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OP, you said a mouthful!
I would add only that those of us nannies who absolutely know what we're doing often feel we need to hang back for fear of upsetting our new-to-parenthood employers, so we might not speak up and say, "I can do X, would you like me to show you how I do it?"
OP, how could your nanny have phrased an offer to bathe baby solo or make up bottles without upsetting you?
I would add only that those of us nannies who absolutely know what we're doing often feel we need to hang back for fear of upsetting our new-to-parenthood employers, so we might not speak up and say, "I can do X, would you like me to show you how I do it?"
OP, how could your nanny have phrased an offer to bathe baby solo or make up bottles without upsetting you?
Negotiate in GROSS hourly wage, OP. And do so only once you and your share partner have determined your childcare budget, which should include mileage to pay nanny, and your share of taxes, and any costs associated with using a payroll company.
If each of you have an absolute max budget of $15/hour, you might want to start at $10/hour each to allow a little room for raises as well as the above yearly costs.
If each of you have an absolute max budget of $15/hour, you might want to start at $10/hour each to allow a little room for raises as well as the above yearly costs.
It's not who gets the best nannies, it's who KEEPS the best nannies.
Yes, good wages and benefits help, but families who lack respect, empathy, and the ability to manage their nanny well will never KEEP the best nannies beyond a year unless the pay is so mind-bogglingly phenomenal that a nanny is willing to be the family dogsbody.
Any fool can offer the most money and find a good nanny. Not everyone can then follow through and make that nanny determined to stay at their job.
Yes, good wages and benefits help, but families who lack respect, empathy, and the ability to manage their nanny well will never KEEP the best nannies beyond a year unless the pay is so mind-bogglingly phenomenal that a nanny is willing to be the family dogsbody.
Any fool can offer the most money and find a good nanny. Not everyone can then follow through and make that nanny determined to stay at their job.
The crying: Try a little empathy or some reflective listening. If he's just a little upset, it might help him to have his feelings validated. Once you do that, then suggest he go play, and if he doesn't want to play, let him be and gently tell him you hope he joins in the fun soon.
The repeating: Boys are odd. He might just be double checking for no reason, he might think you don't really mean what you say, he might even have a developmental language issue. Ask his parents if the school he attends has ever suggested testing him to see if he needs speech therapy - most preschools do test these days, so it's a fairly innocuous question.
And count yourself lucky. My little guy actually will refute everything I say. It's tough to be wrong about everything all the time!
The repeating: Boys are odd. He might just be double checking for no reason, he might think you don't really mean what you say, he might even have a developmental language issue. Ask his parents if the school he attends has ever suggested testing him to see if he needs speech therapy - most preschools do test these days, so it's a fairly innocuous question.
And count yourself lucky. My little guy actually will refute everything I say. It's tough to be wrong about everything all the time!
It also matters how long this nanny worked for them. If she was there for less than a year, then that's a bigger issue than if she was there for 3+ years.
A family who gives a "shorter term nanny" a poor reference still gets questioned, but far less intensely than a family that employed a nanny for multiple years and now has nothing good to say at all. If nanny was so awful, why did you keep her employed for years?
A family who gives a "shorter term nanny" a poor reference still gets questioned, but far less intensely than a family that employed a nanny for multiple years and now has nothing good to say at all. If nanny was so awful, why did you keep her employed for years?
IMO, most families have no need to run a credit check on a potential nanny. All the parents need to do is sufficient background and reference checking, and they need to establish a way for nanny to pay for whatever incidentals or weekly bills may occur as Nanny and charges are out and about.
There are many ways of providing money to nanny without allowing access to your total family assets:
1) Petty Cash. Spend money, leave receipts, replenish money as needed
2) Visa/Mastercard gift cards or pre-loaded cards, leave receipts, reload card
3) Credit card with low limit, leave receipts, adjust limit up if needed
4) "Household Checking Account" with debit card, leave receipts, transfer funds into account as needed
What sort of families might actually need to do a credit check?
A) Families that are hiring a "Full Charge" nanny who will be taking over ALL spending for kids and possibly household items.
B) Families hiring a "House Manager" who will also be managing bill payments in all aspects of family life. And these families should have a second level of oversight in place regardless.
C) Families with a full staff who expect their House Manager or Personal Assistant to overlook Nanny's spending.
D) High Profile or High Net Worth families who might actually not notice that they are several thousand dollars low on X, Y, or Z account until their thieving employee has given notice.
