). My friends still looking complain when a guy doesn’t make the first move, is too shy, etc.

My DH had lower self-esteem In dating. He had high confidence in his money management, investing, and academic skills though. I liked

He actually admitted that he was so done with dating and being rejected that when we met our 1st year of grad school that I was “good enough”( and just him saying that shows that he had no idea of what NOT to say to a girl
He was interested in.) Now He tells our 16yo “it’s not worth it; when you find the right girl, don’t keep looking; just settle down and spend that dating energy On building your relationship and wealth”.

He grew into the kindest, most handsome, athletic, charming $1M banking executive. We’ve been together for 21 years; married for 19. Neither of us have baggage of previous long term relationships.

Most of the guys I knew in undergrad wanted to pay around. Not sure you heard the story from the girls perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

My mom specifically pointed out and explained all of the bad marriages in our orbit, starting in middle school. I married a fantastic guy.

Yeah, you still got lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College athletes with professional potential are probably the real catch.

What? Why??

I would have to disagree.

Professional sports have lot of money.