Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

My mom got married at a very young age and became a SAHM. She wanted me to have a career and be independent.

[Anonymous]

"How to lock down a great husband you won't have sex with after you have kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How to lock down a great husband you won't have sex with after you have kids"

Welp, Biology is destiny…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

+1 smart girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

The accuracy 🎯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College athletes with professional potential are probably the real catch.

What? Why??

I would have to disagree.

Professional sports have lot of money.

And their track record for fidelity, honesty, and commitment to one partner is very poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.

- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

A lot of them go to church? Gen z generally isn’t churchgoers, especially entrepreneurs.

Do you work in venture capital in Utah?

I'm thinking Indians in Northern California

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

My mom specifically pointed out and explained all of the bad marriages in our orbit, starting in middle school. I married a fantastic guy.

Umm… yeah. The posters of Dcum aren’t known for their relaxed attitudes about anything. Seems unlikely they didn’t hear from their Mothers early and often what sort of man is a decent earner with husband potential.

She wasn’t explaining how to get a top earner. More focused on how to actually fall in love and avoid losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Curious, how old are you and what's your crowd is like?

I'm 43, white, female, professional, graduate degree, liberal. My friend group is largely the same. HHIs around 250k-400k.

Most of my female friends treats their husbands like crap, bossing/belittling/yelling at them in public, mostly fueled by their anxiety but, regardless, I wouldn't tolerate being treated so unkindly. I only have one female friend who doesn't see sex as a chore, but she's into the poly/kink scene, so an outlier. A couple of the husbands are cheaters or have wandering eyes. A couple are useless man-children -- under- or unemployed but also zero help with the children or domestic stuff. Several of both sexes are plagued by mental health issues (anxiety, ADHD, bipolar) that make living with them hard. Yeah. It's kinda depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

The accuracy 🎯

Correct. In literally every marriage I know at least one of the people has a massive flaw or drawback and another person who makes it work and keeps it alive. These include:

-long term unemployment and deeply passive
-flagrant serial infidelity
-extremely dull almost non-interactive personality
-obesity
-shameless flirtation with wife’s friends and alcohol abuse
-all around dud with no standout qualities and self-centered
-manchild who earns very little and was previously divorced with a kid
-insufferably sanctimonious while being incredibly materialistic and controlling
-bald/overweight/neurotic/chronic antidepressants
-alcoholism
-both partners are abusive
-dimwit
-extremely socially conservative Trump supporter and donor

Every one of these is highly educated with top graduate degrees and all except the unemployed and manchild earn over $350K, some multiples of that. All are married to much less flawed women who earn over $250K except one SAHM.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH when we were 20. We were super in love with each other, but plot twist: he moved to another college and we broke up, but kept in touch. Then, he got married at 24. I was stunned. I felt nowhere close to that, but was heartbroken. I got married at 30. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't right, either. I got divorced at 35. Guess who else was divorced? Now we're married.

He says he wishes we were married all along, but I'm not sure. I was really too young then, with issues to work out. I had trauma and was immature for my age. Delayed marriage meant that I got a real career going.and I had lots of experiences with friends in my 20s that are so important to me, I can't imagine not having had them. Basically, I was a different, and better person at 35 than I was in my early 20s. And I don't know that early-20s me could have made marriage work, even with my ideal person. I think I am an outlier though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

But what matters is what the two people who are in a marriage think makes a good partner, not what you personally think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

The accuracy 🎯

Correct. In literally every marriage I know at least one of the people has a massive flaw or drawback and another person who makes it work and keeps it alive. These include:

-long term unemployment and deeply passive
-flagrant serial infidelity
-extremely dull almost non-interactive personality
-obesity
-shameless flirtation with wife’s friends and alcohol abuse
-all around dud with no standout qualities and self-centered
-manchild who earns very little and was previously divorced with a kid
-insufferably sanctimonious while being incredibly materialistic and controlling
-bald/overweight/neurotic/chronic antidepressants
-alcoholism
-both partners are abusive
-dimwit
-extremely socially conservative Trump supporter and donor

Every one of these is highly educated with top graduate degrees and all except the unemployed and manchild earn over $350K, some multiples of that. All are married to much less flawed women who earn over $250K except one SAHM.

You appear to have an unusually sorry group of friends. Where did you meet all these people?

Your friend group is definitely not the norm, but I can see how knowing people like this might skew your view of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

What makes them "happy" and where do you think they're lacking in partnership qualities?