There are many ways of providing money to nanny without allowing access to your total family assets:
1) Petty Cash. Spend money, leave receipts, replenish money as needed
2) Visa/Mastercard gift cards or pre-loaded cards, leave receipts, reload card
3) Credit card with low limit, leave receipts, adjust limit up if needed
4) "Household Checking Account" with debit card, leave receipts, transfer funds into account as needed
What sort of families might actually need to do a credit check?
A) Families that are hiring a "Full Charge" nanny who will be taking over ALL spending for kids and possibly household items.
B) Families hiring a "House Manager" who will also be managing bill payments in all aspects of family life. And these families should have a second level of oversight in place regardless.
C) Families with a full staff who expect their House Manager or Personal Assistant to overlook Nanny's spending.
D) High Profile or High Net Worth families who might actually not notice that they are several thousand dollars low on X, Y, or Z account until their thieving employee has given notice.
Anonymous wrote:I'm trusting them. I'm leaving them alone in my home for hours. I'm giving them charge of my child. I'm giving them a debit card. I'm trusting them when they say they spent $20 out of their pocket on my child. I'm trusting them to show up each day. I'm trusting them to not rummage through my jewelry box.
But you think it's "equal" for them to request a credit check of me because I need to pay them $400 a week? Maybe if you are interviewing with a family in a trailer park you might be justified in asking for a MB credit check because $400 a week might be beyond their means, but when you come to my 6,000 SF house in an acre in DC and you had the nerve to ask me for a credit check to make sure I can pay you I would end the interview immediately.
If you have such a huge house on so much land, and you are only offering $400 a week, the obvious assumption is that through your poor judgement and impulsive spending habits, you are "House Poor" and would have a hard time paying nanny if you fell behind financially. So, yeah, as a nanny I would want to check your financials to see what the chances are that you have the means to pay me.
Boundaries are healthy. Saying "No." is not an evil sin. Entitlement in childhood makes for lazy self righteous adults.
Buy your own ipad.
Buy your own ipad.
Sounds like you better get your kids to the doctor FAST! They obviously have some sort of glandular disorder to have gained 15 lbs each in less than a year!
MB, I wanted to talk to you about all the work I have been doing for your friends in the neighborhood. I so appreciate the trust you have in me that makes you comfortable offering my services to your friends. However, I would like a little more control over my schedule. I'd like to suggest that we figure out how many hours a week you will need my services, and that we determine a schedule one month ahead. Then I will know when I am free to work elsewhere. (Of course, I would prefer to have guaranteed number of hours here, and be paid for those hours regardless of your needs.)"
If you want to work, then you can say something about "I am happy to help your neighbors when I am not needed here. However, I want to speak with them directly to set up a schedule surrounding your needs. Naturally, giving me your schedule 1 month in advance will allow me to block out those specific times for you and then supplement with work for the neighbors!"
If you don't want to work , then ask for the hours to be set in advance for her, and choose to find other work when she isn't needing your services.
Of course, you will also have to learn to say, "No, I cannot work for you tomorrow MB. Tomorrow was not listed in your advance schedule, and I am working for the Smith family that day." "No, MB, I cannot watch your kids as well as the Smith kids. I understand you have had a scheduling glitch, but I have committed those hours to the Smith family."
I absolutely get your aggravation. You can make this work if you take control back from your MB. Or you can find another position and give the neighborhood notice. Good luck!
If you want to work, then you can say something about "I am happy to help your neighbors when I am not needed here. However, I want to speak with them directly to set up a schedule surrounding your needs. Naturally, giving me your schedule 1 month in advance will allow me to block out those specific times for you and then supplement with work for the neighbors!"
If you don't want to work , then ask for the hours to be set in advance for her, and choose to find other work when she isn't needing your services.
Of course, you will also have to learn to say, "No, I cannot work for you tomorrow MB. Tomorrow was not listed in your advance schedule, and I am working for the Smith family that day." "No, MB, I cannot watch your kids as well as the Smith kids. I understand you have had a scheduling glitch, but I have committed those hours to the Smith family."
I absolutely get your aggravation. You can make this work if you take control back from your MB. Or you can find another position and give the neighborhood notice. Good luck!
Pay her for her time over and above her vacation pay? Maybe decide what it's worth to you to avoid having to pay $200 in parking - what amount is more acceptable to you, and give that to the nanny.
It's not a crazy request.
It's not a crazy request.
OP, just a thought. Have your older children had a nanny before? is this new nanny an immediate replacement of a previous nanny?
