Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Curious what made you divorce if it was a one-off mistake and you have kids? Did you entertain the idea of staying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Curious what made you divorce if it was a one-off mistake and you have kids? Did you entertain the idea of staying?

NP and this is an intentionally loaded question.

Why are people more judgmental of people who elect not to remain in unions where they’re fundamentally disrespected, rather than directing that curiosity and judgment toward the people who CHEAT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Curious what made you divorce if it was a one-off mistake and you have kids? Did you entertain the idea of staying?

My spouse had cheated before and wasted the second chance offered to him after loads of counseling and marital therapy. Wasn’t getting a third chance and he knew it. Don’t think it was his AP’s first rodeo either. They stayed together a little longer from my understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

Why were they both fired?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

Why were they both fired?

Probably company policy not to bang other co-workers. The fact they were both married probably made it even more untenable to upper management.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get this question. Affairs are common place, especially one night stands. Majority of spouses never find out. And they have been occurring since the down of time. They are not some phenomenon or rare occurrence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

How did they get caught?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

How did they get caught?

+1. Even if it was "known" informally, it's another level that someone brought it to the attention of management, and that he now can't even work in the same industry. Sounds more serious (maybe allegations by the woman?) than a mutual one time thing.

And is OP saying that this was actually the H's second (known) infraction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

How did they get caught?

+1. Even if it was "known" informally, it's another level that someone brought it to the attention of management, and that he now can't even work in the same industry. Sounds more serious (maybe allegations by the woman?) than a mutual one time thing.

And is OP saying that this was actually the H's second (known) infraction?

Can’t be trusted. Probably were gross and nasty at work and co-workers that were disgusted by them tipped off management.

Karma, baby.

[Anonymous]

Affairs are common place, especially one night stands.

This is so NOT true
If it happens you're going to quote from statistics, people who are married multiple times drive the numbers way up. Or the same people cheating multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

Why were they both fired?

Probably company policy not to bang other co-workers. The fact they were both married probably made it even more untenable to upper management.

Yes, affairs were a no for their employer. Both terminated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

How did they get caught?

+1. Even if it was "known" informally, it's another level that someone brought it to the attention of management, and that he now can't even work in the same industry. Sounds more serious (maybe allegations by the woman?) than a mutual one time thing.

And is OP saying that this was actually the H's second (known) infraction?

His second time cheating in general, first time cheating with a colleague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out.

I had a husband who was the picture of a family man and claimed to be happy with me, and he got drunk and slept with a colleague during a company outing. Claims it was not premeditated or planned, just a dumb decision in the moment. There was no intention in telling the spouses. But then it was all discovered, both lost their jobs, and her husband and I divorced them.

The wounds from their selfish choices are something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and who knows how all of this will impact the six kids our families have between us who now have to live with the repercussions of one of their parents making terrible decisions that stole their stability and ripped apart their families.

Oh man. An hour of selfish pleasure took down two families painfully. How did the two cheaters work out?

He lost his career and is trying to start in a different industry. Essentially lost all financial footing. She is working in industry still to my knowledge. They have no contact from what others have told me.

How did they get caught?

Turned in by colleagues, one tipped off her husband too then I found out