Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I like sex.  I will have sex.  My wife has determined she no longer wants sex.  Good for her.  I don't accept her decision for the both of us.  So I'll get sex elsewhere and there are so many people, men and women, in this situation that it's not hard to find.

As for, why don't I just divorce her, then go get the sex?  That is such a naive question. There are 100s of reasons why couples stay together yet go outside of marriage for sex.  Eventually, we will divorce but that doesn't work for me right now.

And no, I don't have a don't ask, don't tell agreement, or any agreement at all.  While she doesn't want sex, she still expects sexual monogamy. Yes, it's an insane situation that I put up with for too long, but now longer.  It's really the best situation it can be at the moment.  I don't bother her for sex, or act in any way towards her that is angry or resentful.  She either chooses to be totally clueless, or she really is if she thinks I just gave up on sex because she did.

If you won't give your spouse sex, don't worry about them going elsewhere for it until the time they stop bothering you about yet seem to be a bit more pleasant for unexplained reasons.[/quote]

Your tone reads to me as very "big man."  I WILL get what I want.  I WILL do what I want.  If you're truly that big and bold why don't you TELL YOUR WIFE you're having sex with others?  That would take real guts.  Let her make an informed decision if SHE WANTS to stay married to you.[/quote]I could tell her but I don't for the same reason I go elsewhere for sex.  To keep the peace.  There isn't anything I can do to change her mind or re-spark her interest in sex.  So I go out and quietly get it with someone in the same situation.  It's not ideal but it's better than it was before where I was holding in a lot of resentment towards her.  As for letting her make an informed decision  to stay married?  Are you kidding me?  She knows everything she needs to know besides that I have an AP.  She knows I still have a strong sex drive.  She knows that she has decided to permanently end our sex life, something we once enjoyed.  And we had a great sex life.  She has decided to stay married in this situation and decided that I just need to deal with it, like it or not.  I tried for years to let her know how this affects us, and our likely future.  But she has zero interest in addressing it.  It just isn't a problem to her.  She has decided to stay married in this situation.  I've decided to stay married to her and not bother her about our lack of sex life anymore.  I NEVER mention anymore and she seems happy with how things are.  Telling her about my AP and blowing things up is not a good decision right now.[/quote]

FWIW, I'm a woman and I think you're doing the least worst thing, given your options.[/quote]  Great. Give me some better options that don't include me just accepting that I'll never have sex again while not blowing up my marriage.[/quote]

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