If so, then your older kids could be acting out a little resistance to the new nanny while you aren't there to offer reassurance.
Unless your nanny cam has audio recording capabilities and you hear nanny telling your older kids to leave her alone with baby and go play by themselves, I would be reluctant to judge that she was uninterested in the older kids.
Maybe she tried to engage them and was rebuffed. maybe she should have tried harder, but she decided to give them their space. My point is that unless you know what all parties said, you don't know what really happened.
Keep an eye on things, but don't leap to conclusions. New nannies take time to get in the groove with kids, and kids can be slow to warm up if a much loved nanny has been replaced.
If so, then your older kids could be acting out a little resistance to the new nanny while you aren't there to offer reassurance.
Unless your nanny cam has audio recording capabilities and you hear nanny telling your older kids to leave her alone with baby and go play by themselves, I would be reluctant to judge that she was uninterested in the older kids.
Maybe she tried to engage them and was rebuffed. maybe she should have tried harder, but she decided to give them their space. My point is that unless you know what all parties said, you don't know what really happened.
Keep an eye on things, but don't leap to conclusions. New nannies take time to get in the groove with kids, and kids can be slow to warm up if a much loved nanny has been replaced.
Anonymous wrote:Hi all. After reading some recent threads, I'm wondering if we are setting ourselves up for a problem. I'm a FTM to a 2 month old. Her nanny has been with is for a month. During this stage, I've let her run errands, meet friends for lunch, etc as DD is a great Napper in her stroller and at 2 months, other than eating, sleeping, diaper changes, tummy time, and engaging with her, there isn't a whole lot to do. I trust her nanny has good judgement and when she says she doesn't take DD around sick people or crowded areas, I believe her.
When we hired her, we said we'd redo the contract when DS was around 6 months because activities would be changing and commitments from the nanny would be changing (ie making food for baby, taking her to more scheduled activities, etc).
However, after reading some posts from MBs saying they'd never let their kids nanny run personal errands or meet up with nanny friends with a newborn, I'm wondering if what we are doing isn't the norm and we are going to be in for a big problem as DD gets older.
Should we talk with her again about what future expectations are going to be?
OP, I think you need to think a bit about how you envision a "perfect week" for your daughter and her nanny. Do you see your daughter napping as exclusively as possible in her crib, or are you fine with naps "on the go"? Do you think nanny's errands will be an integral part of the day, or do you see your daughter's schedule and needs as the more important part of the day? Do you recognize that your nanny works long hours (if that is indeed the case) and feel fine with her doing some errands while working because she can't get them done otherwise?
As a nanny, my perspective is that baby's needs come first, mine second. I don't do my grocery shopping while I work, but I do stop at the bank, or get gas, or grab something at Starbucks when we are heading to an activity for my charge(s). If my employers want naps to be at home, that's where they are taken. If I've been asked to take kids to music class, I don't try and fit in errands before and after, simply because, as a PP said, there isn't enough time in the day.
If you are happy with the current situation, and your nanny is experienced enough to know things will change soon, then I think all is well. If you aren't happy with the current status quo, make changes now, rather than waiting for nanny's habits to really settle into place.
OP, I have a standard line that I use when a charge asks a question about someone's appearance:
"People come in all different shapes and sizes." or if there is a disability issue, "Some people have hurt <body part> and need help getting around." or if the child is questioning a person's skin color, "People come in all sorts of lovely colors!"
And then I add, "You can always ask me about how people look or what is different about people, but you must ask in a very quiet voice. It is rude to talk loudly about someone when they can hear you!"
Try that next time, instead of linking food intake to appearance. It may be true that many fat people eat poorly, but it's just going to lead to your charge asking the next fat person she sees why they eat too much bad food and make their tummy too big.
"People come in all different shapes and sizes." or if there is a disability issue, "Some people have hurt <body part> and need help getting around." or if the child is questioning a person's skin color, "People come in all sorts of lovely colors!"
And then I add, "You can always ask me about how people look or what is different about people, but you must ask in a very quiet voice. It is rude to talk loudly about someone when they can hear you!"
Try that next time, instead of linking food intake to appearance. It may be true that many fat people eat poorly, but it's just going to lead to your charge asking the next fat person she sees why they eat too much bad food and make their tummy too big.
If you're firing her for cause (the lying), no notice. Why would you want a nanny you have fired for lying to you continue to work for you? Find alternative care, get your house keys back, and let her go.
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