Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

Considerate, though, is forever. Choosing considerate over “loud and aggressive” is typically going to benefit the woman in the long term. There are outliers sure, but the smart money is on someone with brains who adores you.

[Anonymous]

This is such a sad yet hilarious thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, then guys should also go after National Merit Scholars and GPA queens instead of going for cheerleaders and sorority girls.

Plenty do. We are living in an era of assortative mating, a trend DCUM seems pretty ignorant about, TBH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Hang out in the engineering department, and not the frat boy party houses, for one.

I dated and married an engineer and he turned out to be gay. Another one was a total alpha male type that couldn't communicate anything. Engineering dudes are too weird unless they can communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.



Maybe it's the message sets sending you?

Interesting. I married my husband at 23. He had a master's in statistics. I was a nanny with a high school diploma. I knew I wanted to be a SAHM. Ten years later, we have two kids, and I work part-time. I met a lot of moms in my 7+ years as a nanny and the majority of them wanted to be a sahm or work part-time, but for whatever reason, they couldn't. I saw firsthand how hard it was gor them to balance work and kids. Even the SAHM, with hired help were stressed. I knew I didn't have a high-income potential, so I chose someone with a STEM degree. Some of my friends tried to hide it, but I knew they thought I was marrying too young. Guess which ones are almost 40 and unmarried? Having the man be the plan has worked out for me.

It's true that a man is a pretty good plan for many women.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of these girls but it wasn't a conscious decision to nab a high earner. I didn't date and family is central to everything in our lives, so if I liked a guy it had to be someone I could see building a home/family with. The cute crushes were fine for flirtation, but I didn't build anything beyond friendships with those guys. My husband and I have been together since I was 18. Married in mid twenties. I think a lot of it is luck. Some of it is maybe an intuitive understanding of compatibility. I'm not a risk taker or thrill seeker. I wanted someone to whom I was attracted but also someone who felt stable and comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Funny that I was just having a similar discussion with my high school son the other day about this topic. He was telling me most of the girls he knows seem to be attracted to jerky guys who don't treat them that well. My DS isn't a saint, and definitely isn't a doormat. Enjoys music, playing tennis and cross country, and can be a bit "cerebral" when it comes to philosophical discussions. He also isn't big on social media and prefer to talk to people rather than hang on the phone all day. I think girls think he's an odd ball for not having an instagram account or not being on snapchat. He does not even swear. For me, he's a great guy -- funny, athletic, enjoys cooking and probably on the nerdy side when it comes to academics. Yet, it seems like girls only see him as friends and nothing outside of that at this point. I tried to explain to him that he's growing into a great human being, but that sometimes girls don't appreciate people like him until they are older. He tells me that I'm his mom and that I'm supposed to say nice things to boost his confidence.

I think women can be kinda dumb. We chase the bad boys and then wonder why they treat us so poorly.

\

This is a very interesting juxtaposition IMO. Nothing written above indicates that DS would treat women well. For the record, I'm not saying that as an insult or anything against him; you only listed a few of his hobbies that are more prone to being done alone, that he's not into social media, and that girls his age aren't meeting him where he's at, but none of that correlates to treating women either well or badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.

- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

I would say men like this are not one of “the good guys.” I know this type and they aren’t terrible human beings but you can see how they don’t really treat women all that well. They just want to take what they can and give as little as they can get away with. They aren’t very interested in who their SO is, just what they offer.

PP. For sure, I don’t think these guys are “good guys”.

But on the flip side, I don’t think females who target men for their earning potential are good, either. If you want money, make your own.

Basically my point is that it’s not enough to just be pretty anymore. You have to bring more to the table with these guys, they aren’t impressed by makeup or a nice body.

But what's impressive about them? They founded one company, big whoop.

PP. I mean, I agree with you. I’m not super impressed by a 23 year old who (in all honesty) swindled a bunch of money.

But that’s kinda the whole point. The guys are obsessed with making money. The girls are obsessed with landing a guy with money. None of them are all that impressive, and I doubt many of them will have successful long term marriages.

Since these guys now want women who bring their own money and ambition to the table, any woman who wants wealth should focus on making her own. I’m not impressed by a 20 year old girl who can diet and surgically alter herself to hotness, and neither are these guys.

