Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?
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Anonymous
| ^ like finds like. The only person that wants to sleep with you is another narcissistic liar betraying her own spouse and family. Really, your AP is as low class and low quality as you are. |
Anonymous
Yes, it must be me. I'm sure she still wants to have sex, just not with me, right? Because I'm such a brute of a man. You are a riot. Is that how you feel towards your husband? Blowing things up right now would not be good for her. I would be much better off than her if we divorced but, as I said, there are 100 reasons people don't divorce. I didn't go into any of them or mention anything about the rest of our relationship besides our lack of sex. Neither of us wants to end our marriage. This is far from ideal, but it works for now. Does anyone in a marriage, man or woman, really not understand the likely consequences of deciding to end their sex life with their spouse? Serious question I've asked here before and it never gets answered. |
Anonymous
Yes, thank God there are just as many men who deny their wives sex that APs are not hard to find. And they feel just as betrayed for being denied. |
Anonymous
FWIW, I'm a woman and I think you're doing the least worst thing, given your options. |
Anonymous
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Cant add anything here.
Have a wife and 3 daughters. Even if I didn't love them all and love my wife, and even if I was someone with such an opportunity which I am not, and even if I were a lot of things.....the last thing I need is another needy female around. If I have some free time unaccounted for, I'd play some video games or read a book. |
Anonymous
Great. Give me some better options that don't include me just accepting that I'll never have sex again while not blowing up my marriage. |
Anonymous
Fixed that for you. Yes managing another female is tough. You have to have rules and set boundaries in an affair. |
Anonymous
Great. Give me some better options that don't include me just accepting that I'll never have sex again while not blowing up my marriage. My apologies. I didn't read that correctly. I missed the word, "least." Than you for understanding. |
Anonymous
True. They are delusional like that. I’ve been married 22 years and we were having sex 3-4 times per week still. Then my dad was terminally ill for 2 years, I lost 15 pounds (And I was very fit and thin to begin with so not good) and was an emotional wreck. He died and I was in mourning. I would shut my eyes and cry during sex because I was so hurt about losing my dad and was still fulfilling his needs. Yes- I probably should have gone to grief counseling. He had no idea. So, understandably, it wasn’t 3-4 times per week during that period. But it was picking up again as I was coming out of grief. For a spouse of 22 years to run off and find another married person to cheat with during that time instead of helping his wife work through grief from the death of a father she talked to daily and had an incredibly close relationship (as did he)—that is some vile selfish narcissistic behavior. He justifies by saying he was helpful to me, my mom and kids during that time. Yet he was in touch with her the whole time but couldn’t see her in person. Jesus- fking Christ Men like that guy and my husband are incredibly selfish self-centered people that are narcissists. Textbook. It’s always about them. Cold and callous. |
Anonymous
Such a coward reply. Again, it's making the decision for her that's the problem. You'll divorce her anyway when it's convenient for you so why not at least be a man and give her the option now. All you've said above are you rationalization of the situation because you're not doing the right thing by your wife because you want to have your cake and eat it too. She's kept in dark about this because it's convenient for you to do so now. You have rationalization above and it's focused on your narcissistic self. See other post about how women are blinded by their husband's cheating. Do the right thing for her and for yourself. Go find someone else you'll be happy with at this point and give your wife a chance to find someone else when she's still relatively young. You're just a selfish a-hole. And stop saying that women who disagree with you are harpies who aren't intimate with their husbands. Stop it. It's not true. We disagree because you're in the wrong. Along with your rationalization of a wrong act, this is just another trope that you use to attack people when they disagree with you. Do the right thing. Tell your wife. |
Anonymous
+1 Agree fm my own personal & friends' experiences. Either it's some underlying motivation/dysfunction within the cheater (these folks prob shouldn't be married); or the relationship is no longer worth saving, but they keep up the pretense for the kids. |
Anonymous
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My husband cane from an extremely f@cked up childhood. Dad was an alcoholic. He repeatedly and boldly cheated on his mother, fights, abuse. She kicked him out. When his dad had them for visitation he would have his current whore over and sit my husband and his brother in front of the tv while he left and went to the bedroom. His mother was broken and had so much hatred and was working to support 2 kids. He and his brother were emotionally neglected.
I did not know the full extent of this trauma when we were dating and married, or how bad it actually was. He repressed it, never talked about it also said his dad was pathetic and he would never end up like his dad. Like many people with these backgrounds, the trauma not addressed builds and most will crash in middle age. He changed overnight and starting exhibiting behavior like his dad (though successful and not an alcoholic) he started displaying anger, entitlement became harsh, nasty and judgemental. He hated himself and started going on Ashley Madison to find women to have sex with to numb the pain and find admiration and praise to help his ego. He justified his actions my gaslighting. He stated hating himself more and more and then began to drink just so he could go out and meet his affair partner—he couldn’t without alcohol. He completely imploded his perfect life and happy marriage by repression and not getting help and refusing to confront the pain. That was the mind of one cheater. Some it’s because of childhood trauma. |
Anonymous
+1. I also called this narcissistic jerk out on his self-serving rationalizations. He's too selfish and self-absorbed to get it - he needs therapy, but won't get that, either. Claiming his wife wants the marriage right now, too, is just wrong because his wife is being lied to and does not have all the information to make an informed decision. And to the narcissistic jerk, your narrative is wrong. I have been married 25 years and my DH and still have sex regularly - but he's not a selfish guy with entitlement issues, like you are. |
Anonymous
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^at 26 he was so passionate about never getting a divorce, never being unfaithful and not being like his dad who I met several times.
I was naive to think that since he experienced all that he would never do that to his own wife and kids. That was my mistake, but he was a great thoughtful loving guy and all around nice person. Former classmates, employers all talked about what a great guy he was and he would do good deeds (more than me) thoughtful when co-workers has cancer—visiting bringing meals, coaching our kids teams. Life was good until he turned 40 and then each passing year he changed more and more until he essentially morphed into the man he despised. |
Anonymous
(1) You are depriving her of her right to know the truth about her marriage and making the unilateral decision about what would or would not be "good for her." (2) How do you know she wouldn't want to end the marriage, if she knew the truth? Again, you're speaking for her when she doesn't even know the truth. |