Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of divorces....40%+....plus the number of people who cheat but don’t divorce the better question may be the mindset of the non-cheater. I’m a male, I’ve been married 34 years and I’ve never cheated. Have I been tempted? Of course! I am blessed with a wonderful wife, great kids, good health and money in the bank. We have always had a wonderful sex life so there is no reason for me to cheat. But I have been tempted and have come close to cheating so even with my great life I’ve come close. A less great life and who knows what might have happened. I think the stars have to really be aligned in your favor to not cheat.

This exactly. I wonder if peoplw like OP have a sex drive. I mean, not a glimmer but a real, strong, at times all consuming drive that most men (and I am sure some women) have.

I was like you, PP. Then my wife lost all interest in sex, we have a special needs kid so divorce wasn't so easy. An opportunity presented itself and it was too good to be true (and it was amazing to be sexually satisfied again)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of divorces....40%+....plus the number of people who cheat but don’t divorce the better question may be the mindset of the non-cheater. I’m a male, I’ve been married 34 years and I’ve never cheated. Have I been tempted? Of course! I am blessed with a wonderful wife, great kids, good health and money in the bank. We have always had a wonderful sex life so there is no reason for me to cheat. But I have been tempted and have come close to cheating so even with my great life I’ve come close. A less great life and who knows what might have happened. I think the stars have to really be aligned in your favor to not cheat.

This exactly. I wonder if peoplw like OP have a sex drive. I mean, not a glimmer but a real, strong, at times all consuming drive that most men (and I am sure some women) have.

I was like you, PP. Then my wife lost all interest in sex, we have a special needs kid so divorce wasn't so easy. An opportunity presented itself and it was too good to be true (and it was amazing to be sexually satisfied again)

PP - I have a strong sex drive but I think my happiness drive is higher and that keeps the sex drive under control. Why screw up a great life for one hot night? But I can certainly understand your situation.

[Anonymous]

Many it’s childhood issues and lack of self esteem.

They need constant validation. Throw in some narcissism and selfishness and it’s a perfect storm.

[Anonymous]

Ask a married guy on Tinder. There are tons of them.

[Anonymous]

For me it wasn’t the sex with another person that I find unforgivable. The lies I was told so they could have that side relationship is what hurts the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of divorces....40%+....plus the number of people who cheat but don’t divorce the better question may be the mindset of the non-cheater. I’m a male, I’ve been married 34 years and I’ve never cheated. Have I been tempted? Of course! I am blessed with a wonderful wife, great kids, good health and money in the bank. We have always had a wonderful sex life so there is no reason for me to cheat. But I have been tempted and have come close to cheating so even with my great life I’ve come close. A less great life and who knows what might have happened. I think the stars have to really be aligned in your favor to not cheat.

This exactly. I wonder if peoplw like OP have a sex drive. I mean, not a glimmer but a real, strong, at times all consuming drive that most men (and I am sure some women) have.

I was like you, PP. Then my wife lost all interest in sex, we have a special needs kid so divorce wasn't so easy. An opportunity presented itself and it was too good to be true (and it was amazing to be sexually satisfied again)

I wonder if people like PP are sex addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the number of divorces....40%+....plus the number of people who cheat but don’t divorce the better question may be the mindset of the non-cheater. I’m a male, I’ve been married 34 years and I’ve never cheated. Have I been tempted? Of course! I am blessed with a wonderful wife, great kids, good health and money in the bank. We have always had a wonderful sex life so there is no reason for me to cheat. But I have been tempted and have come close to cheating so even with my great life I’ve come close. A less great life and who knows what might have happened. I think the stars have to really be aligned in your favor to not cheat.

This exactly. I wonder if peoplw like OP have a sex drive. I mean, not a glimmer but a real, strong, at times all consuming drive that most men (and I am sure some women) have.

I was like you, PP. Then my wife lost all interest in sex, we have a special needs kid so divorce wasn't so easy. An opportunity presented itself and it was too good to be true (and it was amazing to be sexually satisfied again)

I wonder if people like PP are sex addicts.

PP here, what does that mean? I am a sex addict because I can't just turn off my sex drive when my spouse is no longer interested? Or I am not satisfied with a lifetime of masturbation?

If you knew someone who didn't date, just self-pleasured, you would think something was wrong with them.

I know its comforting to think that all CHEATERS are evil, defective, whatever makes you think you can sniff them out. It would be more productive if you took care of your spouse to guard against cheating than playing amateur DSM-V psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it wasn’t the sex with another person that I find unforgivable. The lies I was told so they could have that side relationship is what hurts the most.

I have never understood this. Isn't the reason for the lie to facilitate the cheating? Could your spouse have said "I am going to shag Larla" and that would have been fine? Not trying to be rhetorical.

[Anonymous]

Weak. Selfish. Coward

[Anonymous]

I’ve never cheated but my mindset is that I wouldn’t mind if my husband and I had an open relationship. I’m more attracted to my partners when I see them as being desirable to someone else, or when I feel jealous of them. It’s probably not healthy, but it’s the way I’ve always been. So in my mind, cheating isn’t as horrible an offense as it might be to others. My husband doesn’t feel this way, so I respect that and haven’t been unfaithful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never cheated but my mindset is that I wouldn’t mind if my husband and I had an open relationship. I’m more attracted to my partners when I see them as being desirable to someone else, or when I feel jealous of them. It’s probably not healthy, but it’s the way I’ve always been. So in my mind, cheating isn’t as horrible an offense as it might be to others. My husband doesn’t feel this way, so I respect that and haven’t been unfaithful.

Do you not find your husband attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never cheated but my mindset is that I wouldn’t mind if my husband and I had an open relationship. I’m more attracted to my partners when I see them as being desirable to someone else, or when I feel jealous of them. It’s probably not healthy, but it’s the way I’ve always been. So in my mind, cheating isn’t as horrible an offense as it might be to others. My husband doesn’t feel this way, so I respect that and haven’t been unfaithful.

I agree with you on everything you said. You aren't alone feeling this way

[Anonymous]

Depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never cheated but my mindset is that I wouldn’t mind if my husband and I had an open relationship. I’m more attracted to my partners when I see them as being desirable to someone else, or when I feel jealous of them. It’s probably not healthy, but it’s the way I’ve always been. So in my mind, cheating isn’t as horrible an offense as it might be to others. My husband doesn’t feel this way, so I respect that and haven’t been unfaithful.

I agree with you on everything you said. You aren't alone feeling this way

It's stupid. If you have to see another man or woman fondling your husband or wife to find them attractive you have some weird kink going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weak. Selfish. Coward

+1. And cares about self-image or assets too much to be honest or initiate divorce instead.