I'm the PP you responded to. "Swindling" is perfect for what I wanted to say.

That said, I think the girls are going into it with suuuuper short-sighted ambitions. Swindling a bunch of money once doesn't mean he can replicate that and keep growing his net worth, which is what the girls are after. Plus, if a girl has money herself, why would she fall for a swindler with a mile-long list of demands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.



Maybe it's the message sets sending you?

Interesting. I married my husband at 23. He had a master's in statistics. I was a nanny with a high school diploma. I knew I wanted to be a SAHM. Ten years later, we have two kids, and I work part-time. I met a lot of moms in my 7+ years as a nanny and the majority of them wanted to be a sahm or work part-time, but for whatever reason, they couldn't. I saw firsthand how hard it was gor them to balance work and kids. Even the SAHM, with hired help were stressed. I knew I didn't have a high-income potential, so I chose someone with a STEM degree. Some of my friends tried to hide it, but I knew they thought I was marrying too young. Guess which ones are almost 40 and unmarried? Having the man be the plan has worked out for me.

It's true that a man is a pretty good plan for many women.

I’m a DP but this is unnecessarily simplistic. “A man is not a plan” sure. But a man can either enhance your plan or derail your plan and most women I know who have really difficult lives have had their plans upended by a man. The PP made the man her whole plan, but plenty of women find themselves taking career hits when their partner won’t step up and parent, so their plans are still going to be impacted.

[Anonymous]

Be patient. Don’t expect the fairytale. It seems the guy with no game or who doesn’t know how to wine and dine and charm girls…. are out of practice or are desperate for a first love. (The best charmers are the best playas). My friends still looking complain when a guy doesn’t make the first move, is too shy, etc.

My DH had lower self-esteem In dating. He had high confidence in his money management, investing, and academic skills though. I liked

He actually admitted that he was so done with dating and being rejected that when we met our 1st year of grad school that I was “good enough”( and just him saying that shows that he had no idea of what NOT to say to a girl
He was interested in.) Now He tells our 16yo “it’s not worth it; when you find the right girl, don’t keep looking; just settle down and spend that dating energy On building your relationship and wealth”.

He grew into the kindest, most handsome, athletic, charming $1M banking executive. We’ve been together for 21 years; married for 19. Neither of us have baggage of previous long term relationships.

[Anonymous]

Love, attraction and compatibility matters, potential can't make you happy. It can only pay your bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love, attraction and compatibility matters, potential can't make you happy. It can only pay your bills.

Very true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Curious, how old are you and what's your crowd is like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be patient. Don’t expect the fairytale. It seems the guy with no game or who doesn’t know how to wine and dine and charm girls…. are out of practice or are desperate for a first love. (The best charmers are the best playas). My friends still looking complain when a guy doesn’t make the first move, is too shy, etc.

My DH had lower self-esteem In dating. He had high confidence in his money management, investing, and academic skills though. I liked

He actually admitted that he was so done with dating and being rejected that when we met our 1st year of grad school that I was “good enough”( and just him saying that shows that he had no idea of what NOT to say to a girl
He was interested in.) Now He tells our 16yo “it’s not worth it; when you find the right girl, don’t keep looking; just settle down and spend that dating energy On building your relationship and wealth”.

He grew into the kindest, most handsome, athletic, charming $1M banking executive. We’ve been together for 21 years; married for 19. Neither of us have baggage of previous long term relationships.

YIKES. What made you agree to a second date after that, or to continue the first one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Hang out in the engineering department, and not the frat boy party houses, for one.

I dated and married an engineer and he turned out to be gay. Another one was a total alpha male type that couldn't communicate anything. Engineering dudes are too weird unless they can communicate.

Most engineers do not communicate well, and have too many issues - socially and otherwise. You don't think it is a big deal, until you are in the middle of it, then it is ugly.

There are plenty of arsehole engineers and plenty of sweet (not engineers) to go around. Know what you are getting into, and how much you are willing to tolerate, because no man (and no woman) is perfect - no matter their lack of or "abundance" of looks, lack of of or "abundance" of money or whatever - it is never as it seems. Never.