Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out."

Someone posted this above, and I think this is essentially true, especially for men. I cheated, and this was essentially why. Sex is great, sex with someone new is hot, I thought it was an opportunity that would never present itself again and I was fairly sure I wouldn't get caught.

Did you?

Do you have any guilt? Do you feel that it is fair that you changed the parameters of your relationship with your wife without her permission and took away her agency and potentially exposed her to disease?

I did not get caught. It was 5 years ago so hopefully in the clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out."

Someone posted this above, and I think this is essentially true, especially for men. I cheated, and this was essentially why. Sex is great, sex with someone new is hot, I thought it was an opportunity that would never present itself again and I was fairly sure I wouldn't get caught.

Was anything particularly wrong with your marriage? Were you and your wife regularly having sex? (I am assuming you are a man) Did you consider your wife’s feelings or your own personal integrity? Even if the risk seemed low, the cost of getting caught is SO HIGH- your marriage, your money, your time with your kids, your reputation are all on the line.

My wife and I were rarely having sex. It was a topic of conversation and frustration.

In retrospect, it was a crazy, risky decision. But I think you overestimate the ability of men to think clearly with their brain when aroused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out."

Someone posted this above, and I think this is essentially true, especially for men. I cheated, and this was essentially why. Sex is great, sex with someone new is hot, I thought it was an opportunity that would never present itself again and I was fairly sure I wouldn't get caught.

Was anything particularly wrong with your marriage? Were you and your wife regularly having sex? (I am assuming you are a man) Did you consider your wife’s feelings or your own personal integrity? Even if the risk seemed low, the cost of getting caught is SO HIGH- your marriage, your money, your time with your kids, your reputation are all on the line.

My wife and I were rarely having sex. It was a topic of conversation and frustration.

In retrospect, it was a crazy, risky decision. But I think you overestimate the ability of men to think clearly with their brain when aroused

Do you feel guilt? How did this happen? Were you just traveling by yourself and an attractive woman threw herself at you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"In a lot of cases it is opportunity + feeling deserving + thinking nobody will find out."

Someone posted this above, and I think this is essentially true, especially for men. I cheated, and this was essentially why. Sex is great, sex with someone new is hot, I thought it was an opportunity that would never present itself again and I was fairly sure I wouldn't get caught.

Was anything particularly wrong with your marriage? Were you and your wife regularly having sex? (I am assuming you are a man) Did you consider your wife’s feelings or your own personal integrity? Even if the risk seemed low, the cost of getting caught is SO HIGH- your marriage, your money, your time with your kids, your reputation are all on the line.

My wife and I were rarely having sex. It was a topic of conversation and frustration.

In retrospect, it was a crazy, risky decision. But I think you overestimate the ability of men to think clearly with their brain when aroused

Do you feel guilt? How did this happen? Were you just traveling by yourself and an attractive woman threw herself at you?

It was someone I met while traveling for work. She messaged me in follow up and was the aggressor, so to speak. She was in a sexless marriage. She is now divorced.

I don't know if guilt is really a word that applies, I suppose I compartmentalize it as something that happened and is in the past. I am sure I would feel guilty if I got caught and hurt others.