Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

Sometimes frat bros wind up making lots of money in finance or real estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

Sometimes frat bros wind up making lots of money in finance or real estate.

dp.. sure, but a lot of them retain their frat bro attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Op here. Well I wasted my time on the social good looking frat boys.

Yeah. You have to avoid the bros. A smart, nice, hardworking guy is better.

Sometimes frat bros wind up making lots of money in finance or real estate.

Sure. But money doesn’t make up for being married to a frat bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You don't have to have "everything planned out"-- life seldom goes to plan. You're looking for someone with the core personality traits to manage life well, and someone who wants the same things as you, whatever that may be.

The essential thing is not to spend time dating people who aren't marriage material and don't want the same things that you do. Get rid of those guys as quick as you can, to clear the way for the good matches.

This.

My DH and I locked each other down in HS. I make 3x what he does. We have always been a team and he is awesome. We want the same things out of life and are very compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UGH. I was taught to use my looks to snag a rich man early. That life SUCKS.

Whoever has the money makes the rules. It’s absolutely not worth it.

Make your own money. I’ve found it much more fulfilling to invest the time and energy I spend snagging my rich xH into building myself, and it’s a million times better.

My husband and I met in college. We married young. We have made our own money, but we did it together. We have supported each other financially, sure, but also emotionally, professionally, and socially. Now I think some people would call us rich. We had very little when we married so we’ve built everything together.

He was one of many guys I dated in college. He was good-looking, smart, and nice, and we dated off and on but we were always friends regardless of whether we were dating. He didn’t want to change me, or make me be someone I’m not. He did and does accept me as I am, but he also encourages me to grow and learn because he knows how much I like that. Accepting me as I was, and encouraging my growth, felt important to me. That’s how I knew I would never do any better in a partner.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it is I knew what I was worth. I didnt waste time messing around with guys who didn't treat me how I deserved.

[Anonymous]

1) Don't waste time on incompatible people, or people who behave badly or treat you badly. Try to avoid becoming emotionally attached to someone who isn't a good match-- that way lies heartache.

2) You have to behave. No excessive drinking, no over-spending or consumer debt, take your education and job seriously, don't be flaky, have generally polite manners.

3) This kind of guy is a "builder" personality type. They're looking for a reliable teammate who will work with them on the long-term project of family and career. If you're not into that, that's fine. But that's what this kind of guy is like, and they usually pair with other "builder" personalities. The really successful long-term marriages are often between two builders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You wait too long and all that's left are players and angry incels. Thank good for my college sweetheart.

I remember at the age of 27 that I was just gonna sit around and wait until they re-shuffle the deck. Lol. I married a great guy 29 who had a previous starter marriage under his belt. There is hope for those of us who are late bloomers and not able to lock anything down while we’re in undergrad.

[Anonymous]

My mom did actually explicitly teach me to look for someone who would put me first when I needed it. In college, maybe I didn't really "need" it, but I could spot a guy who would do that down the road when he took time to bring me food when I was cramming for an exam or a treat when I was working late at night on a paper deadline, even when inconvenient for them. I think this behavior correlates with success. It has in our case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Don't waste time on incompatible people, or people who behave badly or treat you badly. Try to avoid becoming emotionally attached to someone who isn't a good match-- that way lies heartache.

2) You have to behave. No excessive drinking, no over-spending or consumer debt, take your education and job seriously, don't be flaky, have generally polite manners.

3) This kind of guy is a "builder" personality type. They're looking for a reliable teammate who will work with them on the long-term project of family and career. If you're not into that, that's fine. But that's what this kind of guy is like, and they usually pair with other "builder" personalities. The really successful long-term marriages are often between two builders.

+1

I find this to be true, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:don't go for looks; go for the slightly nerdy guys who will treat you like a queen and who aren't into partying.

My sister's goal was to marry an engineer, which she did at 23.

Who are these guys and how to identify them?

Hang out in the engineering department, and not the frat boy party houses, for one.

Ok but as an adult where do you find them? All the engineers in my office are married.

Online on Match or similar

Or alumni association events for your scgool

[Anonymous]

Find someone with the same values you have. Since you're looking for income potential, OP, go where the men with those values are -- either weed them out in profiles on online dating (if you can, lots of liars there) or start looking on...I guess...LinkedIn. Or join whatever club they're joining. Because what you want sounds infinitely more like a business transaction than an actual relationship that will still be strong when you're both older, or one of you gets seriously ill, or you lose income (horrors!!), or he doesn't get that promotion he needs to climb the ladder to that $$ you and he expect, or you gain a pound or two, or he loses his hair....

[Anonymous]

As a good looking (but not great looking) man who earns a lot, I find this thread to be a little creepy.

But... I do like the fact that, now that I am divorced and a lot of women have changed their priorities, my options are pretty good. I'm a lot more popular than I was in my 20s. Some middle aged women have been pursuing me pretty aggressively. Sometimes I want to say to these women "Where the hell were you when I was all alone for weekend after weekend?"

[Anonymous]

But it rarely lasts.

[Anonymous]

One of my sisters met her husband at freshman orientation. He’s in biglaw now. Another one met her husband at a big internship event for a FAANG company. He was an engineer, she was in HR.